So how much are you lifting with your vagina these days?

We’re nearing the end of January and that means lots of people are abandoning their fitness resolutions. So let’s check in.

How’s your vaginal weightlifting going? Lifted anything good lately? Like your morning cup of coffee? Your alarm clock? Or are you still working on lifting your cell phone? Baby steps, amiright ladies??

But wait, are you NOT practicing the ancient Taoist art of “jade egg vaginal strengthening?” Huh, weird.

You haven’t even heard about it? Well, let’s meet Kim Anami, sex expert and person who lifts surfboards with her ladyparts, and she can explain it.

(Photo from Instagram, @kimanami)

From her website:

Five thousand years ago, genital strengthening was considered a necessary life skill…In the ancient Taoist system of sexual practices—where sex was seen as medicine and a pathway to enlightenment—pelvic weight lifting was an essential part of their health regime…Women practiced the lifting with a jade egg. In the Chinese system of medicine, jade was thought to have healing and balancing effects on the female reproductive system.

So, basically, you tie some string to this jade egg, stick it inside you, and then tie something on to the other end and try to lift and hold it up….

Anami has dubbed this “vaginal kung fu,” a name that has absolutely no hint of cultural appropriation, nope, nosiree.

In an effort to gain awareness for “vaginal kung fu” (and presumably for her “salon” where she can teach you how to lift things for yourself, all for two easy payments of $275!) she’s traveling the world, liftin’ thangs left and right, and tagging it all #thingsiliftwithmyvagina.

(Instagram, @kimanami)

(Instagram, @kimanami)

(Instagram, @kimanami)

According to Anami’s site, the world record holder for vaginalifting is a Russian woman who lifted 31 POUNDS. So, I guess we all know what we can look forward to at the end of our training. You may one day be able to lift a small pet or toddler. That’s really gonna free your hands up to get some stuff done around the house.

About summerestherson

Summer Estherson has uncles enough to fill all of Cheapside.
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27 Responses to So how much are you lifting with your vagina these days?


  2. FRQ says:

    That’s some Jim Rose level shit right there.

  3. flanny says:

    I like how she’s always wearing short-shorts. It seems like a skirt would be the more obvious choice for this kind of whatever this is. But you keep doing you, lady! Go for it.

    • old man fatima says:

      I feel like a skirt would be too risky. What if she needs that extra support and/or coverage? We don’t want to see her muscular vagina accidentally making any appearances (or do we?)

    • Sota says:

      MAYBE IT’S A SCAM! She’s tying the string to the shorts!

    • summerestherson says:

      If you look through her Instagram there are a lot of dresses in there too. I just happened to pick shorts pics.

      • flanny says:

        Or did she retroactively put those up after I called her out?

        • hotspur says:

          Flanny, you are like the person in the audience yelling, “I know how it’s done! There’s an extra string!! You can almost see it!” So the magician suavely raises an eyebrow and says “Incorrect. Observe!” And he passes those silver hoop things along practically the whole body.

          Then some kid behind flanny snickers at her mistake and she sits with her arms crossed for the rest of the show.

        • flanny says:

          Please stop secretly watching me when I go to magic shows.

        • mordonez says:

          Put those up what?

  4. old man fatima says:

    Artist’s interpretation (so sorry but this is basically my last day of working from home and I need to draw muscular vaginas while I can get away with it!)

  5. old man fatima says:

    Also, lol forever at the picture with the bananas.

  6. Sota says:

    Why do people call themselves sex experts when the word sexpert just seems so much easier?

  7. I tried to find a gif of Tobias doing kegels but I couldn’t find it. So here’s this:

  8. hotspur says:

    If this is 5,000 years old, why would anyone pay $275, twice, to find out how to do it? Isn’t the instruction manual public domain? Ladies, before going with Kim, maybe check Project Gutenberg.

    • summerestherson says:

      “Siri, find info on Taoist jade egg vagina weightlifting.”

      • hotspur says:

        All the Siri results are Kim. You win this round, lady who poses in front of ruins and businesses before they are open with items hanging from your vagina in a way that is definitely not going to have any adverse health effects down the line.

        Oh gosh. I just realized. When the doctor says “push,” that baby is going to bazooka across the room.

        • old man fatima says:

          My mom was only in labour with me for 13 minutes and she told me that I was born so fast that the doctor had to use a catcher’s mitt and I believed her without questioning it until I was 18 and said it out loud for the first time and realized it was a joke the second the words left my mouth.

          Anyway, someone had better warn this lady’s doctor. He’d do well to bring a catcher’s mitt.

        • hotspur says:

          And that’s no joke.

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