What is Jeff Goldblum Doing?

After christening this ongoing feature, I was only hoping for a little bit of Jeff news here and a little bit there. Nothing major, nothing, uhhh, earth shattering. My thinking was that we’d all have a few good smiles and warm ourselves in the glow of his Jeffly radiance every month or two.

So it was much to my surprise that just a week after the initial post, my newly established Jeff Goldblum Google Alert was already blowing up like an alien mothership that just came down with a case of the Goldbooms.

And, well…guys, I think you’re going to need to sit down for this one. Us Weekly and other celeb journals are reporting that Jeff just trampled the dreams of hot-blooded women everywhere tied the knot with his fiancee Emilie Livingston! The couple apparently had some kind of special, secret do at the Chateau Marmont over the weekend, prompting Emilie to post a very telling pic:

Unicorns? Dom Perignon? Adorable little drawings of his and hers wedding outfits? Yes, it looks like this is a done deal (on a totally side note, the word “occasion” always looks like it’s spelled wrong, even when it’s right. I checked twice you guys).

Naturally, we at Homeless Monsters wish the new Mrs. Goldblum nothing but a plague of velociraptors endless health and happiness.

One word of consolation (if there is any) is that a Jeff Goldblum married does not seem to stay married, per se. This is Jeff’s third time at the hitching post, so there’s always hope that life will find a way.


About Casey

Sassiness mistaken for horribleness.
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16 Responses to What is Jeff Goldblum Doing?

  1. old man fatima says:

  2. flanny says:

    Please tell me Jeff drew those unicorns. (Also, guys, his name is Jeff! Why is that so funny? Jeff!!)

  3. FRQ says:

    I was going to congratulate Mr. Goldblum on the nuptials, but I see that would result in a bounty on my head from everyone here.

  4. facetaco says:

    I am NOT okay with seeing the year I graduated high school being referred to as “vintage.” Fuck everything about this.

  5. Sota says:

    I’m going to congratulate Jeff and Emilie! I am not sure how I feel about us wishing our famous boyfriends into divorce. Seems like we are asking for karmic disaster. Therefore, CONGRATS AND BE HAPPY MY LOVE!

  6. Sota says:

    ps. I think all of us around here have a case of the Goldbooms.

    • Sota says:

      Also! I just read that Emilie is 31! THIRTY ONE! This could have been any one of us! We must start going to more parties with famous people. I have hopes that one of us monsters could land one of our monster boyfriends. We just need to find them!

      • Sota says:

        (hopefully that doesnt sound to stalkery…uhhhh yeah)

      • old man fatima says:

        Patrick Stewart’s wife is our contemporary too (35 I think?)!!

        • flanny says:

          Let us also remember Aaron Taylor-Johnson and his wife who is 24 years his senior. I bring this up even though I have no personal interest in a relationship with such an age difference. Nope. Not talking about me. Just pointing out that ten years is a lot smaller of gap than twenty-four years. No personal reason to point this out. This has nothing to do with boyband members.

        • Erika says:

          And they combined their names? I was aspiring to be Gillian Anderson, but now I think I’ll aspire to be Sam Taylor-Johnson.

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