I Did Not Meet the Royal Baby

 photo royal-baby-011_3289559c_zpsu3h2xr51.jpgBABY!

I made a promise I couldn’t keep, guys, and I’m very sorry for that.Ā  Basically Kate Middleton went into labour on a Saturday and ain’t no way I’m going to work on a Saturday, not even for you beautiful lot.

So here’s a post on the Royal Baby from a real-life Brit, just happy and thankful to see a two-day old child who already has way more designer clothes than I ever will, delivered safe and well. (BUT HAS SHE BEEN THIRD ROW BACK AT A ONE DIRECTION CONCERT? I VERY MUCH DOUBT IT)

The first I knew something was up was when I heard a lot of helicopters circling overheard. It turned out to be another police raid just down the street, but it certainly made me sit up and realise this was to be a Saturday like no other.


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Wills brought Prince George, king of bilbies, to meet his new sibling. He tried a few steps on his own, then was like, CARRY ME FFS, I CAN’T BE EXPECTED TO WALK. But then the little one waved to the crowds and all was forgiven.

Next thing, all the Underground stations had changed their message boards to “It’s a girl!” As did the Telecom Tower:

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I didn’t take that, obviously, I can’t fly, but I did see it with my own eyes, so my citizen journalism gets one point (just the one, mind)

After a labour of not a lot more than two hours, the fourth in line to the throne was born at 8:34am, weighing in at 8lb and 3oz (or 3.7kg, if that’s how you like your babies measured)

So I went to lunch, thinking, OK, she’s had the baby, that’s lovely, she’ll probably leave on Monday and I can pop down with my camera, sharpened elbows at the ready.

How wrong I was.

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By half five in the evening, Wills and Kate were strapping the little lass into her car seat and bombing it back to Kensington Palace!

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Dress: Jenny Packham. Hair and make-up: loyal team of stylists. Sheer will power to get up and walk and face the press barely eight hours after having a baby: Kate’s own.

The little princess hasn’t got a name yet, but the bookmakers are hot on the likes of Charlotte, Alice and Olivia. I keep seeing tourists on the news (and I’m sorry guys, but it IS mostly Americans) getting a bit misty-eyed and saying “I hope they call her Diana, still queen of our hearts”. I don’t know. It might be nice to make it one of her middle names, but I’d feel desperate for the kid to have the weight of Princess Diana’s legacy on her shoulders.

Royal watchers are very excited to see that Kate carried Baby in her right arm, after carrying George in her left last time out. I have to say I didn’t actually notice her arm, I was just pretty amazed at how quickly the whole thing happened. Perhaps it’s because we have a general election coming up on Thursday and they were on notice to get finished as soon as possible. Perhaps their car was stopped on double yellow lines and they didn’t want to get a parking ticket. Perhaps they’re just quite down-to-earth people who don’t want that much fuss.

I’m sure a lot of people would like to say nasty things here, but that’s for another post. I don’t particularly mind the royal family, as they bring in a lot of revenue, and cost us 56p per person per year in taxes, which isn’t very much, in the grand scheme of things. Yes we do get a bit worked up about it all, but I just think it’s nice to have a bit of happy news today. Goodness knows we’ll get back to the bad stuff very, very soon.

PS. when I wrote this no name had yet been confirmed. Will amend as and when one is revealed!

About gnidrah

Television, books, music, sports, cooking. I only get paid for one of them. (Update: two of them!)
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33 Responses to I Did Not Meet the Royal Baby

  1. flanny says:

    I hope they name her Zayn.

  2. I’m so happy it’s a girl! And seriously, Kate RACED out of that hospital. I know that’s just fine and not unsafe if the mother feels up to it, but sheesh. My guess is that Kate was feeling okay and the baby fell asleep, so they figured they’d take advantage of an opportune time to skedaddle.

    • gnidrah says:

      I think in both cases it’s been great that she’s been out and about quite quickly. As you say, if you’re feeling OK, why not? Some people today have criticised her, like it will make new mums feel bad that they are not looking as made-up as she did, but I do like that she’s also going, you’re a mum, not a recluse. (I could be reading too much into this)

      • I agree! And I think it’s likely that she just wanted to be HOME already. I know I would, especially if I knew I’d have to (briefly, but still) face down a million photographers. Get that shizz over with so you can go home and put on pajamas.

