It’s hard to imagine what I was possibly doing while every other girl my age was watching Gilmore Girls. Marching band? Listening to Alanis Morissette on repeat? Still watching TV with my parents? It could be anything (except being cool and hanging out with cool kids. I wasn’t doing that). Whatever the reason, I somehow missed the boat the first time around. Sometimes in life, however, you get second chances. This is the story of one of those times.
First up: some ground rules. I’m only a couple episodes into season 4 (The College Years!) so no spoilers on the rest of the series. This puts me almost halfway through the series which I think is a good checking-in point. I’ll also write a similar post once I’m finished and then we can talk about everything! Next, I figured out pretty early on that Lorelai is roughly my age (in the first season she’s about 2 years older than I am now) so that made this a little weirder than I expected. Finally, I always hate goody-goodies in TV shows, so sorry, Rory, but I sometimes roll my eyes at you.
Alright, first things first, what’s up with how lame all the boys are? Is this a controversial opinion? Should I be swooning over Jess, hoping I could somehow change him? Is Chris supposed to be a hottie? IS LUKE??? I get that Stars Hollow is a small town and sometimes the pickin’s are just slim, but I have yet to feel excited about either Gilmore girl’s prospects (except Jon Hamm, who was sadly featured in an episode that will be remembered only for not having enough Jon Hamm).
So what’s the bigger crime for a teen heartthrob, being boring or being a jerk? Dean later drunkenly asked, “Why didn’t she love me?” and I have some frank opinions! Dean suffers from classic “too nice” syndrome which is really only a thing if you’re also too boring. Young girls will always reject the nice guy in favor of the bad boy (even one as short as Jess!) because they’re craving excitement. It’s not that nice guys finish last, it’s that boring guys are often confused for nice guys, and, Dean, you are both! He also clearly never inspired much lust in Rory because he bought her a car and they only ever sat in the front seat (he didn’t REV her engine!). (Side note: how much did Lorelai drop the ball on the safe sex talk??) I was hoping for Rory to get with Jess just because she clearly had the hots for him and I was just hoping to see The Virginity Episode (why was I so excited for this? I can’t say. Frankly, I think it’s weird how much I couldn’t wait for Rory to lose her virginity. Double frankly, I can’t believe it still hasn’t happened!!!) Jess really dropped the ball, swoon-worthy-boyfriend-wise. Sure, he’s attractive and owns a leather jacket (bad boy alert!), but his real appeal was that he was also smart (sorry, Jordan Catalano!) and seemed to really GET Rory in a town of non-getters. But then he became King of “You do your lame thing and then we can make out after” (it’s called the sober booty call, Rory, and you deserve better!). If Rory were a real person, I’d tell her to spend at least the first two years at Yale single – pick up new hobbies! meet different types of guys! try dating Rory! Also quit driving home every weekend! That’s not how you grow and get new friends! Instead, this is a TV show and seriously, throw us an interesting dating bone here!!
As for Lorelai’s dates, I think I’m just confused. No wonder she’s still single! I get that Luke is supposed to be the charming boy-next-door who was right by her side all along! He’s kind of an ass and not hot enough to get away with Gruff and Grumpy as a personality trait. Sure, he fixes things around the house for Lorelai on her birthday and he’s always there when she really needs him, but I’m still not impressed. Chris is supposed to be The One that Got Away, but I think Lorelai is actually going to come out ahead the longer she waits for him. He’s much better looking in 2014 than he was in the show. Also not much for a bad boy, kind of boring in fact. His baby mama is the worst (which is saying a lot in a show that has Paris) so I get how annoyed Loreali is at how it has panned out (so far!!!).
As for the non-dating elements of the show, Sookie is a real delight! At first, I was annoyed that they glossed over the early months of her pregnancy (really?? no morning sickness??? no good jokes about a chef with morning sickness?), but then I realized she was probably just cheerful even while feeling like garbage. Side note: even Jackson is kind of lame, right? Are there just zero fun, attractive guys in Stars Hollow??
Business idea if anyone living in Stars Hollow is looking to make a billion dollars: open a bar! People in town clearly drink (shout out, Emily & Richard!!!) so why isn’t there somewhere great to pound some brews or for Sookie and Lorelai to toast cosmos while they talk very quickly about life? You know Kurt and Taylor could out wine-snob each other! Just a fictional business proposition.
As for the other characters, I like Emily if only because she’s a small step away from Lucille Bluth. Paris almost makes the show unbearable for me (I considered stopping when I saw she would be in the college years too), but it seems like she’s actually mellowed out now that she got laid. Poor Lane. Your mom sucks, but you’re gonna be okay, Lane. I know because somehow you found Adam Brody when Rory was still dating losers. Also please go back to the purple hair.
Finally the biggest question of them all: what’s up with how much food they eat? No one knows, but the only thing about it I found confusing was why Rory liked Indian food so much in a small town that clearly had zero Indians. Speaking of, what’s up with all the straight white people? I know it was Connecticut in the 90s and I should just play along, but they couldn’t get a token person of color for some background shots? (No, Michel doesn’t count.) I’m supposed to believe there are zero gay people in Stars Hollow? I’d be up for a coming out episode!
So that leaves us with some questions heading into the second half of the series:
- Will we see the Dragonfly returned to its former glory with Lorelai at its helm?
- Will Rory ever meet a non-douche?
- What the hell is up Luke’s ass and will he ever get it out?
- What will Sookie & Jackson name their son and could he possibly be the one cool guy in Stars Hollow?
- Can someone please hug Kurt?
- Who will finally punch Taylor?
- Why hasn’t anyone punched Paris yet??