What DON’T You Recommend?

We talk a lot about books, TV shows, and other stuff that we like and want to recommend to people of similar tastes, but what about the stuff we don’t like? Have you bought/watched/read/etc. anything disappointing recently? Warn us all off!

This post is brought to you by this Yes To Coconuts body scrub, which is gloopy, non-scrubby garbage. Learn from my mistakes and do not buy it just because you’re in Target and it’s on sale.

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74 Responses to What DON’T You Recommend?

  1. Sota says:

    I bought the Yes to Cucumbers face wipe things, and I had to throw them away because they made my face burn! I guess we now know that we should not say YES to this line of products!

    • mikaelajm says:

      This is helpful to know. I am VERY susceptible to Target and CVS impulse-purchases of the cosmetic variety, particularly when there are sales.

      • flanny says:

        I’ve been using the Up & Up cucumber facewipes from Target and they’ve helped counteract some of the acne I get from my hard water. They do NOT counteract hormonal acne, though, gentlemen. 😉

  2. Boyhood.
    YEAH I SAID IT!

    • FRQ says:

      I didn’t think it was bad, but unlike some of the wack jobs I’ve seen on TV, it sure as shit did not deserve the Best Picture Oscar.

      • Yeah I wouldn’t say it’s as terrible as, say, Gravity, but it just wasn’t even close to Birdman and some other great movies. I maintain that if you didn’t know the 12-year production story, it’d be barely a blip in the list of movies this year.

        • Commentatrix says:

          But the 12-year production story is so integral to the directorial vision of the film, and I was rooting for a best director win just based on the fact that we’ll never have a movie like Boyhood again. I agree that it didn’t deserve best picture (I adore Birdman).

        • welcometocostcoiloveyou says:

          I love the real aging of the characters. The fact that it took 12 years to film the movie is very impressive. Unfortunately, I was expecting more. There is nothing wrong with a simple “coming of age” story, but I really didn’t feel a lot for the characters. I’m baffled that Patricia Arquette won so many awards. She wasn’t bad, but I thought her performance was nothing spectacular. A really great idea/concept, but the story fell flat for me.

          The director category was tough between Linklater and Iñárritu. The seemingly continuous shot of Birdman was maybe not as impressive an idea as a 12 year production, but it looked damn good and worked so well for the story.

    • mikaelajm says:

      On a related note, the Imitation Game.

  3. artdorkgirl says:

    Hertz Rental Cars. I was t-boned by someone driving a Hertz Rental and they not only refused to cooperate with my insurance company, I eventually had to get a lawyer. It was terrible and my back is still screwed up.

    Also, in less serious news, the Dove deoderant makes my skin break out, so be warned!

  4. Also, I HATE the podcast The Canon. It’s two people who pick a movie and debate whether it should be in “the canon” or not and fuck both of those assholes. All they do is trade smug, argumentative bullshit that you can tell they’re only saying to be contrary. They remind me of every single asshole in every film class I’ve ever taken and fuck them both.

  5. nastyemu says:

    After listening to a radio doc about William S. Burroughs last month, I decided to read some of his work. I stopped into a book store and picked up Naked Lunch, which was maybe not the one to start with. I’m not saying don’t read it, just prepare yourself a little better than I did.

    I will recommend the radio doc though, it’s narrated by Iggy Pop and available here: http://thirdcoastfestival.org/library/1598-burroughs-at-100

  6. FRQ says:

    The first things that come to mind are hemp milk, that R-rated Power Rangers fan film, apple cranberry butter, and Spirit Airlines,

    • facetaco says:

      What’s wrong with Spirit? They look like garbage, but cheap garbage, so at least you know you’re getting what you pay for.

      • FRQ says:

        Their endless parade of hidden fees and nickel and diming customers. Also there were a couple of instances where the flights had issues and their customer service did NOT handle it well.

        • facetaco says:

          I kind of assumed all that. It’s the same with Ryan Air in Europe; their CEO actually publicly blamed the customers for paying extra fees because they were too stupid to read the fine print. It’s basically a flying bus; I actually think they use those hard plastic bus seats in the planes.

          Then again, Ryan Air fares can go as low as 1 cent plus taxes, so their fares are a lot lower than what Spirit is offering.

        • FRQ says:

          Frontier is another low-cost carrier that has a number of hidden fees, but I’ve been satisfied with the quality of their service. That’s totally fine if you can tolerate them, but as this is a non-recommendation thread, I won’t endorse that fleet of turds.

        • flanny says:

          Frontier was so amazing for flights from Boston back to the Midwest. And then they left the airport I used and I was so sad.

        • gnidrah says:

          I effing HATE Ryanair. I have a no Ryanair policy after a bad experience a few years back – but my friends just talked me into it when we fly to Portugal next month. OH GOD.

    • I both like hemp milk and realize it totally tastes like dirt.

  7. flanny says:

    I don’t recommend printing anything on a copier besides a simple one-sided Word document. I have been feuding with our copier to make a mail merge document with two records per page but double-sided in am aim to created two double-sided half-sheet documents. I have been feuding for almost two weeks and still nothing. I am killing trees, people! Why is it so hard?

  8. facetaco says:

    This reminds me! I HAVE A NEW NEMESIS! Granted, I haven’t been as proactive in this fight, since I’m only tangentially involved, mostly as a favor to Mrs. Taco and also because I don’t have anybody else to fight right now, which makes me feel incomplete inside.

