AAAHHH! GHOST!!!! GHOST AT ELLEN DEGENERES’ HOUSE!!!
Ellen DeGeneres’s $40 Million Mansion Is Haunted (National Enquirer): “SPOOKY!” Uh-oh! “The talk show host has repeatedly been spooked by eerie noises and believes the home she shares with wife Portia de Rossi is haunted by its original owner, who died there in 2009. The house had been remodeled, so Ellen thought it would have no trace of the former owner. But she was wrong. Within a few nights of moving in, Ellen started hearing random noises, including footsteps and doors opening and closing.” I would watch this movie!!! “In the middle of the night, she heard a faint woman’s cry. Ellen is totally freaked out. She hasn’t had a solid night’s sleep since she moved in.” (via Grantland)
As far as haunted houses go, Ellen made some rookie mistakes here; everyone knows that absolutely, under no condition, do you remodel a potentially haunted house. From crazy richie rich mansion to tiny salt box on a farm somewhere do not ever change a ghosts house; you will make them cry at night when they think you’re asleep and you won’t hear them.
The best course of action when moving into a haunted house (maybe someone recently died there, maybe it’s just old as balls) is to not touch anything right away. Put all your furniture in storage and use the ghost’s existing furniture until it has a chance to warm up to you. Treat your ghost like the new roommate she is; talk to your ghost every day and leave a few doors open for her so she doesn’t have to slam things all time. After she has warmed up to you, casually mention that you’d like to replace a piece of furniture. I’d start with your own bed personally, but you should also take into account anything your ghost doesn’t seem to like herself and offer a few new options. Make it like a fun project! Negotiate a piece of furniture once or twice a week until you feel like you’re coming to an understanding before you start bringing up paint. Be aware that some of her things will have to live with you there until you move because it’s her house too. Also, make it a habit to invite her on outings with you and your wife Portia; it’s possible that becoming a ghost has made her something of a shut in and once she sees what’s out there she’ll want to spread her wings and haunt a studio downtown to start her new death in.