Ni hao, fellow monsters! I’m here to bring you the latest trends currently sweeping our brothers and sisters in the East. It’s well known that China’s economy has boomed in recent years, and with that money, the Middle Kingdom has seen a wave of technological innovations come to fruition (kind of). As this site’s intrepid tech correspondent, I thought I’d share with you some of these cutting edge products and ideas.
First up, selfies! Ladies in China love taking pictures of themselves just as much as the rest of us. However, it appears that discretion is the name of the game, which has given rise to the popularity of cases that disguise phones as perfume bottles. Sony is looking to skip the middle man and release a camera that LOOKS LIKE a perfume bottle. It features a 1/2.3-inch 19-megapixel sensor and a 23mm-equivalent f/2 wide angle prime lens, along with wi-fi and apps to make it easy to upload photos to Twitter or Instagram or whatever.
Hey Sony, what about us fellas? Where’s our camera shaped like a belt sander?
Next, we have movie commentary! Normally, texting during a movie makes you a total dick, but some theaters in China are looking to make an exception by implementing “bullet screens”. These screens will be linked to a computer that takes text messages from audience members and displays them while the movie is showing.
This was inspired by the Japanese site Nicodou, which allows users to insert comments to online videos for all to read. It’s like crowdsourced MST3K, which can only be a recipe for kwality comments. This is the most irritating innovation in movie watching since Hollywood decided to make every fucking film in 3D. That being said, I look forward to its introduction in the United States within the year.