From Dlisted:

“I feel like ‘embattled’ or ‘disgraced’ will always follow my name. It’s like that black football player who recently came out. He said, ‘I just want to be known as a football player. I don’t want to be known as a gay football player.’ I know exactly what he’s saying. I’m fighting to get my name back.”

Guess who said this. Go ahead. Guess. YOU WILL NEVER GUESS.

Of course it was Paula Deen. Of course she talked about just wanting to be known as herself, a human being, without any qualifiers on her identity, by making sure to point out that “that football player” is black. Because otherwise we never would’ve been able to figure out who she was talking about!

But yes, obviously Paula knows how Michael Sam feels. Being called a racist, corrupt business owner because you’re a racist, corrupt business owner is exactly like being an openly gay athlete trying to navigate a sports culture that celebrates a very limited definition of masculinity. They’re practically twins!

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19 Responses to Ugggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh

  1. FRQ says:

    I was going to guess Shia Labeouf, but I don’t know if it’s better or worse

  2. Wallflower says:

    “I just want to be known as a racist. I don’t want to be known as a racist cook. Wait. Scratch that. Reverse it.” – Paula Deen (in my mind just now)

  3. I’ll always be grateful for people like Paula Deen and the Duck family from Duck Dynasty. Without them, I’d have nothing to argue drunkenly about at Christmas dinner.

  4. mordonez says:

    And to think. Once upon I time I would have thought that she would never top her outstanding achievement of spending years causing Type II diabetes before contracting same and shilling for a diabetes drug. I need some lessons in setting the bar higher/lower, it seems.

    • Erika says:

      A few years ago, I made a bread pudding recipe from Deen. I cut the sugar content by half, but the pudding was still too sweet to serve the sauce I had bought for it (and the recipe also called for a rum sauce that I did not make). I have a serious sweet tooth too.

  5. msmessica says:

    I know have an image in my head of Paula Deen, in her new life trying to be more tolerant (lol), playfully smacking her husband while he is discussing football at a barbeque and saying, “No, he doesn’t want to be known as the gay football player, just a regular black football player, Bubba!” I see Paula really taking to Michael Sam’s plight.

    (PS: have any of you read this thing where Caity Weaver went on a Paula Deen Cruise? It’s gr8: )

    • hotspur says:

      That article is so good. I just got to the line “(Eventually I settle on: himself, in his younger days, discreetly killing people.) I like the South Dakotans a lot,” and I decided I will read anything this Caity Weaver person writes, from now on.

  6. flanny says:

    UNRELATED. So I guess this week is just the week of everyone talking about how good How Did This Get Made is. This morning I listened to the 88 Minutes episode on my way into work, and maybe it’s because I’m ever so slightly hungover, or maybe it’s because it’s 15 degrees in the sun and I’m losing my mind from the cold, but I was walking along a busy street bursting out laughing and crying like a lunatic. It was great. Thanks for the recommendation, everyone!

    • Wallflower says:

      I just started listening to the Toys episode last night. And, I actually liked that movie as a kid. Probably because it wasn’t meant for children and I felt like I got away with something.

      • flanny says:

        I saw Toys with my older brother in the theater, and I remember being very excited that Joan Cusack had a lisp because I also have a lisp! And I did feel like things happened in it that made me uncomfortable, but I think whenever that happened, I would just zone out and think about how I now had a lisping role model. And then she ended up being a robot? Boo.

        • Wallflower says:

          I’m sorry your idol turned out to be a robot. There’s always David Sedaris!

        • flanny says:

          I have a very long and very funny story about The Time I Met David Sedaris where we discussed lisps and the sexuality of my elementary school boyfriend, and where David misspells a very common word that he’s inscribing into my book.

        • I love how that reveal meant that apparently, that company is capable of making incredibly realistic, humanoid robots, but instead they keep making toys no modern child would actually want.

        • Wallflower says:

          I don’t know if I’m replying in the right place but your David Sedaris story sounds like it needs to become a post on this site.

  7. pickpocket says:

    is “embattled” a step up or a step down from “mmm, buttered”

  8. “I forget his name- but it’s that gay footballer player. The one that wants everyone to stop thinking of him as just a gay footballer player, you know who I mean, the gay one.”

  9. hotspur says:

    Is it possible that Paula Deen is a parody of a racist instead of an actual racist? I mean, I know stupidity and total self-awareness-fail are key ingredients in any Buttered Racist Roast, but this is ridiculous. Reel it in, Universe! It is not credible!

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