Look, I am an asshole. As such, I get nothing but pure, cold-hearted joy from things like the rapid downfall of noted douchebag Robin Thicke. After releasing one hit single, poor little Robin lost his wife, released a widely-reviled and rarely-purchased album as a last ditch attempt to win back said wife, and lost a lawsuit claiming his aforementioned hit single ripped off a song by an actual music legend.
This interview with the New York Times was probably meant to generate some pathos and show that Robin has learned and grown from his mistakes. Spoiler alert: it didn’t. Though the whole thing is worth a read, I have compiled the five best quotes and offered Thicke-to-English translations:
1. “Obviously, I didn’t give my all to the trial.“
“Hi I’m Robin Thicke and obviously the only reason I lost the trial was that I didn’t put all of my energy into making the judge and jury fall in love with me.”
2. The interviewer asks about other recent plagiarism lawsuits against popular musicians:
On Bruno Mars vs. The Gap Band: “Well, I can sing both of those songs at the same time. It’s the same notes, the same cadence — everything’s the exact same. That’s why I think that’s a very fair decision.”
On Sam Smith vs. Tom Petty: “Again, those songs are the same. The same notes, on the same timing, in the same rhythm. The two songs are exactly the same.“
On speculation that yet another of his own songs sounds eerily similar to another Marvin Gaye song: “Definitely not. Definitely not.“
“Hi I’m Robin Thicke and I think objectivity is overrated.”
3. After the interviewer expressed his opinion that one of Robin’s songs sounds a bit like the Gap Band: “I think you’re wrong. Vocally, I’m inspired by [the former Gap Band lead vocalist] Charlie Wilson’s riffs and some of his style, so when I’m attacking a song like that, some of his vocal energy gets into my soul.“
“Hi I’m Robin Thicke and I don’t do impressions of people, I channel their voices through transcendent possession.”
4. “There’s a thing that Marcel Proust referred to as supersaturation. When the past, present, and future all become very clear and high-definition and surround-sound in one moment.”
“Hi I’m Robin Thicke and I want you to know that I’ve heard of Proust.”
5. When asked about the infamous “What a pleasure it is to degrade a woman” quote: “I was in Ron Burgundy character, just telling a bad joke. I would never — that was just sarcasm.” [He then segues into talking about how his son is the most important thing in his life apropos of nothing basically]
If we all read more Proust we would be able to understand the subtle layers of his jokes and pop culture references, so that one’s on us.