Hey, What’s Up With The Not Topher Graces?

I considered writing up a lengthy and verbose thinkpiece regarding this issue, but then I felt that:

“In this modern democratic society it is better for the people to speak together”- some old president guy, probably.

I also felt that:

“Thinkpieces are kinda boring”- some other old president guy, probably.

So I venture this query to you, the internet.

As of this date, 2014, how would you, using logic and deduction and statistics and bull-bear-market trends, rank the post-show success of the “That 70’s Show” core group?

I say (from most successful to least):

– Ashton Kutcher

– Mila Kunis

– Topher Grace

– Laura Prepon

– Fez

– The guy with the sunglasses and the curly hair

Let the debate commence!

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I can reach things from the top shelf.
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22 Responses to Hey, What’s Up With The Not Topher Graces?

  1. It still bums me out that Mila is with Ashton, because I like her, and I do not like him, and celebrities should take my needs into consideration before entering into personal relationships, obviously.

    • gnidrah says:

      Once I got told I look like her (by a drunk person) and it was one of the happiest moments of my life. (I have told this story before) (I like this story)

  2. old man fatima says:

    I’d put Mila above Ashton, but I have no clue what their net worth is? I just feel like I’ve seen her in more stuff. Which is likely just because he doesn’t do anything that appeals to me.

    • flanny says:

      I also agree that Mila is above Ashton, especially in terms of critical success. Forgetting Sarah Marshall was a critical success, right?

      • gnidrah says:

        Agreed, Mila above Ashton – probably not in terms of commercial, I feel like he’s better known because of Punk’d and a marriage he had, but she certainly wins critically. Black Swan! Update: Forbes says he’s the highest paid actor on TV! So he has the dollars!

        • Commentatrix says:

          Likability means more than wealth when measuring “success,” right? Because Mila has a GG nomination. What does Ashton have? A bunch of Two and a Half Men money and the certainty that he was the #1 celebrity male crush among millennials in their high school years?

        • flanny says:

          He also has a LOT of trucker hats. I can’t imagine that he got rid of those. Those will be worth something some day, just like Beanie Babies.

    • I agree with that, too. Plus she’s the official Jim Beam spokesperson which makes her the coolest. I want to drink bourbon with her, but probably something a little fancier than plain old Jim Beam.

      • artdorkgirl says:

        Yeah. I was slightly dissapointed in her for backing Jim Beam. What, are you too good for Maker’s?

        • mordonez says:

          Maker’s is a fair “step up” bourbon, but not a “step up 2: the streets” bourbon like Baker’s/Booker’s/Basil hayden. These all Beam owned products, for better or worse, which based on recent news makes them Suntory products, and appropriate for a relaxing time.

          By the transitive property, ScarJo is the appropriate endorser for these better bourbons.

  3. catweazle says:

    It’s so hard to judge these things, because Ashton probably has more dollar bills than Mila, but she has been in things that were actually good and got nominated for awards and stuff. And I don’t know what Topher Grace has been up to but I would think Laura Prepon would go above him on the strength of Orange is the New Black alone. And then I think, how do you judge success, because Fez got to be on an episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race (not even as a guest judge; he got to be in those terrible fake telenovelas they did in season 5!) and is there any higher honor? But you’re def right in putting Hyde in last place. Nobody knows or cares what happened to that guy.

    • flanny says:

      I do want to know what happened to his attractive brother who was Francis on Malcolm in the Middle, though.

    • Commentatrix says:

      I saw Chris Masterson in a failed Amazon pilot LAST YEAR (it was for the Onion News Network sitcom adaptation), so I don’t think he’s doing too well. The brother is actually on a TBS sitcom right now called Men at Work. I don’t know how bad it is because I don’t watch anything with “men” in the title on the basis that it is probably sexist or offensive in some way, but maybe it isn’t those things!

      • artdorkgirl says:

        Also, I think he dated Laura Pepron for a while, so full circle?

      • hotspur says:

        I’m going to have to card you and send you off the field for 5 minutes, Commentatrix, because Chris Masterson was in Malcolm in the Middle. It was his brother Danny who was Hyde.

        Danny was a DJ on Indie 103.1 for a while, the coolest radio station in LA until it got shut down for being much too cool, and he was good at it. He talked well and played good stuff.

        But DJing is a very local kind of success; in LA it is literally the equivalent of a guy staying in his home town in rural Pennsylvania and opening a tow truck service and everyone is like, “He’s doing really well.” So rankings-wise, maybe above Laura before Orange, after Laura now, but still above Fez.

        • hotspur says:

          AHHHHH wait! I just realized you MEANT to talk about Chris.

          This thread is so confusing.

          I will be in the penalty box, if anyone needs me the next 5 minutes.

        • Commentatrix says:

          Haha, ya burnt! JKJK!

          I meant to comment in reply to flanny, so maybe that’s why this thread is, quote, so confusing šŸ™‚ Sorry about that, and I grant you early release from the penalty box!

        • flanny says:

          I’m going to continue to penalize you BOTH because you refused to refer to him by his full name: Christopher Kennedy Masterson. Got a name like that, gotta use it.

    • artdorkgirl says:

      OMG, that was Wilmer? I only remember Alaska and Jinkx being remarkably funny when than skit was worse than anything!

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