Who doesn’t like a good remake? Isn’t it great when a current director decides to take on a classic?
I mean, there’ve been several successful remakes of European or Japanese horror films, like The Ring and Let The Right One In. Cape Fear was OK, wasn’t it?
But now there’s this:
“The Birds, that quietly haunting horror classic from Alfred Hitchcock, is to get a Hollywood remake from Transformers director Michael Bay’s Platinum Dunes production company.”
Well, that sounds like a great idea, doesn’t it? I know we’ve discussed my love of Hitchcock films via Tumnus’s wonderful review of ‘Vertigo’, but ‘The Birds’ is right up there for me. It’s a subtly terrifying tale of a woman, played by Tippi Hedren, who follows her boyfriend back to his quiet town and suddenly finds herself plagued by vicious bird attacks.
Far be it from me to suggest Michael Bay, the man who gave us such classics as Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, can’t do subtlety. I can’t believe he won’t already have all the ideas down, but in case he doesn’t, I think we need to come up with some suggestions. Here’s a few to get things started:
- Tiny guns for all the birds
- Birds actually robots
- Lead actress actually an underwear model
- Explosion at the beginning
- Explosion in the middle
- Explosion at the end
If I were being fair, I would note that his production company has made some semi-decent horror reboots over the past few years. But I’m not being fair, so let’s leave the last word to Tippi Hedren, who’s fucking NAILED IT:
“Why would you do that? Why?”
No further questions, your honour.