Gwyneth Paltrow Shares Her Weird Thoughts With Nerds at Code Conference

Queen of the Internet Gwyneth Paltrow was invited to speak at Code Conference this week. I know about as much about Code Conference as Gwynnie does (nothing) so why she was invited is a bit of a head-scratcher. Luckily after admitting that she didn’t really have anything relevant to contribute, she treated the audience to the GOOPiest possible speech about how she doesn’t give a fuck about the haterz.

I will admit that her central thesis about people on the internet being assholes is totally valid, but it’s couched in so many classic Gwyneth quotes that I can’t really take it seriously. The speech really has it all: ham-handed use of ten-dollar words (“Facebook actually started as a place to judge women on their pulchritude or lack of it”), bizarre metaphors (“Anyone in any field who has their head rise above a poppy in the field, they get their heads chopped off”), awkwardly sexual jokes (“As we think about the effects of all this stuff… having access to porn that would even freak me out, which says a lot… Just kidding”), and even more awkward, possibly accidentally sexual jokes (“Of all of the men that I’ve been between in my life, Satya [Nadella, Microsoft CEO] and Sergey [Brin] are certainly in their own league for what I’m used to … I didn’t expect to be in the middle of their sandwich”). The whole article is worth a read.

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6 Responses to Gwyneth Paltrow Shares Her Weird Thoughts With Nerds at Code Conference

  1. Aw, this is almost endearing. While she’s absolutely out of touch and frequently insufferable, I do think she’s genuinely awkward and kind of a dork, in her own ultra-privileged way. And I’m side-eyeing the conference people for clearly inviting someone just for the publicity more than anything she said.

  2. artdorkgirl says:

    Everytime Gwennie opens her mouth, all I can think of is this:

    (It’s a Hiddlesbatch gif, so prepare yourselves…)

  3. One of the most pulchritudinous analyses of technology I’ve ever read.

    • Simon Spidermonk says:

      Verily, its pulchitrudinosity is matched only by the indubitablousness of its veracitudes.

  4. old man fatima says:

    For all her flaws, I had always thought Gwennie would be a really great speaker. It seems so incongruous to me that she uses words like pulchritude, but then has such poorly constructed sentences.

    • Commentatrix says:

      Exactly. It’s like when I’m heading essays and it’s obvious that the kids just right clicked an adjective in MS Word and scrolled through the list of synonyms until he found the most obscure and the most contextually nonsensical one to use in his lame essay on The Scarlet Letter.

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