B-Cumbs wants you to know he was a gay rights defender before it was cool

In news that might make even Artdork roll her eyes, Celebricrush of the Homeless Monsters and Friend of the Gays Benedict Cumberbatch humbly recounted a story of his own boarding school heroism to Out Magazine this week:

“These kids were chasing this poor kid, and they came into my house, breathless — a Sikh, a Jordanian prince, an Indian, and a Nigerian. I said, ‘Stop, stop, stop, stop,’ because they all just came charging down the corridor, and I said, ‘What just happened?’ and they told me, ‘It’s disgusting, isn’t it?’ And I went, ‘No, your behavior is fucking disgusting. How would you feel if you were chased because you have a turban, or you were chased because of the color of your skin, or you were chased because of your religion? It’s about being an individual. You can’t tolerate that? Are you sick in the head?’ And they were like, ‘What? No. Why, are you gay?’ And I said, ‘No, but I can clearly see that you’re bullies. You’re just nasty human beings.’ ”

Hahahahaha! Benny, Benny, Benny, whaddya doing, bro? This is some Gwyneth shit right here! OK, fine, maaaaybe this story isn’t fake but it definitely SOUNDS SO FAKE. I don’t even know which fake detail of this fake anecdote to fake applaud the most. Is it the part that sounds like the beginning of a racist joke? Is it the one where all four of the bullies happened to be non-white? Perhaps it’s the part where Saint Whitey, at the tender age of British boarding school age, lectured said bullies like something out of a Very Special Episode of Saved by the Bell.

‘Tis a trying time indeed for us Homeless Monsters, nay, AMERICANS. Between this and recent fashion choices, will we ever look at B-Cumbs the same way again?

About Commentatrix

First-wave millennial.
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30 Responses to B-Cumbs wants you to know he was a gay rights defender before it was cool

  1. Yeeeahh, this one he maybe should’ve kept under the ol’ cap, because even if it actually happened, it sounds very fake and more than a little obnoxious.

    • gnidrah says:

      I thought the same. It’s a shame because as you say, even if it happened, it just sounds like, what do you want, a fucking medal? Jordanian prince is a nice touch though.

  2. artdorkgirl says:

    Ok. Perhaps he’s being a bit much. Maybe I should have a talk with him (over dinner, someplace nice but not fussy.)

  3. FRQ says:

    So basically he’s Ichabod Crane in every episode of Sleepy Hollow.

  4. catweazle says:

    Oh god, this interview. He’s lucky he looks so pretty in the pictures because I’m rolling my eyes so hard. The thing is, it seems like he really genuinely does care about gay rights but there is also always this “no homo” undercurrent when he talks about it. Especially in the part of the interview where they ask him about fanfic and he seems so put out that people write fanfics where Sherlock is on the receiving end? Get over it, buddy, it’s Tumblrtown.

    • artdorkgirl says:

      He did officiate his friend’s gay wedding tho? So…

      Yeah, I think he’s just over the Johnlock stuff because that is literally all anyone in the US asks him about. At first they were all kinda nice about it. Now, not so much.

      • catweazle says:

        It’s possible to support the gay community but still have internalized homophobia. I wish he didn’t feel the need to point out that he’s straight every time he talks about this movie. I’m sorry but that’s just bullshit. Does he bring up the fact that he’s actually English when doing interviews about movies where he plays Americans? No. It’s a big pet peeve of mine when people do this because you can’t say “It doesn’t matter what your sexuality is, BUT I’M STRAIGHT!” (I’m just now realizing I still have anger leftover from my years in high school GSA, sorry to take it out on you Benny I think you’re ok mostly).

        Also people just need to stop asking actors about fan fiction written about their characters. It does not end well for anybody involved.

  5. facetaco says:

    To be fair, he probably really is super against bullying; he’s had to deal with it from an early age. The first time he was ever bullied was when his parents named him Benedict Cumberbatch.

  6. catweazle says:

    I’m sorry I was super distracted by my feelings and didn’t even notice how absurd the picture on this post is. What was the stage direction here. “Please look as though you are exasperated because you climbed on this stack of chairs for some weird reason and somebody made off with your shoes”????

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