Nobody panic…

Hi guys, I don’t want you to worry, but I *think* we’ve got problems, of an apocalyptic nature.

I wouldn’t have predicted that the gates of hell would open up above Leamington Spa in England, but it seems they have, so we’ve got to just move forward and figure out how we’re going to handle it.

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This black ring appeared in the sky last Friday, and hovered there for three minutes. You can check out video here. 16-year-old Georgia Heap was playing tennis with her mother Jo when it appeared, and she officially confirms what we’d all been suspecting: it was the “weirdest thing” she’s ever seen. Me too Georgia!

Anyway you probably have a really simple explanation for it, right? Smoke ring! NOPE, SMARTYPANTS! No fires recorded in the area at the time. And even if there were, it wouldn’t have kept its shape for as long as it did, according to the British Pyrotechnists Association.

Probably just boring old weather? CERTAINLY NOT! Experts say a cloud would have blown away more quickly, much like your dumb smoke theory.

Acrobatic bird display team? TRY AGAIN! “It’s certainly not birds”, says Richard James, of the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds.

How’s about insects? An apocalyptic plague of them, perhaps? GETTING WARMER! Hoverflies of the Syrphidae family apparently love a good swarm at this time of year. But what about that ring shape? “I have never seen this before but it is plausible”, says entomologist (first time this word has been used on Vgum? I HOPE SO!) Frederic Tripet from Keele University.

Whatever, Trips. We’ve seen this sort of nightmare before. We’ve ignored it. Personally I’m not going to ignore this one. If you need me, I’ll be under the table with my tin foil hat on, counting up to make sure I have enough tins.


About gnidrah

Television, books, music, sports, cooking. I only get paid for one of them.
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37 Responses to Nobody panic…

  1. flanny says:

    No, but for real, what is that?

  2. Casey says:

    When shit hits the fan, stay calm and remember that their weakness is ordinary tap water.

  3. catweazle says:

    First we had those scary sky noises in Canada ( and now this? Hopefully the answers are in George Washington’s bible, otherwise I think we’re doomed.

    • flanny says:

      There’s been an odd humming noise in my neighborhood, too. Or at least there was last week. It sounded like a plane was going overhead or like someone was doing some hardcore vacuuming outside. It always hit around 8 o’clock at night and lasted for about three minutes. WTF!?!?!?!

      • Casey says:

        Slightly OT, but “Hardcore Vacuuming” sounds like the title of a killer Guided by Voices jam.

      • flanny, i didn’t want to be the one to have to tell you this, but… i think you may have suffered a stroke. these “posts” you keep making? they’re basically nothing but incomprehensible gibberish about ghosts, star charts, and boy bands.

  4. FRQ says:

    I think it’s a murder of crows flying in unison, which is still frightening.

  5. catweazle says:

    Also I am not comforted by the fact that the most plausible explanation so far is WELL-ORGANIZED SWARM OF INSECTS.

  6. You know how in cartoons, characters just draw a hole in the ground or wall and jump through it? Someone should probably be on lookout for something giant and animated.

    • gnidrah says:

      Ahhh that’s great! I feel a lot calmer now! It feels like it might be fun, not death from above!

  7. pickpocket says:

    scroll down to see something that looks the same, attributed to an exploded transformer (not that kind of transformer)

  8. artdorkgirl says:

    Maybe it was just a despondent sky-writer. Or perhaps he was told to cancel the job and only got the first letter written.

  9. pickpocket says:

    Was this video taken by “16-year-old Georgia Heap” (fake name for sure) or one DETECTIVE RUST COHLE?

  10. hotspur says:

    This is going to end up on a Led Zeppelin Best Of album cover, isn’t it.

  11. Isn’t it true that scientist still don’t know what makes up 95% of the universe? between “black mass” and “black matter” or something? The world (universe!) is terrifying.

  12. mydumbopiniongoeshere says:

    People have explained this over at Gizmodo:

    It is a smoke ring.

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