How Was Your Weekend?

Happy 2016, everyone! My weekend was excellent, equal parts relaxing and being productive. I got a bunch of writing done, exercised, grocery shopped, watched my shows–all the things I usually imagine myself doing when I’ve got a long weekend coming up. Hopefully I can keep the good momentum going.

ALSO: Tomorrow I’ll put up the Secret Santa reveal post, so take pictures of your gifts if you want to share! You don’t have to post photos, of course–I still want to know what you got!–but I thought I’d give advance notice just in case.

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About Theresa Couchman

Theresa Couchman was born in Upstate New York, went to school in Upstate New York, and currently resides in Upstate New York. She has a pair of impractical Master's Degrees and a taste for the pointlessly weird, and is occasionally funny on Twitter.
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54 Responses to How Was Your Weekend?

  1. old man fatima says:

    On Saturday night I had a dream that my forehead was too big and when I woke up, still in a haze, I went to the bathroom and cut bangs. SUPER short ones, and my hair is very, very curly. My life has been a nightmare ever since. I look like a mom in the 90s. They’re too short to even bobby pin properly! I’m experimenting with pins and clips and headbands this week, but if I haven’t figured out a way to save my life by the weekend, I am just going to have to shave my head. Mr Fatima tried really hard to be supportive, but I would catch him staring at me really intensely and he’d go “What if we just pinned this part, and straightened this part, and maybe tried… nope, still awful.”

    Can you get front-only extensions??

  2. welcometocostcoiloveyou says:

    I also had a productive and relaxing weekend. Why can’t every weekend be a 5 day weekend?

    I got a number of projects done around the house that I have been putting off for months, did tons of laundry, and became 11% fluent in Spanish (according to Duolingo).

    We ate LOTS of takeout, watched a couple of good movies and also a couple of terrible movies.

    We spent a significant portion of one evening looking up old music videos that were basically trailers for movies. It’s a lost art.

    • welcometocostcoiloveyou says:

      One of the terrible movies we watched was Against All Odds. It wasn’t the worst, it was just very boring. I originally wanted to watch it because I was mixing it up with At Close Range, the movie featured in this Madonna video…

      I wanted to see At Close Range when I first saw the music video, but I was a child, and probably would not have been allowed to watch an R rated movie. Music videos that are movie trailers are powerful marketing tools. I may have forgotten the movie existed for over 20 years, but after watching the video, I still really want to watch it after all this time.

  3. collin0truckasaurus says:

    My weekend was pretty good except for not wanting to come back to work after being gone for 2 whole weeks! We caught up on The Leftovers (still have 3 or 4 more episodes) and this season got BONKERS you guys! I love it. Also I read a lot and we hung out at home a lot and watched a lot of football.

  4. nastyemu says:

    I saw Star Wars. I liked it! Hopefully now that Disney has made some of their billions back they take a few more risks with the next one.
    New Year’s Eve wasn’t technically the weekend but whatever. Femu and I rented a few movies (San Andreas and It Follows) and stayed in. San Andreas was fun and dumb. If you put The Rock and Alexandra Daddario in your movie, my wife and I are going to watch that movie. Probably not in the theater though, unless our air conditioner breaks or something.
    It Follows was pretty good, which is high praise since I don’t really like horror movies. We both had nightmares about it, so maybe don’t watch it at night.

    • hotspur says:

      That settles it: I am going to invent a method of breaking all the air conditioners in town (maybe an app?) and sell it to whichever movie studio bids the most hundred millions.

      • martinmegz says:

        We can use an EMP to knock out all the A/C but we’ll have to wrap the movie theaters in tinfoil so they don’t get zapped. This is a perfect plan, no need to question the details.

        • Sota says:

          Maybe Don Cheadle can blow the EMP for us. He did it on Ocean’s 11. I bet if we do it around a movie he is in he will join our plan.

  5. catweazle says:

    You guys will never believe the New Year’s Eve I had! Instead of staying home watching Star Wars and eating pizza rolls like I have done for like the last three years, I went out to a BAR and interacted with OTHER HUMANS. I had two shots of tequila before I even left my house and at least one (and maybe two?) more at the bar PLUS three beers PLUS a hugely unnecessary end-of-the-night gin and tonic so I was in fine form. It had been a long time since I had a substantial amount of tequila and I forgot that it makes me go crazy.

    So I randomly made friends with this woman from South Africa (you can tell I was drunk because I responded well to a random person coming up and talking to me) and I told her that I had my eye on a guy at a nearby table but he was there with a lady and I couldn’t tell if they were together or not because they didn’t look like they were having very much fun and I loudly declared that I wanted to split them up. So she went out to smoke and cornered one or both of them and found that they were exes and just hanging out. So toward the end of the night this other dude was drunkenly flirting with me but I was like “Excuse me for a second” and I just walked over the first guy, put my arm around him and said “I don’t suppose you want my phone number, do you?” and he definitely DID want my phone number and we texted and might go out this week. I SHOULD DRINK TEQUILA ALL THE TIME.

