Flanoscopes for Your Weekend

Wondering what’s in the stars for you this weekend? Wonder no more, because here I am with this weekend’s Flanoscopes. They’re like horoscopes, but instead of telling the future they tell you what NFL team you should put your money on for the big game this weekend.

Aries: March 21-April 19
The Seattle Superseahawks

Taurus: April 20-May 20
The Negland Patriyucks

Gemini: May 21-June 20
The Seattle Silas Marners

Cancer: June 21-July 22
The Cincinnati Bangles, as long as Susanna Hoff isn’t on the injured list

Leo: July 23-August 22
The Detroit Lions (because Leo is a lion)

Virgo: August 23-September 22
Sir Walter Raleigh

Libra: September 23-October 22
If there is a beagle in the Puppy Bowl, you should bet on the beagle

Scorpio: October 23-November 21
Da Bears.

Sagittarius: November 22-December 21
The Riverside Julie Cooper-Nichols

Capricorn: December 22-January 19
The Rochester Jeffersons, and that means you’re a time-traveler as well!

Aquarius: January 20-February 18
The Miami Ugly Mermaids

Pisces: February 19-March 20
The Cowboys.

*Flanny is not a psychic and does not necessarily believe in psychics or astrology, but she reads her own horoscope every day just in case.*

About flanny

Flanny was born and raised in a Detroit suburb, but tells people she's from Detroit without clarification because it makes her sound tough. She is not tough. Her favorite member of One Direction is Louis Tomlinson, and her favorite Agatha Christie detectives are Tommy and Tuppence.
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19 Responses to Flanoscopes for Your Weekend

  1. Sota says:

    Don’t mess with The Julie Cooper-Nichol-Coopers.

  2. catweazle says:

    Fun fact related to my Flanoscope: I read Silas Marner in college because and only because my dad said it was his least favorite book of all time and I am nothing if not a rebel.

  3. old man fatima says:

    I love Sir Walter Raleigh! This is eerily accurate, Flanny.

  4. Casey says:

    Since we’re talking footballs, I’m just going to go ahead and post the butt fumble here.

  5. Speaking of football and celebrities I’m in love with:

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