Warren G. Harding, You’s A Freak

 photo c88f283f-1665-4d12-829f-9305adb10cc0_zpsfdf5f58b.jpgGuys, crazy news you will not believe. As we all know, presidents are often just naaaasty. Sex scandals abound! Case in point: Warren G. Harding, President for about half a second in the 20s before he died. Unsurprisingly, Warren G. had mistress, and he wrote her graphic letters, and now, thanks to the Times, we can read those letters. THEY ARE NAAASTY.

Wouldn’t you like to get sopping wet out on Superior — not the lake — for the joy of fevered fondling and melting kisses? Wouldn’t you like to make the suspected occupant of the next room jealous of the joys he could not know, as we did in morning communion at Richmond?

You nasty!

Three weeks ago [the robe] touched and covered your beautiful form, and that made it hallowed to me, and I wanted contact with it, to make me seem nearer to you. And I wanted to sit before the fire afterward, in freedom of dress, and dream of you and of loving you, intimately, until [illegible]. I like to dream in loose, flowing garb, because I can dream more intently. And I did — to alarming release. I called your name aloud thrice, begging you to come, and a voice from upstairs responded, wanting to know what I wanted.

ALARMING RELEASE?? No thank you, Warren.

Wish I could take you to Mount Jerry. Wonderful spot. Not in the geographies but a heavenly place, and I have seen some passing views there and reveled in them. Gee! How I wish you might be along. You could be such a dandy companion — it would be adorable to have you.

Guys. Jerry is a nickname for his penis.

About flanny

Flanny was born and raised in a Detroit suburb, but tells people she's from Detroit without clarification because it makes her sound tough. She is not tough. Her favorite member of One Direction is Louis Tomlinson, and her favorite Agatha Christie detectives are Tommy and Tuppence.
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19 Responses to Warren G. Harding, You’s A Freak

  1. Commentatrix says:

    Wow. Just amazing nasty history unraveling right before our eyes. Sorry to say Harding rivals neither Napoleon nor Joyce in terms of letter writing sexiness, but he does take top prizes in creepy uncle-ness.

  2. Sota says:

    Get it Warren G! #eww

  3. Sota says:

    Basically this is the old school equivalent of the dick pic. http://tinyurl.com/qd4l6sg

  4. Well, at least it’s more eloquent than sexting.

  5. catweazle says:

    Somebody needs to find a time machine and save girlfriend some embarrassment by letting him know he can’t do sexy talk without sounding like a nerd.

  6. artdorkgirl says:

    Warren G. Harding…one of the worst presidents and a terrible pen pal.

  7. frauberesford says:

    “It was a clear black night, a clear white moon, Warren G. was on the streets, trying to consume some skirts for the eve, so I can get some funk, just rollin’ in my ride, chillin’ all alone.” – The Letters of President Harding, 1921-1923

  8. Casey says:

    “until [illegible]” = his boner knocked against the rolltop desk and spilled his inkwell all over the presidential stationary.

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