Questions For The Walmart Inhabitant

Earlier this week, a teenager in Corsicana, TX was found living inside of the local Walmart.  Until employees discovered the boy, he had been staying in the super store for MULTIPLE DAYS.  How did he do it?  By setting up hidden compartments in the baby stroller and paper towel aisles, where he slept.  He had another secret compartment behind the drink aisle to grab refreshments and change clothes.  The kid was so meticulous, he wore diapers to avoid using the store’s restroom.

Well he wasn’t careful enough, as his trail of garbage (and my guess, stench) led store clerks to the teen’s whereabouts.  He was eventually reunited with his aunt, but there are still many unanswered questions.

  • What the hell did he do all day?  Does Walmart have Wi-Fi or did he watch Divergent on a loop in the electronics department?
  • 48+ hours without using ANY running water?  SERIOUSLY?
  • The kid also took a fish from the pet department.  Who the hell doesn’t use the bathroom to avoid detection, but takes on the responsibilities of owning a pet?
  • Is he our generation’s Kevin McCallister?


About FRQ

Once ate an entire blueberry cobbler by accident
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18 Responses to Questions For The Walmart Inhabitant

  1. artdorkgirl says:

    I like to think that this kid is just really into “King of the Hill” and was trying to recreate the episode where Chuck Mangione was hiding out in the Mega-Lo-Mart.

  2. nastyemu says:

    Maybe he watched Where the Heart Is and thought Natalie Portman would be living there too.

  3. flanny says:

    Ever since Basil E. Frankweiler I am slightly obsessed with the idea of children living in strange public places. I was once almost locked in my college library freshman year, and it was a dream come true. This kid sounds alright by me.

    • Sota says:

      Love that story! It is so charming. I would totally get trapped in the Met overnight. Oh the things you could do! I would be Risky Business dancing in my underwear all through the medieval wing just for the fun of it!

    • If I can’t be locked in a museum over night I’d at least like to be a night guard for a little while.

    • artdorkgirl says:

      I hate to burst your bubble, but museums are weird places at night. I always hated having to be at the place after hours (although our museum was supposed to be haunted, so maybe that had something to do with it.)

  4. Sota says:

    I used to work at the big Macy’s Herald Square in NYC and they have guard dogs that patrol the store at night. He would have been caught immediately had he tried it there.

    • Casey says:

      That is crazy! Are the just dogs loose in the store? Because that’s what I’m hoping.

      • Sota says:

        Not exactly running loose, but they definitely sound like they run the show at night. The dogs live in kennels on the rooftop most of the time, and then they patrol the store with the security guards after hours.

  5. Remember The Simpsons where they’re locked in the mall? That was the dream when you were a kid.

  6. old man fatima says:

    Why the hell didn’t he use the washrooms like once a day to take a whore’s bath in the sink and have a poop??? You can go once a day and still fly under the radar, young man! He needed a mentor, clearly.

  7. Casey says:

    How bad is your home life when you run away to Wal-Mart, though? Jesus.

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