    Anyway I went back to talking to the second guy and he was super weird and talked about how he potentially wanted to hook up with me because I seemed cool but we would have to be friends first so I just walked away and went to sit with some friends. Later I realized I had left my coat on a chair at the bar and went to find it and it was gone and the bartender was super worried about it and I was like “No no no, it’s fine, totally my fault, whatever!” and then I tried to pay my own tab plus the tab of a friend who accidentally left without paying but then the friend came back and the bartender told me he wouldn’t take my money and then the guy who wanted to potentially be my fuckbuddy came stumbling back in wearing my coat so in conclusion I got really drunk, made a new friend (like for real, we hung out on Sunday, who knew it was so easy to make friends?), maybe got a date, and got all my drinks for free.

    tl;dr I had a pretty good NYE

    • old man fatima says:

      This is the best story!!!!

      • old man fatima says:

        Well, the best story was my mom telling me how she managed to throw my stepdad a surprise 70th party on the weekend. I was on the edge of my seat!! It was like a spy thriller. Plus it included the fact that my stepdad apparently keeps a list of all of his friends in alphabetical order typed beside his computer. “I know you mean an address book, but I am just going to imagine it’s only their names.” To which my mom replied “No, it really is just their names!! Just a typed list of the names of all of his friends, in alphabetical order!!” I love that so so much ❤

    • martinmegz says:

      Sounds like the best New Year’s ever. I predict that 2016 will be the Year of Catweazle. I did not expect that surprise twist about the weirdo wearing your coat. Please keep us updated on the date with non-weirdo.

    • Kate says:

      This is like a great sitcom episode. I want to see more of this show. I predict it’ll be a hit!

    • dangbattleship says:

      OUTSTANDING.

  6. martinmegz says:

    I spent the weekend watching Happy Endings while cleaning my apartment to start the new year with a better environment. I’m leaving for Australia a week from tomorrow so I’ve been doing lots of shopping and planning. I can’t believe I finally get to hug a koala and box a kangaroo*! As incredibly stupid as this is, I just recently learned that they have different stars down there. I guess I’d never thought about it because everyone is so focused on which way the toilet flushes.

    *Apparently they don’t actually let you do either of those things but maybe they’ll make an exception for me

    • Oh I never got back to you about my Melbourne tips!

      1) be forewarned that if you have the electronic visa thingy you will not get a stamp in your passport. I’m fairly certain the stamp doesn’t have a kangaroo on it so it’s not that terrible.
      2) also if you have the electronic visa thingy try to make yourself look as much like your passport picture as you can when you go through passport control. The machine cannot recognize you if you have glasses on and your hair up (because who wouldn’t take their contacts out during a 15hr flight) and you will have to go through the whole damn line again.
      3) are you doing any koala site seeing trips? I went to Kennet River twice and had 100% koala siting success rate.
      4) consider going to see the Penguins at Phillips Bay. I did not do this but I met a British couple that did and they could not shut up about how awesome it was. I was really sad I was leaving the next day and couldn’t fit it in.
      5) Just walk around Melbourne, it’s a super cool, super walkable city and I found a random free concert at night markets set up just by wandering around for an hour.
      6) TimTams. You can get them at any convenience store, buy extras to bring home, they are hard to stop eating.

      • martinmegz says:

        Thanks for the tips! I thought I had to get the stupid electronic visa, damn it. Why don’t countries realize how meaningful it is to get the stamp???

        I booked a trip to see the penguins and I have at least two wildlife park trips planned. TimTams look amazing, I will eat these for sure.

        • I thought I had to get one too…until a guy at my conference was talking about how he didn’t get one because he likes to get the stamps. We all like to get stamps dude! Then I asked if the stamp was cool or not and he was all “I just have too many stamps, I can’t find it.” Ugh, I had just renewed my passport and I was really looking forward to that damn Australian stamp so I wouldn’t have a blank passport anymore.

          Oh and the other random snack food that was surprisingly good were these gummy snakes, they were everywhere and were totally addicting. I’m pretty sure they were just called “Snakes.” I brought a bag home and my husband demolished them in one day.

          Are you going to get out onto the Great Ocean Road at all?

        • martinmegz says:

          It’s so annoying, obviously everyone wants a stamp! They could even charge like 5 bucks I bet. I don’t think I’ll get to the Great Ocean Road unless you have any hot tips on how to do that. I’ve got 11 days in Melbourne, 3 in Sydney, 3 in Auckland.

  7. hotspur says:

    Weird Haircut Dreamscape Coincidence: Friday night I had a dream that the barbershop across from the hotel I was staying in lured me in for a haircut because James Earl Jones was getting his hair trimmed in the seat nearest the window. “It must be a good place,” I thought. But I changed my mind and left after talking to the barber for a minute, because it turned out Jones was an old friend of his. That made me suspect Jones went in based on friendship, not remotely on barbering skill.

