The Search Terms Of October

This was an excellent month for search terms. Let’s get to it:

homeless boners  (perfect)

googleturtles  (sounds adorable!)

i am eating pizza love letters  (same)

what is jeff goldblum doing in oct 2014  (wouldn’t we all like to know)

gracepoint wtf  (hahaha, indeed)

adam levine douche bag  (all signs point to “yes”)

it’s friday let’s enjoy guys  (let’s!!)

how are the homeless related to monsters  (…)

scary halloween pictures jump out you  (no, I hate those!)

a best friend that tolerates me  (awww)

all white people on himym  (that’s a lot of white people)

interspecies monatersex  (the typo makes it)

excavator styuck in mine pitthebfirstbcocki sucked  (my goodness)

sexy homeless freak  (this isn’t Missed Connections, searchers)

jewish grandmas in bathing suits   (I’m side-eyeing so many of these this month)

wendys chili procedure is wrong   (a bold claim!)

граббер новостей для вордпресс  (…anyone know Cyrillic?)

peter pan has no feelings   (I’m sure he has at least one)

why do cats grapple   (for the exercise, probably)

ru paul’s ass  (behave yourself)

scary kitten picture   (does this even exist?)

colton burps what he saw  (poetry)

doot doot doot doot halloween themed classical music  (MY FAVORITE. I’m in love with you, searcher.)

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31 Responses to The Search Terms Of October

  1. msmessica says:

    excavator styuck in mine pitthebfirstbcocki sucked
    This is a journey into a mind.

  2. catweazle says:

    You can probably see a lot of interspecies monatersex on porno sota tv.

  3. ALSO, GUYS: Jezebel finally posted their commenter’s ghost stories, which they do every year on Halloween, and they are super terrifying (there’s two installments; the first is linked in this one):

    The “Look At Me” one, oh my god.

    • msmessica says:

      YES! Does anyone remember the demon torture truck from a few years ago? I still am not crazy about dark windowed old trucks! (Who would be anyway but it was a scorcher.)

    • old man fatima says:

      I just read Look At Me and I might never sleep again

      • I’ve always hated sitting at desks that face away from the door and now I NEVER WILL AGAIN.

        • old man fatima says:

          Twice last week I found doors that I thought had been closed, locked, and latched (old people owned this house before me so all of the doors have deadbolts AND those chain-and-latch dealies) wide open. I was able to explain away both… First one was the basement door, and roommate’s bf had left through that door because he stowed his bike in the basement and he wouldn’t have been able to latch and lock it from the outside so maybe it blew open. Second one I wasn’t 100% sure if I had locked and latched it after I let the dog out for a pee, so again maybe it blew open. BUT I have also been finding chicken bones left on my property. At first I thought maybe a neighbourhood cat had killed a pigeon or something, but they are cleaned chicken bones and there are SO MANY of them. One day I came inside from running errands, got the dog, and when I left with her for a walk maybe 5 mins later there were three chicken bones on my porch! And then I was home alone all day and when I went into my room there was a stuffed monkey on the dresser!! I was losing my mind over that one, and then roommate texted to ask if I got the monkey she left me when she popped in quickly while I was in the shower. Still. Creepy times for me and this story is not making me feel better!

        • hotspur says:

          Everything you just said is Act One of a horror movie. Good luck at the party tonight!

  4. artdorkgirl says:

    This is my favorite time of the month. Clearly this is a blog with strong opinions about chili and I for one I’m glad word is spreading!

  5. facetaco says:

    I feel like if you’re looking for sexy homeless freaks, maybe the internet isn’t the place for that? I’d recommend starting under a bridge.

  6. Sota says:

    Pizza love letters! THIS IS A ROMANTIC GESTURE I CAN APPROVE OF! Putting this on my okcupid profile asap.

    • facetaco says:

      I found a post-it note in my pizza once. But there was nothing written on it. I think the cook was just an asshole.

  7. flanny says:

    (I’m sorry I’m like this, guys.)

  8. old man fatima says:

    I Google translated the Russian one and it is v. disappointing. Leave it to your imagination, guys. You can def come up with something better.

  9. Let’s all write love letters to pizza.

  10. Casey says:

    It’s not too late to change the name of the blog to Homeless Boners.

  11. mikaelajm says:

    wendys chili procedure is wrong

    sorry searcher, this is inaccurate. perhaps “perfect” is the word you were looking for?

Comments are closed.