Homeless Monsters Tournament of Hotties

Welcome, all ye who have opinions on the relative attractiveness of various men, to the first annual (?) Homeless Monsters Tournament of Hotties! After exhaustive research into my own brain, my knowledge of the proclivities of certain of our commenters, and, when I became desperate, random people’s IMDB lists of hot actors, I have emerged with 64 men whom I will pit against each other for the title of World’s Hottest Hottie.

As is, I believe, traditional, I have separated the contestants into four divisions: Comics and Sci-Fi Babes, British Hunks, Other Non-North American Foxes, and Miscellaneous Studs.

You can view the full-size bracket here.

Fill out your bracket if you want to predict the results, and we’ll score ourselves on the honor system. But of course the main attraction in this tournament is the voting! I’ll be setting up polls over the coming weeks to whittle this bevy of beaus down slowly but surely until we determine the undisputed Mayor of Hunkville. If your favorite babe was not included in the bracket, I sincerely apologize, but also YOU CAN DEAL!


About catweazle

Catweazle is an 11th century wizard trying to make his way through the modern world while living in a disused water tower with his pet toad.
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20 Responses to Homeless Monsters Tournament of Hotties

  1. collin0truckasaurus says:

    Jon Hamm is a 6 seed??? Now you’re just setting up a classic Cinderella story.

    Also this is amazing and thank you so much for doing this!

    • catweazle says:

      I had him as a 1 seed originally but then I decided to seed based on the current temperature here and maybe, just maybe, I sort of arbitrarily placed him because I have no clue if people are still into him or not.

      • catweazle says:

        There is not really a LOT of internal logic to the seeding. I went with my gut and sometimes my heart (which is why Michael Shannon is a) in this thing at all, and b) not a 16 seed).

      • collin0truckasaurus says:

        The bracket is perfect exactly as it is. You really nailed it, I was just trying to provide the obligatory/unnecessary fan outrage. I can’t wait to see who wins!

    • mikaelajm says:

      That round 1 Jon Hamm/Channing Tatum matchup is brutal! (Full disclosure: I had no interest in Channing Tatum until I saw him dance in Hail Caesar! and then watched his dancing scenes in Magic Mike)

  2. hotspur says:

    This is incredibly sexist and I don’t understand why I am not listed.

  3. martinmegz says:

    Wow I have a lot of (hopefully NSFW) Googling to do. In my head (and on my LinkedIn page) I’ve been appointed an official judge in the Tournament of Hotties, which is to say that I will be participating in these polls and taking my responsibilities quite seriously.

  4. mikaelajm says:

    I really love this. Thank you, catweazle.

  5. artdorkgirl says:

    You’re the best, Catweazle. I don’t care what Hotspur says!!

  6. THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER. Also, I have no idea how these brackets work. Do I just vote when you post the polls? Or pick who I think will win ahead of time? Someone teach me the ways of March Madness-ing, Hotties Style.

    • catweazle says:

      The winners of the matches will be determined by the polls. You can fill out the bracket the way you predict people will vote and then follow along to see how accurate you were but that’s secondary to the grandscale Hot or Not game we’re playing together!

  7. gnidrah says:

    Shout-out to the 1D member of your choice.

  8. I am so bust at work but I cannot wait to fill this out later today!

Comments are closed.