    Real Life: I was in a hotel on Saturday night and had to get up at 3:45 AM to catch an aeroplane, so I went to sleep early (12:30 AM, ugh). But then the unforeseen happened, in that the hotel caught fire at 1:30 and an alarm went off. The hallway smelled like fireworks.

    So I got dressed and grabbed my suitcase (already packed!) and went downstairs to find that 1) I was the only person who evacuated with a suitcase, 2) Some people gave me side-eye like I had risked their lives by being prepared for checkout, 3) At least one family of four and a couple other groups had not put on or carried shoes or jackets, even though it was 28 degrees out, 4) I was maybe the fourth person outside, even though I got fully dressed and “lugged” a suitcase, and 5) Only ~60 people were staying in the whole 8-story Hilton.

    Now I have a sore throat, which I attribute to lack of sleep, which I attribute to fireworks in the Hilton. Thanks, Obama.

    • old man fatima says:

      “My name is Hotspur and I stay at the Hilton.”

    • nastyemu says:

      James Earl Jones was also in my It Follows nightmare, but he was in character as Thulsa Doom!

      • hotspur says:

        I forget the details, but iirc, on Christmas Day, one of my nieces (ages 7-9) asked if I ever had any dreams with famous people, and I was able to answer very excitedly, “Yes! Just last night I dreamed I was friends with Eric Roberts! We went for coffee.”

    • old man fatima says:

      “My name is Hotspur and when I stay at the Hilton, I have the whole place to myself.”

      • hotspur says:

        “Is the third floor available? Mister hotspur would like that one. Excellent. Now I’ll need your bank number to wire payment.” –my assistant

  8. FRQ says:

    I had a pretty good New Year’s weekend, which included my friend’s fun NYE party, hosting friends from out of town, and various forms of fake golf. However, it all ended on a shitty note, as my acid reflux came ROARING back last night after dinner. I really don’t to go through another month of medication and the world’s most boring diet, so I am going to see another doctor and see if she has any insight on what else I can do for this shit.

    Also, I found out that there is a real human being whose name is Sundance DiGiovanni

  9. flanny says:

    NOT GREAT, BOB!

    My cat is sick, which I can’t believe is making me as sad as it is. I’m taking her to the vet right now for the first time in a week. And it’s my birthday tomorrow, so I’ll probably be spending it with the world’s saddest cat unless they can make her feel better. Sad trumpet noise. So far you suck pretty hard, 2016.

  10. mordonez says:

    My weekend was not bad, although I did have a tooth out on the morning of New Year’s eve–it was something I should have done ages ago, and it had really started to bug me, but I’m not sure I did myself any good in terms of the short term enjoyment of NYE.

    That said, it was a nice night, even if I did turn deathly pale at dinner (some sort of antibiotic or painkiller reaction). That passed without incident, and we then happily went off to see John Oliver do stand up, which was great (thanks mrsdonez!!). He celebrated the countdown with his first ever taste of Malort, right from the bottle. Yikes. Then we went home and went to bed, because of oldness, but at least we didn’t get home until 1, right?

    We watched a lot of football yesterday, and mrsdonez won her fantasy football championship against the baby with one eyebrow/her nemesis. Then I took my dad to an astonishingly well attended concert/memorial service for a beloved Chicago jazz drummer who had just passed away.

  11. artdorkgirl says:

    My NYE was pretty good, as was my weekend. We saw Hateful Eight with Manners and then went out and spent far too much money, but had a great meal!

    Then on Saturday, Manners came over and we got caught up on Doctor Who (oh, River!) and watched Sherlock. We decided that wasn’t enough togetherness so then we went to see Carol. It’s pretty, but I don’t know how to feel about it.

    Then yesterday, AS I WAS GOING TO THE LIBRARY, thank you very much, I stepped off the porch weird and screwed up my ankle. AGAIN. This is not going to be my year.

    • martinmegz says:

      I thought you meant you went to see Flanny and couldn’t figure out why you called her an it.

    • old man fatima says:

      Did you like Hateful 8? It was probably the slowest Tarantino I’ve ever seen, but it was p good. A little on the “torture porn” side of things for me, but when you go to see a Tarantino you sort of know what you’re getting yourself into. I’m always glad to see Kurt Russell bust out his John Wayne impression (see also: Big Trouble in Little China).

      • artdorkgirl says:

        I really, really liked it. But I am a Tarantino fangrirl, so I will forgive its slowness (and dinguses) and say that I was amazed and floored. I’ve seen it twice!!

        • old man fatima says:

          I liked it a lot! I just would have liked it a lot more if he had reigned it in a touch, but then I guess it wouldn’t be a proper Tarantino film, would it?

  12. Kate says:

    I had a Debbie Downer NYE. kidney stone. WA-Wa-wa

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