      • summerestherson says:

        That’s so ridiculous because if she’d come out looking “terrible” (ie: like a normal person,) or skipped the photogs altogether she’d be criticized even more! I bet a lot of women, given the option, would totally love to get a blowout before they walk out of the hospital. One of the Fug Girls posited that as a great business idea for hairdressers!

  3. artdorkgirl says:

    That little boy is still the cutest kid ever! Those cheeks! AHHHH!

    Fashion wise, I like her choice much better this time around. The blue dress she wore last time didn’t do a thing for her, and the yellow makes her look a gazillion times better than I’m sure she actually feels. That poor woman.

    • gnidrah says:

      Bear in mind it was ruddy FREEZING here this weekend, compared to late July when George was born! I love them both, though I do have a soft spot for baby blue…
      Now I’m just imagining what I would do if I could have Jenny Packham make me anything I wanted…

  4. misterbeebop says:

    Why was it significant that she carried the baby in her right arm instead of her left? Is that a royalty thing? šŸ™‚

    • gnidrah says:

      No idea! I was genuinely baffled as to why one commentator thought that was worth mentioning. Pretty sure it has no significance at all, it’s just when they run out of things to say and start speculating as to which way is up šŸ˜‰

  5. We have a name! Princess Charlotte!

      • summerestherson says:


        • gnidrah says:

          Hang on, it wasn’t you they were interviewing outside Buckingham Palace was it?! I thought that lady looked familiar!

        • summerestherson says:

          Haha, NOOOOO. I’m against Diana as a first name! I had a whole conversation with someone over the weekend about how TERRIBLE of an idea that is for multiple reasons! But I like that she’s got both her grandmother AND great-grandmother’s names! For some reason that’s the part that made me teary.

      • gnidrah says:

        I was just about to post! My colleague Charlotte is going to be SO pleased. Also four letters of my own name are in there, so I am thrilled.

      • catweazle says:

        It was nice of them to pay tribute to me by giving her my middle name (Elizabeth, not Diana).

        • gnidrah says:

          My lazy-ass parents couldn’t even get as far as a middle name for me. When I was little I used to pretend it was ‘Vanessa’. do not ask me why I opted for Vanessa as my fake middle name.

        • Commentatrix says:

          My parents saddled me with a really weird name, which only became weirder once I came to States, so for a brief time during childhood I went by my middle name (Gabriela/Gabi) and my parents were super confused when friends would call for me. And at one point I found out that they were this close to naming me Veronica, and I almost cried. Can you even imagine the kind of life led by a Veronica?

        • hotspur says:

          You are like the Harry S. Truman of England! (The S didn’t stand for anything, he just wished he had a middle name.)

    • artdorkgirl says:

      But what if she’s more of a Carrie??? jkjkjkjkjkjk

  6. summerestherson says:

    I was SO MAD that this all happened while I was sleeping. So inconsiderate.

    I kid, I kid. Kate and the baby look great!!

    But have y’all heard about the Russian conspiracy theorists who think the whole thing was faked? They think Kate looked “too good.”

    My own mom thought that the baby looked like a doll, and multiple people at work today thought the same. A couple of the moms were like, “That baby has no weird squished features or red marks!! It’s too perfect!” So…Illuminati right?

    • gnidrah says:

      I read it this morning and laughed a little, then the guest on my show brought a lizard today, and we had a tweet saying “you’ve got the royal baby on the desk”, and that’s when I stopped laughing.

      I thought it looked just like them so if it was a surrogate then good job everyone. I just never fully understand why anyone would go to the trouble unless they really really needed to, but hey, if it makes Russia happy.

      • summerestherson says:


        Yeah, that baby is totally a Windsor! Through and through!

    • Sota says:

      Illuminati…Royal…same dif.

  7. Sota says:

    I can’t believe that she would be up for getting out of there, and also looking so fantastic. But I guess when you have a great hairstylist and a staff and nanny at home, it would be better to go home than being at the hospital.

    • gnidrah says:

      Also that hospital ain’t cheap, you lookin’ at Ā£5,000 just to have the baby, and then they’re adding a grand every night you stay. Don’t be wasting my taxpayer cash any more than you have to, (mi)lady!

  8. martinmegz says:

    Kate is so perfect and so are her beautiful babies.

    • gnidrah says:

      I try to be deep about it, but it really does come back to the hair for me, every time.

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