The World Cup of Darth Vader saying (SPOILER) “I am your father.”

So which version do you think is the scariest?  I vote for the Czech.  On Kotaku, which is where I got this, the consensus seemed to be that the German version was the most menacing but I think that’s just cultural stereotypes in action.  Not that it isn’t chilling, but there’s something inhuman and claustrophobic about the Czech one that really gets to me.

In both of the Spanish versions Darth Vader could just as easily be saying, “Darling, your body is a wonderland.”  Señor Vader probably hangs around bus stations, leaning against the wall with one leg dancing nervously as he scans the faces of the passing throng for a human connection.  The soundtrack is very saxophoney.  Still, I remain confident that this is the only World Cup in which Spain will be the loser.  And it’s not like Spain is dead last.  That honour goes to Hebrew Vader and his delivery of the line, “Easy come, easy go.”

I’d go so far as to say that the James Earl Jones version is one of the least frightening ones.  Maybe it’s because I’m too familiar with it, but I can picture someone from Hungary hearing it and laughing their ass off.  Anyway, which one gets your vote?

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11 Responses to The World Cup of Darth Vader saying (SPOILER) “I am your father.”

  1. I think we can all agree that the French sounds the most annoying.

  2. FRQ says:

    Love the Hebrew one. So classy.

  3. hotspur says:

    French Vader is just trying to bum a Gauloise and Hebrew Vader sounds like he is saying, “Being a cuddly dad is my calling!”

    Czech is otherwordly, and so is Brazilian. Either of those is a bad news dad. “The paternity test came back. You’re doomed.”

    I like the Japanese because it just makes him sound like any angry medieval warlord in any kung fu movie. Kung Fu Empire is super best Empire, I love it.

    Obviously there’s no Greek version because they wanted to make it competitive. Greek wins before you even say it — look, the line is written in Alien Space Attack Letters:

    Όχι, είμαι ο πατέρας σου.

  4. old man fatima says:

    Japan sounds the angriest about it. That guy was definitely on Maury saying he is 2000% sure he is NOT the father.

  5. Kate says:

    I agree. The Czech sounds the creepiest. I think it’s because the Czech actor does it in a sort of hissing way that’s perfect. Or maybe that’s how Czech always sounds?

    • Jimeno Arañamonje says:

      Yeah, it almost makes me want to learn Czech just so I can watch the Czech version of Star Wars.

  6. hotspur says:

    Hungarian 1995 sounds like Greedo 1977.

    Does anyone know where Greedo comes from? If so, you are a huge nerd, but also: is it Hungary?

  7. whatisabadger says:

    Did any of you guys play Starcraft back in the day? The Thai one at the end was totally giving me Protoss vibes. En Taro Adun!

  8. the dusty says:

    The Hebrew one sounds like an audiobook of “Learn to Speak Hebrew”. So calm and patient.

    Love the Japanese one, such emotion!

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