I Ate a Little Caesar’s Deep! Deep! Detroit-Style Pizza So You Don’t Have To

In my on-going series where I talk about disgusting food and then I eat the disgusting food, last week for lunch I went out of my way to eat the Hot & Ready Detroit-style pizza that FRQ and I were talking about in the comments section. Because I am a disgusting human being with bad taste in both music and food.
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As a native of a suburb of Detroit, I am more than a little familiar with the “pizza” chain Little Caesar’s. It was the go-to standard pizza of my childhood. I attended many a birthday party at a Little Caesar’s playland which is now a carpet store. My first foray into fundraising was probably selling Little Caesar’s Pizza Kits in elementary school. Mike Ilitch‘s granddaughter or something was a couple of years behind me in high school. My senior year of college was almost entirely fueled by $5 Hot-N-Ready pizzas, which had just come out.

But let’s get real. Little Caesar’s pizza is hella gross. It’s like cardboard. The Flanny family gets it only when desperate. Or if we have a real good coupon.

They’ve evidently, though, come up with something called “Detroit-style” pizza. (But it’s also “Deep! Deep!”? I dunno.) The description in this article made my mouth water. I, too, had never heard of “Detroit-style pizza,” because I just call it “yummy.” I decided to slum it for the sake of journalism because all of you [author’s note: none of you] were clamoring for it.

The closest Little Caesar’s to my workplace is about 10 miles away in the town where I now live. So I took a drive during lunch. Not only was I excited for the pizza, but also for the fact that I would have upwards of half an hour between driving from and to work so I could eat at my apartment instead of at my desk. I’m not sure if Little Caesar’s even has dine-in locations anymore, but I think the unspoken agreement is that the less time you spend inside of a Little Caesar’s the better you feel about eating Little Caesar’s.

And let me tell you, the exterior of my local establishment does not inspire confidence. It’s in the back corner of a crumble-down strip mall, between an Ace Hardware and an empty store front, and down a couple doors from an off-brand Curves. This has nothing to do with the pizza itself, but the parking lot was very confusing. There were hardly any lines that hadn’t been worn ghostly pale, and none of the lanes ran parallel to each other or to the strip mall. An Oldsmobile was pulling out of a spot as I was driving by and then gave me a wide berth and passed me going the opposite way ON MY RIGHT? That’s not real driving! Despite being 40% occupied, the strip mall was hopping, especially considering it was noon on a Thursday. I kind of assumed that everyone would be going to get a lunch combo, but no! I’m not actually sure where they were going, since I didn’t actually see anyone enter or exit any storefront. It was like when you’d watch one particular guest while playing Roller Coaster Tycoon and they’d pay their $5 to enter the park and then literally wander around for six minutes, not go on any rides or feel any emotions, and then leave. Or when traffic would reach the end of a segment of road in The Sims and then just disappear. Where were these people going? What was their motivation? Where do I live?

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My special box and pop. #pop #midwest

But I guess the pizza combo was fairly popular, because the lady who took my order and slid my special box across the counter called out to her coworker in the back and pointed at my box, signaling for her to make more. The counter lady was real nice, though. 🙂 I also grabbed a bottle of Pepsi from the self-serve cooler.

Back in my car, I navigated my way out of the parking lot and made the two minute drive back to my apartment.  And in those two minutes, I became a maniac.  Ugggg, the pizza smelled so good!  I couldn’t wait to get to my apartment and chow down!  While waiting at a stoplight, I lifted the top of the box and squealed. I parked as close as possible to my building and then walked like a granny in a suburban mall through the parking lot, sprinted up the stairs, and opened up my lunch. I poured a glass of water (because I actually do not drink pop, for the most part), and while I was pouring I kept saying to myself, “Take a picture before you take a bite, take a picture before you take a bite.” But as you can see in the picture below, my base animal instincts kicked in and before I knew what was happening, I was eating that pizza!

