Are Beyonce and President Obama having an affair??? (No. Stop it.)

1348355145_beyonce-obama-gJust in time for Valentine’s Day! From Us Weekly:

Slamming the sensational claims of a French paparazzo, The Washington Post has no plans to publish a bombshell story about an alleged affair between President Barack Obama and Beyonce Knowles. The outlandish claim emerged in respected French newspaper Le Figaro, in which photographer Pascal Rostain (who is friends with former French First Lady Carla Bruni) promised: “It’ll go out tomorrow [Tuesday, Feb. 11] in the Washington Post . . . I can assure you that the world will talk about it.”

Sounds legit!

If this were true, which I’m pretty sure it is definitely not, I would have so many questions. Where would either of them find the time, for one? They’re both so busy! (That’s what I wonder about most scandals–“scandals”–to be honest. How do people have the energy to lead double lives? Like on Dateline, when it turns out that the missing person had a secret other family in a different state the whole time? It just seems like so much work. I can’t even handle one life.) And can you imagine their first conversation about it? “Hey, we’re two of the most famous people in the entire world, both known for our happy marriages to people who are also very famous, so, want to get it on? I’m sure no one will ever find out, in this age of zero privacy. Totally worth the risk.”


About Theresa Couchman

Theresa Couchman was born in Upstate New York, went to school in Upstate New York, and currently resides in Upstate New York. She has a pair of impractical Master's Degrees and a taste for the pointlessly weird, and is occasionally funny on Twitter.
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18 Responses to Are Beyonce and President Obama having an affair??? (No. Stop it.)

  1. old man fatima says:

    More importantly, I saw that photo in an article claiming that they were doing some sort of sneaky, anti-Semitic proto-Nazi salute when they are CLEARLY brushing the dirt off of their shoulders. Less crazy conspiracy theories and a bit more pop culture knowledge please, article writer.

  2. True or not, can we just make Him dictator already?

    • msmessica says:

      No, because I’m pretty sure that if they were having an affair he would refer to her as Madam President.

  3. msmessica says:

    Glen Beck is in a cave somewhere right now with copies of their itineraries and photographs of chem trails. He’ll get to the bottom of it, for sure.

  4. FRQ says:

    I have a GIF I am DYING to post. Thanks for NOTHING,

  5. catweazle says:

    This is just a smokescreen so we won’t find out that Beyonce and Michelle are actually the ones having an affair.

  6. I mean have you heard Beyonce talk? She doesn’t seem like the brightest light bulb, I don’t think shes BO’s type. Also Michelle would straight up crush her with her bare hands.

  7. mordonez says:

    Something something…lazy “shoulda put a ring on it” comment.

  8. taoreader says:

    An affair with Beyonce would probably just make his approval rating go up.

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