In today’s ‘scopes, the stars provide you with the name of the vampire who turns you. (Turns you into a vampire. “Turns you” is vampire jargon for being turned into a vampire. Or so I hear. I’m not a vampire because I keep away from the following people.)
Aries: March 21-April 19
The Duke of Marlborough
Taurus: April 20-May 20
Gemini: May 21-June 20
Vlad the Impaler himself! Lucky!
Cancer: June 21-July 22
Leo: July 23-August 22
Virgo: August 23-September 22
Dark Master Kuervorst
Libra: September 23-October 22
Rasputin? Was he a vampire? Something was up with him, anyway.
Scorpio: October 23-November 21
Sagittarius: November 22-December 21
Kirsten Dunst’s character from the Anne Rice books. Yeah, those are factual and she is a real being.
Capricorn: December 22-January 19
Aquarius: January 20-February 18
Pope Sixtus II
Pisces: February 19-March 20
*Flanny is not a psychic and does not necessarily believe in psychics or astrology, but she reads her own horoscope every day just in case.*