Happy October Monsters! Now that it is officially the spookiest month of the year, you better start getting ready. There are costumes to be made, treats to bake and parties to plan! I know, you are probably already getting stressed out just thinking about it, but all will be alright! There is a really handy dandy website where you can purchase items to help you plan the most perfect spooky themed Halloween Party EVER! I have taken the time to peruse the 250 pages of items tagged as “halloween” on Etsy and went screenshot crazy picking out the choicest gems that are perfect for you! (No, I didn’t really look at all 250 pages…but I definitely looked at a lot.)
First up…Invitations! You want your guest to feel really special when they get invited, and that means you should probably threaten to drink their blood. #vamplife
Another option for those who aren’t really into the O+ drink plan, would be going with a more morgue feel. Here you can order a Coroner tag for your undead guest list. (Ghosts don’t need invitations.) It might be kinda tough to make that seem spooky unless you actually live at 666 Haunted House Ave, which hopefully you don’t because that would certainly be ghost central. If your address is something pretty like Scenic Lakeview Lane or basic like West 12th Street it just wont quite have the same effect.
When all else fails, just go with a boo joke.
Perfect! Now that you have that guest list and invites out in the mail, let’s get cracking on the most important part…Treats! Candy, candy, candy, obviously…but throwing some mini-Snickers bars and pumpkin shaped Reeses in a bowl isn’t going to cut it this year! In comes Etsy to bail you out with a few ideas…
Bleeding and bloody things:
The poop of things that don’t poop:
Sidenote: Is this concept less gross since ghosts and pumpkins don’t poop? I realize it’s a joke, but still.
Intricately crafted wrappers for candy (which come already wrapped) that children will not appreciate and will demolish in 12 seconds:
Planning your costume is a crucial step in your party planning. You need to make sure you and your family look spooktacular for this event.
Here is an idea for the person who really just wants to cut holes in a bedsheet and put forth no effort, but doesn’t want to ruin their sheets. Instead they just ordered something online but they still want people to know they don’t really care about costumes at all. #partypoopergeorgebanks
For the demanding teenager who only wants candy. Refuse this kid and they will egg your house or smash your pumpkins.
For the crafty knitter with wayyyyy too much time on their hands. Download this pattern and whip up some spiderweb shawls to wear around.
Bonus: This can be made super slutty if necessary. Remember the wise words of Cady Heron, “Halloween is the one day of the year that a girl can dress like a total slut and no one else can say anything about it.”
Here is an option for those who love fruit-themed Halloween cosplay (is that a thing?) and also costumes that might possibly be made by child labor. That is definitely a child working (maybe?) in the background of the photo.
For the baby in your life, Breakfast Burritos are the hot costume this year! Umm…why is the bacon black? Even the baby looks uncertain about this. I have a feeling this will be a “montezuma’s revenge” style burrito.
Don’t forget! Your pet needs to be in costume too! Monica Gellar’s pet peeve is “animals dressed as humans,” but don’t worry about that, Etsy provides an alternative. How about dressing your animal as a different animal? Or a vegetable? And clearly you would need to have that costume crocheted. (How did they get the cat to sit for the photo? He is certainly plotting some sort of backlash retaliation!)
Here is something specifically for Homeless Monsters! 🙂 Awww.
Please note: There were no Cumberbatch costumes available on Etsy. I looked. Although there was this…which came up when I searched “Cumberbatch costume” soooo there is something. Don’t say I never did anything for you guys.
Now we get to Etsy’s most important role…decorations for your house! The decor for your party must be absolutely perfect to get that seasonal ambiance in place. Etsy is alive solely to sell you decorations that you probably don’t need and most likely could make yourself if you had the desire or energy to go out and buy the supplies. There are so many great options!
The grand entrance must be marked with some sort of festive wreath. How about this one? Even the seller thinks its disgustingly gross. Probably not going to help with sales, but it is pretty true. Tis the season to gross up your house!
Continuing with the skeletal theme, how about a lamp that looks like a ribcage? Your guests will love perusing the food table and thinking about their innards.
Really anything with a skeleton on it will work.
Your party should have assorted super strange knick-knacks and halloween themed (sort of?) objects placed all over. Here are a few ideas…
What about a emesis pan? Do you know what the word emesis means? I didn’t, I had to google it, and let’s just say ick. This is a vomit tray…don’t worry though, it is an antique vintage vomit tray, which is much fancier. The seller suggests you use it as a candy bowl. Which could be handy in case you eat too much candy and then have to use it for its actual purpose. Skeleton foot sold separately.
Gourds are super halloweeny. It is mother fucking gourd season after all! Show off your art appreciation with some gourds painted as the ghoul version of American Gothic! It’s cultured AND festive decor.
Beautiful hand-painted pot, complete with haunted house and…ghosts??? You be the judge.
Felt ghosts for your colorblind guests. When has a ghost ever not been white? Maybe these are the same kind of ghost species as Slimer was. Are ghost species a thing?
Here are a few items that you should just go ahead and make for yourself because honestly why are they even selling them online? Anyone could make these with some googly eyes and a paint brush.
All wall-hangings and signage that you use to decorate your party should fit into two categories, a halloween play on words OR super creeptastic imagery of dead stuff.
Is this an innuendo?
Don’t put this one outside. The teenagers in your neighborhood will certainly change that W to a B, even if you are the cool mom on the block that gives out full size candy bars.
Creepy creepy creepy! Skeleton baby? Cat ghost ship captain? PERFECT.
Be sure to put up some art with a depressing mention of death! Really set the mood. This might be the last party your guests ever go to, although if thats too dark, remind them they can haunt parties forever once they are ghosts. #protip
Last but not least, decorate with a few lumpy pumpkins and you are good to go!
YOU ARE ALL SET! Visit Etsy.com for all your party planning needs! In the end, if you only buy one of everything I recommended, this party only ended up costing you $853.76. No biggie. Happy Haunting!