Surely by now we’ve all heard of Shia LaBoeuf’s eventful evening last night, but in case you missed it, you can read all about it through that bastion of unbiased NYC reporting, the New York Post. If such an idea is simply too repugnant for some of you to tolerate, here’s the long and the short of it: boyfriend got arrested for disorderly conduct during an Alan Cumming/Michelle Williams revival of Cabaret at Studio 54!
LOL, no, not that kind of disorderly conduct, silly! According to “sources”:
– Shia was slapping innocent theater-goers in the back of the head while smoking a cigarette
– When police arrived, Shia fell on his face while trying to make a quick getaway
– He was hauled off in handcuffs to a station house, where he threatened the arresting officers to ‘fuck [them] up’
– When the cops refused to uncuff him, Shia
retaliated got Even Stevens by spitting at them, prompting the cops to muzzle him with a face mask
– He LaBoeuf’d it even further by hurling a homophobic slur at the offending officer
What a whirlwind evening it must have been for everyone at that theater! Just when you think the Shia volcano might finally rest its case and become dormant, a new eruption will occur, killing a bunch of Sicilians or whatever. A terrible metaphor for a terrible child star downward spiral!
What bothers me most about when celebs–or in this case, no-longer-famous people–go nuts like this, is how powerless I feel to resist scouring the internet for every salacious detail. Off I go before this uncomfortable feeling of introspection really takes hold. Discuss!