People Are Angry About Amy Schumer’s GQ Photoshoot For The Wrong Reasons

As I’m sure you’re all aware, Amy Schumer appears on the cover of the latest GQ sucking on C3PO’s finger while wearing Princess Leia’s official sex slave bikini top. Inside the magazine there are more lurid pictures of Schumer getting frisky with our favorite characters (and props), and people are NOT pleased. They think this brazen hussy has desecrated their childhood memories with her disgusting toplessness and post-robocoital cigarette smoking. Disney quickly responded to the uproar by insisting that they had nothing to do with the photoshoot and would never have approved such filth.

I agree wholeheartedly that this photoshoot was a disgrace and I am very angry about it, but for completely different reasons. I mean, come on guys, these characters have already been desecrated by a little something called Episodes I-III so that ship has sailed. But there is another, far more important ship that continues sailing with the winds of righteousness at its back and that ship is called R2PO.

There is no romance more compelling than that between R2D2 and his protocol droid soulmate C3PO. The evidence is everywhere. Their love is true and enduring, having weathered war, separation and dismemberment. Their metal hearts beat only for one another, and the suggestion that they would ever share their bed with anyone else, be they man or woman, human or droid, is abhorrent to all who believe in true love.

Shame on you, GQ. Shame on you, Amy Schumer. Shame on you, America.

About catweazle

Catweazle is an 11th century wizard trying to make his way through the modern world while living in a disused water tower with his pet toad.
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5 Responses to People Are Angry About Amy Schumer’s GQ Photoshoot For The Wrong Reasons

  1. flanny says:

    Bless you, CW. This made me smile VERY big on a Monday.

  2. People are so lazy. “This has a thing I like in a different way than how I like it! How dare they!!!” Ugh, what a boring thing to complain about. I don’t like Celebrity Family Feud, but you don’t hear me complaining about it!
    CW, you’re a national treasure.

  3. Hey, sometimes you’ve gotta spice things up. Droids are basically immortal, right? I’m sure it’s a challenge to keep things exciting in the bedroom after so many years together.

  4. old man fatima says:

    Oh, nerds. They’re only upset because it was tongue in cheek. If she was doing a full-on sexy lady shoot with those things they’d be lining up for her autographs, but if there is one thing nerds know (other than everything), it’s when they’re being made fun of.

  5. Commentatrix says:

    My friend emailed me a link to this last week, saying, “this instantly reminded me of when Jenna tells Liz not to hold the chicken,” and hahahaha yes perfect.

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