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Look how small and dainty my bite is, gentlemen! 😉

Is it good or bad that as soon as I was eating the pizza, I thought, “This’ll be so good cold.”  Mmm, I ate two pieces and they were perfect.  The crust was good and thick and gooey-ish.  (I once got a not-completely-baked-through pizza from an airport Pizza Hut and it was the best pizza I’ve ever had, so I am weird.)  The pepperoni was crispy and salty and almost inediblely spicy.  Grease oozed all over my fingers.  All the cheese came off in a big sheet, so it was like I was eating many different dishes.  A pepperoni dish as I peeled them off, a big old wad of cheese, and then the crust was like breadsticks pre-dipped in marinara.  Jesus Christ, I love you, pizza.

So I give this pizza four out of five stars for yumminess.  I give my local Little Caesar’s location’s parking lot zero out of five stars for appearance and layout.  And I give myself five out of five points for shamefulness.

PS.  Yes, it was so good cold.

PPS. Looking at the box, it looks like maybe there’s no apostrophe in the restaurant’s name, but I ain’t about to go back and edit every instance, so sorry.

About flanny

Flanny was born and raised in a Detroit suburb, but tells people she's from Detroit without clarification because it makes her sound tough. She is not tough. Her favorite member of One Direction is Louis Tomlinson, and her favorite Agatha Christie detectives are Tommy and Tuppence.
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44 Responses to I Ate a Little Caesar’s Deep! Deep! Detroit-Style Pizza So You Don’t Have To

  1. This really made me miss cold pizza for breakfast, which I haven’t had in YEARS (you are the worst, skin conditions aggravated by the ingestion of wheat). People always used to tell me how gross it was that I did that (sub topic: why are so many people so weird about only eating “proper” breakfast food? It’s not like the Breakfast Police are going to come and arrest you for eating something other than cereal or eggs in the morning, friends), but they were missing out, man.

    • artdorkgirl says:

      Our favorite pizza joint up here does a gluten free pizza! You should check around.

      • Yeah, I’ve tried a few from the places near me, but they’re not great, and most of them use rice flour, which I also don’t react well to (me and grains just don’t get along; it doesn’t seem to be gluten specifically). I’m fine if I only have about two pieces or so, every once in awhile, so I’d rather splurge on the real thing when I do have it.

    • flanny says:

      Isn’t the point of pizza that you can eat it for two meals in a row???

    • taoreader says:

      I make a wicked good gluten free pizza with Bob’s Red Mill Pizza Dough Mix. It comes with the yeast packet!

    • Commentatrix says:

      My mom thinks it’s gross that I don’t like to heat up most takeout leftovers. It visibly pains her to see me eat a cold leftover! Also eating it standing up instead of at the table like “a civilized person.”

    • mikaelajm says:

      The Breakfast Police people are legit the WORST. Delicious food is still delicious in the morning! Especially since people think it’s cute and fun to do “breakfast for dinner.” The other day I ate the soup I brought to the office at 1030 in the morning and I could FEEL people judging me.

      • taoreader says:

        So many cultures make no real distinction between breakfast food and other food. You’re in Japan, want some breakfast? Here’s some cooked fish, rice, green tea, and vegetables. Dinner? Here’s some rice (or noodles), fish, green tea, and vegetables.

        Seems healthier to me than a bowl of cereal.

  2. artdorkgirl says:

    Little Caesers was totally THE slumber party pizza, mostly because they were so cheap and there was always one kid who would only eat cheese and why the hell is my dad paying fully price for a no topping pizza.

    Also, isn’t that just Sicilian style pizza? Have I been lied to my whole life?

  3. Sota says:

    I feel like this is like a love letter to pizza in the same way that Marshall Eriksen went on that crazy love speech about burgers that one time on HIMYM. Anyone? (Really good reference Sota.)

    ps. Now I want pizza.

  4. taoreader says:

    Flanny, thank you for saying “pop,” because I was born in Michigan and I still say it and people make fun of me, and thank you for understanding my relationship to Rollercoaster Tycoon. I feel validated.

    • flanny says:

      OMG, I love saying pop. I’m so excited to be able to say it all the time and not have people look askance at me. In Boston, I always had to repeat “soda” in my head before I ordered, and then I’d enunciate it too much– “I’d like a soooooooooh-duuuuuuuuh”–because it felt so unnatural.
      (What city were you born in????)

