Homeless Monsters Tournament of Hotties: British Hunks Part 1

Welcome to the second set of matches in the Tournament of Hotties! We have four very interesting pairs for you today, drawing from the first half of the British Hunks bracket.

Idris Elba (1) vs. Tom Mison (16)

If you look up “sexy” in the dictionary you’ll find a description of somebody like our friend Idris. Sometimes when I gaze upon his visage I can almost see squiggly heat lines coming off of my computer screen.

Tom Mison is also quite the treat for the eyes. There were very few reasons to watch season 2 of Sleepy Hollow and he was chief among them (season 3 isn’t half bad so far though, so you should consider watching!). He’s pretty, basically.


Jude Law (8) vs. