The Hardest Decision You’ll Have To Make This Year

I’m going to outline two scenarios for you, and you can decide which one seems more palatable.

A friend approaches you on the street and says “Hey, I’m going to see this new movie about an ancient vampire couple named Adam and Eve! One of them is a brooding musician mired in existential angst and has Tommy Wiseau hair! Want to come?”


A friend approaches you on the street and says “Want to come see the new Jim Jarmusch movie? It stars Tilda Swinton and Tom Hiddleston.”

Have you made your choice? HA HA you’ve been punk’d! They’re the same movie!

I’m sure you had no idea; it’s not like we all watched the trailer a thousand years ago.

But the movie is being released to select theaters this weekend, and imagine my surprise when it started getting some really good reviews! It looks so dumb! So I’m taking a page out of the book of one of the great heroines of our age and making a pro/con list to help us decide whether it’s worth seeing.

It’s almost too close to call, and this is a choice we all have to make for ourselves. May god have mercy on our souls if we choose unwisely!

About catweazle

Catweazle is an 11th century wizard trying to make his way through the modern world while living in a disused water tower with his pet toad.
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23 Responses to The Hardest Decision You’ll Have To Make This Year

  1. So I…might have already seen this, somehow. (*cough*) (I know, I know. But I live in a cultural wasteland and always try to make up for it later.) (I really need to stop though, it’s terrible.) ANYWAY, it’s actually quite funny, and definitely not the typical vampire flick. More like a vampire indie romantic dramedy.

  2. catweazle says:

    Oh P.S. If any of you happen to be handwriting analysts, YOU’LL NEVER FIND THE BODIES!!!!!!!

    • flanny says:

      You don’t have serial killer ys and gs, don’t worry.

    • Casey says:

      There are some signs of caution (i-dots to the left of the stem); however, the rising, upright lines indicate eccentricity, which is probably a serial killer trait?

  3. collin0truckasaurus says:

    You had me at Tommy Wiseau hair.

  4. artdorkgirl says:

    You had me at Hiddles and Swinton. How could it be anything other than amazing?

  5. I will probably watch this at the discount theater, because why not? The reviews are decent enough to get me excited.

  6. Sota says:

    Can someone tell me who Tom Hiddleston is and why I should love him? Please don’t kick me out of the club, but I feel like an out of the loop monster. I can almost hear Flanny gasping in disbelief.

  7. pickpocket says:

    Aw, Jarmusch movies are always pretty excellent. An easy decision. I’m more distraught about whether this horror movie Oculus will be worth seeing.

  8. summerestherson says:

    I’m obviously going to see this. Hiddles eats a blood popsicle!!! SWINTON!

  9. Mintie says:

    Seeing this in a couple of days. So excited. Tilda and Tom both have ideal movie vampire faces.

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