Doughnut Day Week Day One: Grocery Store Donut

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As I mentioned in the introductory post, my love of doughnuts has its source in sprinkled doughnuts from the grocery store, so I thought a good way to start off this series is with my Platonic ideal of a doughnut. When I think of doughnuts, grocery store sprinkled doughnuts are what I think of. Unfortunately, the family-run, Spartan-branded grocery story where my mother shopped is a thing of the past, replaced by some weird off-brand grocery store. My mom shops at Kroger now. Also she lives 80 miles from me.  So getting my childhood doughnut would be impossible. In the town where I now live, the only grocery game is Meijer. When I lived in Boston, I dreamed of Meijers! They are like a Walmart or a Super Target but better because I feel sentimental about them. Meijer is the place you (I) went in college when you (I) were (was) drunk to take pictures of yourself (myself) riding tricycles.  They always have a mechanical horse for the children to ride.  Did I drunkenly ride that horse?  I don’t remember, so it seems like a good bet.  Also, I once threw up there as a small child and my family still always brings it up.  “Clean up in aisle four.”  Hahaha, very funny, Flanny family!  I had the chicken pox!  Why’d you even take me shopping!?!

The Meijer I live near now is not the best Meijer. The bread aisle is so weirdly laid out in, like, a strange alleyway, and the frozen food is right by the underwear. I’ve been shopping there exclusively for almost a year, and I still have no idea where anything really is. Also, not impressed by the produce quality. But they always have cold Sam Adams and a good selection of cheap wine, and often their Camembert is buy one get one. You take the good you take the bad, I guess.

This Meijer has a small baked goods area, but it’s mostly prepackaged stuff that probably comes from an off-site bakery. I buy their four-pack of banana-nut muffins fairly often. And lots of times I’ll buy their big six-pack of assorted doughnuts (plain, cinnamon sugar, and powdered sugar) and freeze them individually to eat later. They actually keep really well in the freezer, and take only fifteen minutes or so of sitting on the counter to unfreeze. But I’d never bought a doughnut from the display case because there are a lot of sticky-fingered, snotty-nosed children around here and I don’t trust them not to touch these doughnuts. But I risked it! FOR YOU!!
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Who knows how many booger ghosts are on that doughnut? Because it was 4:45 on a Monday, the doughnut case was pretty picked-over, which I was expecting. But as you can see, they had both sprinkled cake doughnuts (my favorite) and sprinkled fried (“puffy” doughnuts I used to call them) doughnuts (no). Next to the sprinkled cake doughnuts are cake doughnuts with chocolate icing and a gummy worm sticking out of the center.  Just thought you’d be interested.

I was very happy to see that Meijer was also getting into the holiday spirit!
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And also happy to see that this single doughnut would only costs me 65 cents! And the day just got better when I got to the self check out and it rang up as only 50 cents! Go shorty, it’s your birthday! Gonna party like it’s your birthday! Gonna eat a doughnut like it’s your birthday! Only we don’t just eat doughnuts on your birthday!  They’re an everyday treat.

I drove home, careful not to crush the doughnut with the giant tub of mayonnaise I also bought, and decided to just eat the doughnut right then and there instead of waiting until after dinner. I hadn’t been expecting much. I’ve been burned by grocery store doughnuts before, and this one had probably been sitting out for over eight hours.

But it was delicious! The motto of Meijer when I was in college was “A Million Reasons, A Single Store” and this was “A Millions Sprinkles, A Single Doughnut.” The amount of sprinkles on the doughnut was just right, and all of them stuck to the icing, which went down just enough of the sides of the doughnut and was not too thick.  And look how the doughnut held up to biting!
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I think my only criticisms were that the sprinkles themselves could have been a bit firmer. As I said in the comments of the ice cream post, I like my sprinkles to have a bit of a snap to them, and while these ones weren’t soft and crumbly mush, they lacked the firmness I like. Also, generally speaking, I like vanilla or plain white icing on my sprinkled doughnuts, so that the chocolate flavor doesn’t distract from the sprinkle flavor. All in all, a very good doughnut.

Shady aftermath!

Tomorrow’s Doughnut (most likely): Louie’s Bakery in Marshall, MI

About flanny

Flanny was born and raised in a Detroit suburb, but tells people she's from Detroit without clarification because it makes her sound tough. She is not tough. Her favorite member of One Direction is Louis Tomlinson, and her favorite Agatha Christie detectives are Tommy and Tuppence.
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29 Responses to Doughnut Day Week Day One: Grocery Store Donut

  1. welcometocostcoiloveyou says:

    I just went to a Meijer for the first time. I described it to Mr. Costco as a step under Target, but a step above Walmart. I mostly went there to scope it out because they have a self checkout and I heard my usual grocery store is about to get rid of their self checkouts, and I just can’t deal with MORE people man handling my groceries. I love the self checkout. Even Home Depot has it – why not all the stores?

    In celebration of this holiday, I might just have to buy some Entenmann’s donuts.

