Santa: A Month of Cheers Special Report

It all happend to us at one point.  We realized the truth about Santa.

He’s not real!!  He’s just your mom or dad!!

I’ll tell you my story of Santa discovery, which isn’t all that interesting but it’s the holidays and what else are we going to talk about.  Basically, my parents got lazy and screwed up.  See, in the artdork home, gifts from Santa were UNwrapped, while gifts from mom and dad were always wrapped.  Then, one year, all the gifts were wrapped, even the one’s labled “From Santa.”  I’m on to you, Mom and Dad.  If those are even your real names.

Did Santa switch brands on you?

So how did you find out?  Were you a thoroughly logical child who could not wrap their mind around how Santa could deliver all of those gifts?  Did some snot-nosed kid on the playground ruin it for you?  Did you ever try to prove that Santa was real?  Answer in the comments!

About artdorkgirl

Amanda is working on her PhD at Boston University, where she is educating herself out of any useful career. She enjoys art, cats, and arguing about historical figures.
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42 Responses to Santa: A Month of Cheers Special Report

  1. facetaco says:

    I figured it out when I went to look for something in my parents’ closet and found a pogo stick, which “Santa” brought the next week. THEN I learned that pogo sticks are nowhere near as fun as they seem like they would be. That Christmas was a real double whammy for me.

  2. My older brother told me one year because he was mad at me for some reason (I may have deserved it, but I may not have. We were both brats). Joke was on him, because I didn’t care! I don’t remember ever having a strong belief in Santa; as long as I got presents, it didn’t matter to me where they came from.

    • flanny says:

      I also don’t particularly remember ever really 100% believing in Santa. We didn’t have a fireplace, so that was issue #1. And then I put two and two together and realized that Santa’s handwriting was the same as my mom’s fancy calligraphic writing. But I did pretend to believe for a much longer time than I needed to, because I was the youngest and I felt like it was my duty to believe. In the end we never really talked about it, and much like many of the mysteries of adulthood, my mom and I just came to a silent agreement about it.

      • facetaco says:

        I feel like Facetaquito has already figured it out, but is keeping quiet so he can get presents. He’s a sneaky little dude, and he notices EVERYTHING that happens. He’s also good at keeping secrets when it’s to his benefit.

      • There was part of me that wanted to believe Santa was real in the same way I really wanted my letter from Hogwarts. Both ideas just seemed way cooler than real life.

      • catweazle says:

        My dad was really into making sure we all believed so he would write the labels on the “Santa” gifts with his left hand. He would also leave a letter from Santa next to the cookie plate in the morning. And my parents always wrapped the Santa gifts in different paper than their gifts. What I am trying to say is that it was not 100% my fault that I believed until I was 12.

        • Sota says:

          My coworker wanted to keep her kids in Santa mode a while longer and used spray snow to make Santa footprints, and one time hired her friend to run from the house in a Santa suit so the kids could see Santa escaping etc. I kinda love that parents go to great lengths to keep it going.

  3. old man fatima says:

    I never believed in the first place because I’m no fun at all, but here is my favourite story about finding out about Santa. I feel like I’ve told it before SO SUE ME IT IS JUST SO GREAT.

    I worked with a girl whose parents would get suuuuper into Christmas. They’d leave reindeer poops and hoof prints all over the lawn, they’d leave sooty boot prints from the chimney to the cookies to the tree. They did this well into her teens. I should mention that she is the youngest child, it’s not like it was being done for younger siblings’ benefits. When she was 14, they were given letters in English class that kids from the elementary school had written to Santa, and they were meant to reply to them. She asked why they didn’t just send them to the North Pole so Santa could answer them himself and everyone laughed and she was like “lololol obviously I was joking” and then ran home after school and cried for 2 hours.

  4. I was 5 years old and my brother found out or something and so I found out at the same time. I don’t remember exactly how it happened, just that I was only 5 and that seemed pretty young. What is the right age to find out? Since I found out so young, I have realized that I’ve always been a little judgey about people who found out way too late, but who even knows when that is.

  5. catweazle says:

    I had to go to Religious Education (what they renamed CCD after too many kids started referring to it as “Central City Dump”) once a month when I was a kid and one year my teacher asked everybody if they believed in Santa and TBH we were pretty old for Santa at that point but I still believed probably mainly because I was too lazy to think about it for even a second (which is weird because from a very young age I thought of Jesus as being a fictional story you listened to at church to teach you how to be nice and didn’t actually think I was supposed to believe he was real), but anyway, nobody raised their hand including me because I could read a room and didn’t want to look stupid and then the teacher made some speech about how it’s good to believe in things or something while still not trying to convince us that Santa was real. In retrospect I really don’t understand what the point of this exercise was because if she was trying to teach us about faith that was not really the best example! So it wasn’t traumatic for me so much as it was a moment of “Oh right, yeah, that makes more sense.” More disappointing to me was that I developed a crush on that teacher’s son after we performed in the Christmas pageant together and he never asked me out.

    • mordonez says:

      As a nonreligious person who is nominally Jewish, I will happily endorse your young self’s conception of Jesus.

    • This is kind of shitty, in my mind, because anyone who does still believe in Santa will be like “wait, we’re supposed to NOT believe in him?” and then figure it out. It’s like starting the question with “Raise your hand if you didn’t yet know that Santa isn’t real.”

      • catweazle says:

        I actually think she kind of did me a favor because we were 12 and if we didn’t know by then we were going to end up like the girl from Fatima’s story eventually. If it had been a bunch of eight-year-olds or something that would have been bad though.

  6. I think I already knew but my mom told me one night when she was really sick and I think mildly high on cough medicine. She was just grumpy from being sick and just blurted it out. I have a much older sister and she got mad because she liked setting up the toys. Also, Santa brought me toys that my mom could afford instead of the really cool stuff.