      • Sota says:

        When I was in NYC people would actually laugh at me when I would say Pop. Then as soon as I got good at saying Soda I moved back to the midwest. Now I have serious order anxiety.

      • taoreader says:

        I was born in the little town of Mason. My siblings were both born in Lansing, and my father was born in and grew up in Detroit. We moved around a lot, later to Toledo and South Jersey, then to various parts of Pennsylvania, where people actually have arguments over the use of “pop” or “soda.” Stupidest argument ever! Pop is only one syllable, so duh, it’s the best!

        I live in Boston now and totally relate to that thought process!

        • flanny says:

          LADY I AM SO CLOSE TO MASON!!!!

        • taoreader says:

          WHAAAT? I’ve met people from Michigan who have never even heard of Mason. Understandable, given it’s a big state. Now I wish I could remember where I started school because yo’d probably know it!

          I have a lot of relatives in Kalamazoo.

        • flanny says:

          So I grew up between Detroit and Flint and went to school in Kzoo, so this latest town I live in the my first experience with mid-Michigan and the Lansing area. If you had told me two months ago you were born in Mason, I would have had no clue, tbh. Awww, let me know if you ever come back to the Mitten to visit!

  5. nastyemu says:

    You guys, pizza is so good. Even terrible pizza is good. I packed a lunch today but I am going to get pizza now instead.
    A few weeks ago, Femu went to a concert with her mother so I was on my own for dinner. I got a large (16″) pizza with peperoni and mushrooms, and ate the whole damn thing. I didn’t need to eat the whole thing, but I did anyway because pizza is that good. Late that night when Femu and her mom got back, they saw the pizza box still sitting on the counter and got excited. “Ooooh leftover pizza!” Haha, no, there is no leftover pizza. There is never leftover pizza. There is just pizza I haven’t finished yet.

  6. catweazle says:

    I haven’t had Little Caesar’s since I was a kid. It was always my favorite back then though I have no idea whether it was actually good or I just had terrible kid taste, but the one by my house burned down and they never reopened and now I kind of don’t want to tarnish my pizza memories by eating a pizza called something as pornographic as “Hot and Ready.”

  7. This looks disgusting but in that way that I must have it in my belly. When I last moved I moved out of range of my favorite pizza place and have yet to find a good replacement. There’s a divine place nearby but they don’t deliver and really the point of pizza is to not have pants on.

  8. Kate says:

    Hungry for pizza….don’t have any 😦

  9. Let’s not talk about Little Caesars without mentioning Crazy Bread. Did you guys have Crazy Bread? It was the BEST!!! Basically, just super buttery breadsticks with parmesan and garlic.

  10. smacky says:

    I had reheated broccoli cheese soup that my wife had ordered (I am the one who will eat the leftovers in my house. Good thing I’m years beyond being picky) and I had specifically packed these super crunchy veggie sticks to go with them (basically potato chips in french fry shape) and I apparently left them on the counter.

    It’s the little things that make life what it is sometimes, and damn, I was really looking forward to dipping them in hot soup.

    Hope I can salvage something out of this day now.

  11. FRQ says:

    I’m really glad you did this, but I shouldn’t have read this so close to lunch time. Now I really want pizza and there’s a Papa John’s across the street from my office. I really don’t want to eat Papa John’s.

  12. 101percentjuice says:

    i’d like to clamor for this to become a regular column or even a series that anyone can contribute to, like tourism for weirdos. A++++ would read forever.

    • facetaco says:

      Agreed! Can you do the new Little Caesars pizza that has a pretzel crust and cheddar cheese sauce? Because it sounds fucking disgusting and I want someone to try it. OR! We could have Flanny/Facetaco lunch breaks, where we meet halfway between Charlotte and Lansing and eat gross stuff and tell people about it!

  13. Casey says:

    That looks like school cafeteria pizza in the best way possible. Thank you for making me unreasonably hungry, Flanny.

  14. flanny says:

    Despite the fact that no one will see this, I feel the need to post a correction. My local Little Caesars isn’t between an Ace Hardware and an empty storefront, but an Ace Hardware and a Cash Advance.

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