We need to talk about Shia again

Surely by now we’ve all heard of Shia LaBoeuf’s eventful evening last night, but in case you missed it, you can read all about it through that bastion of unbiased NYC reporting, the New York Post. If such an idea is simply too repugnant for some of you to tolerate, here’s the long and the short of it: boyfriend got arrested for disorderly conduct during an Alan Cumming/Michelle Williams revival of Cabaret at Studio 54!

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LOL, no, not that kind of disorderly conduct, silly! According to “sources”:

– Shia was slapping innocent theater-goers in the back of the head while smoking a cigarette

– When police arrived, Shia fell on his face while trying to make a quick getaway

– He was hauled off in handcuffs to a station house, where he threatened the arresting officers to ‘fuck [them] up’

– When the cops refused to uncuff him, Shia retaliated got Even Stevens by spitting at them, prompting the cops to muzzle him with a face mask

– He LaBoeuf’d it even further by hurling a homophobic slur at the offending officer

What a whirlwind evening it must have been for everyone at that theater! Just when you think the Shia volcano might finally rest its case and become dormant, a new eruption will occur, killing a bunch of Sicilians or whatever. A terrible metaphor for a terrible child star downward spiral!

What bothers me most about when celebs–or in this case, no-longer-famous people–go nuts like this, is how powerless I feel to resist scouring the internet for every salacious detail. Off I go before this uncomfortable feeling of introspection really takes hold. Discuss!

About Commentatrix

First-wave millennial.
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18 Responses to We need to talk about Shia again

  1. Oh dear. I hope this will have an Amanda Bynes ending instead of a Lindsay Lohan one. (For anyone who hasn’t read it: Mara Wilson wrote a really interesting article about child stardom for Cracked awhile ago: http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-reasons-child-stars-go-crazy-an-insiders-perspective/ She brings up some things it’s easy to forget, like how these kids basically got zero education.)

  2. FRQ says:

    I love how Facebook perfectly placed this story right below the Shia fiasco in the trending box. Like yin and yang.

  3. Wallflower says:

    Don’t worry you guys. This is all just Shia’s performance art! He’s totally A-OK!

  4. artdorkgirl says:

    So there’s a new update! According to Vulture (http://www.vulture.com/2014/06/shia-labeouf-escorted-from-cabaret-in-handcuffs.html) he was also chasing after a homeless man who was carrying a hat before the show. So, our artist must be branching out into performance art?

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