    • gnidrah says:

      Oh man, I’m not sure if you can still get those here, but I remember enjoying them a lot when I was in America! (see also: my response to the ice cream post last week)

    • flanny says:

      Yes, Meijer are exactly between Walmart and Target, but where exactly between depends how how recently the store was redone.

  2. artdorkgirl says:

    Donuts: the only thing they can not do
    is magically appear when I need one or two

  3. catweazle says:

    Don’t feel bad about puking at Meijer, Flanny. I once shit my pants at K-Mart (as a child, thankfully) so it could be worse!

    • flanny says:

      I once had a small stranger child poop his pants while making eye contact with me. I hope that kid remembers that moment and is as embarrassed as the two of us are.

  4. You’re doing the lord’s work, flanny!!!

    Speaking of childhood donuts, and I may have told this story before, but when I was pregnant and hating all food, I got a craving and mr truck was so excited to try to get it for me and I was like, “I want a bear claw from the donut place we used to go to when I was a kid.” And his face deflated and we both laughed because pregnancy is ridiculous.

  5. Sota says:

    I did not eat a doughnut today, but someone at work left these store-bought cookies up by the coffee, so my sugar intake is already v high.

    Overall rating: So sugary that they make your teeth hurt on the first bite. Not very flavorful. Not enough sprinkles. I would rather have eaten something else, but this was there and it was free….so i guess: 3/10 stars.

  6. Sota says:

    Here is a list of places with free donuts…it seems shamefully short, but better than nothing i suppose:

  7. hotspur says:

    Dang. I feel like this post is what the whole Internet is FOR.

    When people ask for my Platonic ideal of the internet, I will link them here.

  8. martinmegz says:

    I love how many different beats Flanny covers: 1D (is that how you write it?), old lady news, rainbow sprinkles, and now donuts!

    I brought bagels in to work this morning but now I’m cranky because I got into a fight with a hipster/lumbersexual asshole at the bagel place. I was waiting to order where I always do, underneath the sign that says “ORDER HERE.” This guy behind me asked if I had ordered and I told him no, I haven’t yet. Then he proceeds to walk around me to the cash register where your’e supposed to PAY, and puts in his order. So I called him out for cutting in front of me after specifically asking if I’d ordered and he started yelling at me that he only helps people who are nice. You’re the line cutter, asshole! How am I the one who’s not nice?

    So in summary I should have just brought donuts.

    • hotspur says:

      I can balance you out! Last night I stopped in a coffee shop and the guy in front of me in line asked if I was just getting a coffee. When I said yes, he said “You should cut in front of me then, because I have a list of questions to ask before I make my order.” I was in and out of there in one minute! If he hadn’t been so nice, it could have taken who knows how long! Four minutes?? Six?!?

      THERE. Your story + my story = The Balance Is Restored!

    • I hate that guy so much. How was he supposed to be helping you, exactly??? By not cutting in front of you? What a douche.

    • Commentatrix says:

      What a formidable fucking asshole! I hate everything about this guy, but most of all I hate that he said he wouldn’t “help” you because you weren’t nice enough. What kind of fuckshit is that? Like he’d be doing you a favor by NOT cutting in front of you?? Gah!

  9. So is it weird that I was trying to zoom in on that picture to determine if that was a cake doughnut or not? Sprinkled cake doughnuts are so hard to find in my area! Everyone acts like I’m some sort of crazy person when I mention that I prefer cake donughnuts to fried.

    In other doughnut related news, I applied to go to a conference in Seattle in the fall and 90% of the reason I actually sat down and filled out the application was because of the promise of Top Pot doughnuts.

    • flanny says:

      When I visited my brother in San Diego this winter I basically demanded that he take me to get fancy doughnuts. We went at, like, 6:30 at night.

      But I agree about the cake vs. fried/raised doughnuts. That’s why I never really got super into Krispy Kreme (sorry Kate). I like the density of the cake, and your hands don’t get as sticky.

  10. Duke Spidermonk says:

    At first when you started talking about booger ghosts I was like, “Oh no! I never thought of that! Now grocery store display case doughnuts are ruined for me!” But then I noticed that the absence of doughnut tongs. Don’t you guys have doughnut tongs in the States? Canada: 1, US: 0. Actually, I think our health care system is still superior to yours too, so add another point for that. And let’s throw gun violence into the mix. So three points for Canada. And colourful money. And decorative u’s in some of our words. So, in descending order of importance: doughnut tongs, decorative u’s, health care, gun violence (lack of), colourful money.

    • flanny says:

      I believe I’ve discussed before on this or a related website that once I watched a conservative Saturday-morning Detroit-area talk show where the topic was “Canada: Friend or Foe?” The verdict was Foe, because you guys had a ballet and we were spending our hard-earned American dollars there!

      Also, we use those little wax paper sheets to get the doughnuts, because there’s nothing we love more than things that have just one purpose that can only be used once!

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