    So Mrs. Taco and her friend were at Lansing Mall with their children. They had been there for a while, and shortly before they were going to leave, the other lady’s baby started crying. Within a minute of when it started, a security guard came over and told them that they need to make the baby quiet or leave, as there were noise complaints.

    You guys, it’s a fucking mall. If you’re going to the mall and expecting some peace and quiet, you have seriously misjudged the situation. Even if there WAS a noise complaint, that is no cause for kicking someone out.

    I wrote to the mall about this, and received no response. The other lady posted a comment on the mall’s Facebook page, and the comment was deleted. GAME ON, Lansing Mall!

  9. Coconut Water. F that S.

  10. mikaelajm says:

    The Parks and Rec finale. Sorry, everyone…

  11. Simon Spidermonk says:

    Dead Snow 2: Red vs Dead. Nazi zombies versus Soviet zombies. I went to a late night showing around last Halloween and there were only two other people in the audience. Possibly the worst movie I’ve ever seen. Even Martin Starr was bad in it. It was trying to be “so bad it’s good” which, I hate it when movies do that. Have some ambition. Commit to your premise. It’s like “so bad at being ‘so bad it’s good’ that it’s just boring” has become a new genre. Movies that fail even at failing. Depressing.

    • Simon Spidermonk says:

      Although, to be fair, what was I even expecting from Nazi zombies versus Soviet zombies. This one’s partly on me.

      • hotspur says:

        I would expect greatness. But I hated Dead Snow 1 so much I skipped 2, so please allow me to pile on here.

  12. hotspur says:

    Can people stop shaking my hand at work? A handshake is nice in a lot of situations. But if you are just some dude who works across the building and you need to drop off a file, you don’t need to put out your hand and make us touch. Just drop the file in my inbox and go away! I already don’t want to do the work you are bringing, so don’t add more steps! Plus I will probably never see you again, so what relationship are we even establishing in your imagination? Let’s save the handshake for important ceremonies like meeting up before a duel or high-stakes foot race, and land deals.

    • flanny says:

      Dang, where do you work? Buckingham Palace?

    • taoreader says:

      I don’t know why, but this reminds me of going to mass with my husband’s family,* and everything is pretty much fine, then you have to stand up and shake hands and even HUG some people and say “Peace be with you.” I don’t wanna talk to strangers and touch them! I was just fine sitting there minding my own business.

      *I’m not Catholic and Mr. Tao is now very, very lapsed which is no doubt due to my terrible, evil influence

      • Ugh, that was always my least favorite part of mass (which is saying a lot) when my mother forced me to go as a child. Besides the fact that I’ve always been a RESPECT THE PERSONAL-SPACE BUBBLE, PEOPLE type of person, even more so when I was younger, it always felt so forced and disingenuous.

      • martinmegz says:

        My family an I all bring mini bottles of hand sanitizer to use after the kiss of peace (handshake of peace). Sorry not sorry.

    • Sota says:

      Especially during cold and flu season. Keep your hands to yourselves people!

    • welcometocostcoiloveyou says:

      The cashier at Target tried to shake my hand the other day. I was so confused. I appreciate friendly cashiers who clearly like chatting with every customer in line, but a handshake is not necessary.

      Having OCD makes handshakes very difficult. I just tell people now that I have OCD and I don’t want to shake hands. I guess I’ve gotten to the point where someone else’s feelings are not as important as whether or not I’m going to be internally panicking for the rest of the day. Surprisingly, most people understand and don’t seem too put off by it.

      Can we just bow and curtsy, like the good old days?

      • Simon Spidermonk says:

        Or everyone could carry around semaphore flags. I’m not even joking. That would be awesome.

        Well, it would be awesome to watch other people doing it. Whenever someone did their little flag routine at me, I’d just hold up a little sign reading, “I’m mute.” I’m not gonna carry flags in my pockets and rods stuffed down my pants legs all day. Come on.

  13. Commentatrix says:

    The first 2.5 episodes of Gotham, for sure, the rest of the episodes of Gotham, for maybe.

  14. taoreader says:

    Unrecommend the movie Grand Piano. You guys, it is SO stupid. Elijah Woods wears this expression on his face the entire time:

  15. mordonez says:

    Having two parts of a company, originally both separate companies, which are exptected to pass data back and forth, and having them that point fingers at each other and say “no YOU fix the client issue, it’s clearly youze guyzes problem”.

    • mordonez says:

      It’s best if the development teams of both products have recently been gutted by a re-org, and nobody who designed the interaction is still really around to figure out what’s supposed to happen. If you can have one product’s dev team located in California, and the other, made up of all new hires, now be in the Czech republic? I super don’t recommend that.

  16. old man fatima says:

    Now that I have a fireplace, I’m learning the sorrows of long-burning peat logs. Yeah, one log burns for 4 hours, but they don’t crackle or give off any heat or smell like burning wood! You might as well just have the yule log YouTube channel going.

    And if you are ever in Atlantic Canada, first look me up and come visit me, but second don’t ever ever ever under any circumstances eat any pizza or garlic fingers here. They have no concept of what those words mean. The pizza sauce is always sweet, it’s always undercooked, and there is never enough cheese. The garlic fingers aren’t garlicky enough and they come with a “honey garlic” dipping sauce that tastes like garlicky pineapple icing. It’s the most confusing thing I’ve ever experienced. I’ve tried so, so many pizza places out here and I’ve just given the hell up.

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