Apparently Today Is The Day Of Horrifying New Mascots

There I was, completely minding my own business (and not my client’s which I guess I’m supposed to be doing) and going through my blog feed. Out of the blue, the most terrifying face ever appeared:Image

What is this abomination you ask? Why, it’s Lemonhead’s newest mascot. You remember Lemonhead’s – the hard candy that tastes just like you’re sucking on a tiny lemon, aka the worst candy in the world (Not debatable. If you believe otherwise you are just wrong. Sorry about that.) What’s more, he’s a Blackhawks fan. BLACKHAWKS. My Bruin’s yellow & black heart weeps.

Why does he have such a weird smirk? Why does he have bedroom eyes? WHY DOES HE HAVE HAIR? He’s a lemon. This terrifying beast will not only haunt my nightmares, but the nightmares of generations of (bad) candy lovers to come.

But that wasn’t the abomination to be set free to feast upon the good people of earth.

Behold, “Happy” –

Image

This little Pandora’s box is the newest mascot for the McDonald’s Happy Meal, every child’s favorite path to diabetes.Who knows, maybe McDonald’s is making this as scary as possible to get kids to STOP eating Happy Meals. Or maybe they are actually Satan. I’m going with Satan.

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35 Responses to Apparently Today Is The Day Of Horrifying New Mascots

  1. randilu says:

    Yay! My first non-work related blog post! And it’s probably going to give everyone nightmares!

    • I just have so many questions about that first picture. Who is that person? Where did they get that mask? Why are they wearing it with a Blackhawks jersey? Where are they and what are they doing there? But most importantly: how do we send them back to hell?

      • catweazle says:

        The thing that softens the blow of the Lemonhead mascot is that I can’t really focus on it due to my reignited outrage at the Blackhawks logo.

      • randilu says:

        It’s the actual official mascot from their twitter account. If you go to the source, there’s MORE pictures! Plus, an unholy mash-up between Happy and Lemonhead.

        • More pictures? How did the camera not break after the first one?

        • hotspur says:

          Wait. This is an official photo? Not just a snapshot a fan/victim took? I think the official photographer at Lemonhead Inedibles, Inc., needs to take a class in Cropping off the 45% of the photo that is just sky. and also a class in Not having a pole grow out of the subject’s head unless it is a photo about poles, and ALSO a class in Any background except this jumble of wood chips and cement. (That’s enough classes for now, Rome wasn’t jpged in a day.)

      • mordonez says:

        His twitter bio, as pointed out on @Midnight, is “Hey. My head is a lemon, Hit me up”.

  2. catweazle says:

    The worst thing about that Happy Meal mascot is that it looks like a first draft of a “design a mascot for a popular product” school assignment that would eventually get a B. The second worst thing is that I’m pretty sure it eats children.

  3. Sota says:

    ICK. ICK. ICK. ICK. Everything about that lemon faced freak scares me.

    • Sota says:

      Is this the new war on diabetes? Scare kids away from candy and fast food with a terrifying mascot?

  4. artdorkgirl says:

    I don’t enjoy Mr. Lemonhead’s smug smile. What are you so smug about, terrible candy??

    • Simon Spidermonk says:

      Lemonhead: Knock knock.
      You: Who’s there?
      Lemonhead: Lemon.
      You: Lemon who?
      Lemonhead: Lemon. (smiles)

  5. Lemonheads are garbage candy anyway. YEAH I SAID IT!

    • Casey says:

      This is a friendly place and I don’t downvote lightly. You made me do this, collin0truckasaurus! You made me do this!

    • facetaco says:

      DISAGREE! A) Lemons are delicious and highly underrated. B) Lemonheads gave way to the spinoff Appleheads, which, if you throw them into a fire, will turn the flames green, which is pretty cool when you’re 12 and have nothing better to do than to burn candy. C) No matter how bad Lemonheads may be, they can never be considered the worst as long as Red Hots still exist.

      • hotspur says:

        I didn’t know Red Hots were candy. I file them under Pranks.

      • Erika says:

        I love red hots and also Hot Tamales. Oh, and those tiny cinnamon Altoids (although I can’t buy those because I’ll eat a whole tin in one sitting). For some reason I like torturing my mouth.

  6. Kate says:

    Smiling box and grinning lemon should have their own terrifying M. Knight Shamalamadingdong movie.

  7. summerestherson says:

    Lemonheads guy is giving me flashbacks to those Gushers commercials from the 90s.

    • welcometocostcoiloveyou says:

      I was just thinking about Gushers. If they still make them, I might have to purchase some, probably destroying my childhood memory of those being good.

  8. flanny says:

    One of my best friends and former college roommates loves Lemonheads. We had another roommate who had a boyfriend that we hated, and one morning he sauntered into our kitchen, NOT WEARING A SHIRT, and saw a giant box of Lemonheads Emily had bought and put in the cupboard. And he said something like, “Gross, who likes Lemonheads? They’re the grossest.” And then he took some of our food and wandered back to his sex pit and Emily whispered to me, “I like Lemonheads, why else would I have a giant box in my cupboard? AND YOUR CHEST IS GROSS.”

  9. ugh my mouth started reacting to sour even thinking about gross lemonheads

  10. welcometocostcoiloveyou says:

    Is “Happy” actually the name of the happy meal mascot? If so, I have two concerns about this campaign…
    1) That is the laziest name I have ever heard. Come on, marketing team!
    2) Will there be a theme song set to Pharrell’s Happy? Because ugh.

  11. Erika says:

    Is a Lemonhead somehow different from a lemon drop? Because I like lemon drops.

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