  7. artdorkgirl says:

    I don’t remember how it came up, but shortly after the “wrapped gifts from Santa” incident I remember talking to my mom about “the spirit of Santa/giving/being nice”. I was an only child, so I’m sure my parents were relieved to end the whole Santa deal.

    However, when I was probably 3 or 4, my dad (I found out later) was putting things in my stocking and dropped it and got a little ash on it. That bought them a few extra years of Santa belief right there!

  8. Kate says:

    I don’t remember ever catching my parents off guard about it. It just dawned on me that…nope…it’s just not possible for this to be true. I told my parents quietly, since I had 7 younger siblings and didn’t want to ruin it for them. They were relieved because now I could help them on Christmas eve. So I went from believing in Santa to becoming Santa. I’ve been a Santa ever since.

    • artdorkgirl says:

      That’s fun though! My cousin and I are the same age and both only children and for the longest time we were the youngest in the family, so once we were done with Santa it was pretty much over for awhile.

    • hotspur says:

      Yes! I was 6 or 7 and I Sherlocked Holmsed it out, that a fat man could not fit through our chimney and some of our neighbors didn’t even have chimneys, and that he would not have time to eat the cookies we left out and still visit all the other houses. Late one night (6:30?) I presented my case to the parents — who came clean but roped me into the conspiracy against my younger siblings. I was the very worst older brother (Google me) but I am happy to say that on that score I played my part well.

      SIDE BAR: When I was 11 I presented my case to a fellow 11-year-old who still believed, and was incredulous that she rejected the evidence. In fact the next day at the bus stop, she said “I asked my parents if what you said was true, and they said you’re a liar.” I lost a lot of respect for her that day, and have held this against her family ever since. I was not a liar, and your kid was a dope.

  9. Sota says:

    I don’t remember actually finding out, so it must not have been too traumatic for me. My mom loves to tell the story though about how my little brother found out that Santa wasn’t real before me and he made my Mom promise that they would all play along because he knew that I didn’t know yet. His sweet little heart wanted to make sure that it didn’t get ruined for me. Which is adorable.

    • Sota says:

      I do remember writing letters to Santa telling him that we would be at my Aunt and Uncle’s house or at Grandma’s house, etc just to make sure that he brought our presents to the right place. And I do remember sleeping in the hallway one year in my sleeping bag trying to see Santa. It is a cute tradition, I feel like I would definitely do Santa with my kids someday…but its hard to think about how you would approach telling them as a parent, in order to make sure they aren’t Fatima’s story happening again…

    • artdorkgirl says:

      That is adorable! What a great little brother!

  10. Simon Stroppymonk says:

    Some kid at my dad’s office party told me when I was really little. The idea had never crossed my mind before (being only five or so) but after maybe a couple days of resistance, I was like, “Of course. Obviously.” I was the first kid I knew who’d realized the truth about Santa, unless everybody my age was burdened with the same secret knowledge, and I didn’t tell anyone else because that feeling of magic bleeding from the world was the worst. And I pretended that I believed for years, partly to humour my parents and partly to protect my little brother from the harsh realities of existence. In fact, I was so good at pretending that my parents still think that I believed in Santa well into my teens, like some kind of dummy, despite the many times I’ve tried to disillusion them. But I’m pretty sure that my brother doesn’t believe in Santa anymore, so I guess my deception can’t be considered a complete success.

    • Kate says:

      What kind of a jerk tella 5 year old there’s no Santa! I’m thinking a drunk one. Poor little Simon!

      • Simon Stroppymonk says:

        It was an older kid. He’d probably just learned the news himself and needed to spread the pain to thin his own. Or he was a psychopath, a serial killer of dreams and tormentor of small animals. What? No, I’m not bitter.

  11. I was in 4th grade before I realized Santa REALLY wasn’t real. I was sleeping in my mom’s room and she brought the stockings in to put candy in them and I saw it and at that point, I couldn’t deny it any longer. But I was like Neverabadidea, it just seemed so great and I wanted it to be true. Even now my parents still do presents from Santa and stockings and stuff (me and my sisters are 25-30 so that’s kind of embarrassing to admit.)

  12. Casey says:

    I don’t really remember when I realized it, but I remember kind of being in denial about it for at least another Christmas or too. I was more incredulous when I was told that pro wrestling was fake, I think.

  13. kittwin says:

    My dad bought a bunch of presents for my mom and had us pick out which ones we, the children, wanted to give to her. Then the rest of those presents showed up under the tree as “from Santa” on Christmas morning. There had already been clues, but this was definitive proof! I remember we just giggled a bunch over how we caught him out, and my dad said to my mom, “umm, I think I messed up, honey.” But my twin sister and I had already stopped believing in the tooth fairy, because she so often forgot to put money under our pillows, and the Easter Bunny, due to finding candy under the bed. So I’m not sure why we even still believed in Santa. Kids at school would say he wasn’t real and I would say, “Who gives presents to your parents, then, hmmmm?” Foolproof kid logic!

  14. hotspur says:

    I just remembered that when I figured out Santa was a sham, I asked Okay, so, real talk continued, what about the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy? My parents said those were a different story. There was no chimney-too-narrow evidence to refute the bunny — his story held up. So that belief persisted a couple more years. And as I have noted in the past, to this day I am pretty sure leprechauns are real.

  15. taoreader says:

    I believed in Santa and God and Jesus and Mom and that they all worked together to get presents. God and Santa were on the same side. When I was ten I was still hanging on to the belief that magic was a real thing and Santa could deliver presents all over the world in one night. Finally my little sister told me there was no Santa Claus, it was just our parents. MY LITTLE SISTER TOLD ME.

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