Last night Canada elected a new Prime Minister. No matter how you feel about politics, his father (former PM Pierre Trudeau), taxation, or our broken electoral system, one thing is certain: Justin Trudeau is a god damned dreamboat.
After 10 years of Emperor Palpatine with Lego hair, I for one and happy to know that this is the face Canada has decided to put forward:
Nobody doubted that when Canada’s answer to JFK married a model, they would produce truly spectacular looking offspring. But this is honestly almost too much. Leave some good hair and bedroom eyes for the rest of us, Trudeau!
So let’s come together and put aside our political differences for a moment while we look at this man.
Let me tell you a story.
When I lived in Montreal, Justin Trudeau was my Member of Parliament. Everyone always asked me if I had seen him around, and I always answered that he probably spends most of his time in Ottawa and I’m sure he has very little time to schmooze with the Jon Q Taxpayers in Papineau (the neighbourhood in which I lived).
One lovely summer Sunday, I woke up around 11 and stumbled out to the sidewalk in front of my apartment in my pyjamas to drink a morning beer in the fresh air. I’d like to blame that on student life, but this is basically just how Montreal is. Anyway, as I stood there, wearing neon leggings with different length legs (can’t say no to a sale!) and an old Celine Dion concert shirt with a hole in the armpit, my hair half-fallen out of the bun I put it in when I go to bed, I heard someone approach and turned to see Justin Trudeau.
For months afterward, my ex would try to imitate the strangled hooting noises I made as I raced back inside the apartment. Was this really how I wanted to present myself to a man who looks like an actual Disney prince, and is also in charge of representing my interests in parliament?? No, it wasn’t.
I only saw him in person one other time, when he led the neighbourhood St Jean Baptiste Day parade. I didn’t interact with him then either, because I was also wearing pyjamas and drinking a sidewalk beer. Because it was Montreal.