I made a promise I couldn’t keep, guys, and I’m very sorry for that. Basically Kate Middleton went into labour on a Saturday and ain’t no way I’m going to work on a Saturday, not even for you beautiful lot.
So here’s a post on the Royal Baby from a real-life Brit, just happy and thankful to see a two-day old child who already has way more designer clothes than I ever will, delivered safe and well. (BUT HAS SHE BEEN THIRD ROW BACK AT A ONE DIRECTION CONCERT? I VERY MUCH DOUBT IT)
The first I knew something was up was when I heard a lot of helicopters circling overheard. It turned out to be another police raid just down the street, but it certainly made me sit up and realise this was to be a Saturday like no other.
THEN THIS HAPPENED:
Wills brought Prince George, king of bilbies, to meet his new sibling. He tried a few steps on his own, then was like, CARRY ME FFS, I CAN’T BE EXPECTED TO WALK. But then the little one waved to the crowds and all was forgiven.
Next thing, all the Underground stations had changed their message boards to “It’s a girl!” As did the Telecom Tower:
After a labour of not a lot more than two hours, the fourth in line to the throne was born at 8:34am, weighing in at 8lb and 3oz (or 3.7kg, if that’s how you like your babies measured)
So I went to lunch, thinking, OK, she’s had the baby, that’s lovely, she’ll probably leave on Monday and I can pop down with my camera, sharpened elbows at the ready.
How wrong I was.
Dress: Jenny Packham. Hair and make-up: loyal team of stylists. Sheer will power to get up and walk and face the press barely eight hours after having a baby: Kate’s own.
The little princess hasn’t got a name yet, but the bookmakers are hot on the likes of Charlotte, Alice and Olivia. I keep seeing tourists on the news (and I’m sorry guys, but it IS mostly Americans) getting a bit misty-eyed and saying “I hope they call her Diana, still queen of our hearts”. I don’t know. It might be nice to make it one of her middle names, but I’d feel desperate for the kid to have the weight of Princess Diana’s legacy on her shoulders.
Royal watchers are very excited to see that Kate carried Baby in her right arm, after carrying George in her left last time out. I have to say I didn’t actually notice her arm, I was just pretty amazed at how quickly the whole thing happened. Perhaps it’s because we have a general election coming up on Thursday and they were on notice to get finished as soon as possible. Perhaps their car was stopped on double yellow lines and they didn’t want to get a parking ticket. Perhaps they’re just quite down-to-earth people who don’t want that much fuss.
I’m sure a lot of people would like to say nasty things here, but that’s for another post. I don’t particularly mind the royal family, as they bring in a lot of revenue, and cost us 56p per person per year in taxes, which isn’t very much, in the grand scheme of things. Yes we do get a bit worked up about it all, but I just think it’s nice to have a bit of happy news today. Goodness knows we’ll get back to the bad stuff very, very soon.
PS. when I wrote this no name had yet been confirmed. Will amend as and when one is revealed!