Gird your loins: DC just announced it’s new lineup of superhero movies, ensuring that we will none of us ever be free from this onslaught. I wonder how long it’ll be before we all start measuring time in franchises instead of years. “Aw, your daughter is adorable, how old is she?” “One and a half Batmans!” I’m tired, friends. I’m so very tired.
On the plus side, the lineup includes a standalone Wonder Woman movie and three starring men of color (Aquaman, Cyborg, and Shazam), which is satisfying in light of Marvel’s Kevin Feige’s notorious evasiveness about when we might get an MCU film that isn’t White Dude 7: The Dudening. I’d be excited about that if DC didn’t seem so determined to turn all of their films into joyless, desaturated angst-fests. (Okay, I’m still a little excited for Aquaman, because at least we’ll get to see lots of shirtless Jason Momoa looking like a beautiful tropical fish.)
DC isn’t the only studio that’s released news–or, in this case, “news” this week, though:
A rumor that Captain America 3 is going to include the comic’s widely reviled Civil War storyline popped up in Variety, and people are PISSED. I saw so many angry Tumblr posts yesterday! And I feel them, because it’s a terrible idea that makes no sense in the current movie verse–which leads me to believe, like the author of that linked io9 article (possible spoilers ahoy), that if it happens at all, it’s going to be majorly tweaked for the movies, just like all the other comic arcs they’ve used have been. My guess is that someone got wind of the title, looked up the comic, and jumped to a whole lot of conclusions.
Anyway, this has all been a lot to take in, so let’s end with what remains, and will remain, forever, the greatest movie moment of all time: