Guys, I love my birthday. You know how on Bridezillas the bridezilla would yell “IT’S MY DAY!!!!” at her lame-ass bridesmaids when they arrived three minutes late to their hair appointment? Like their wedding day is the most special day on the planet and they need to be the center of attention on that particular day. I feel that about my birthday except birthdays are better because they come every year and you don’t have to share them with some lame-ass husband. (Gentlemen, I’m single!)
However, this birthday, the first one officially in my mid-thirties, is not going to be my favorite. I took my cat to the vet yesterday, and she’s very sick. Basically all the vet could say was, “I’m sorry.” So so far my birthday has been spent crying, nibbling sadly on a sprinkled donut, and checking to make sure my cat is still breathing. So please, for the love of Anne Twist (Harry Styles’ mom, literal angel on earth), please distract me from my sorrows with some non-cat-related birthday cheer!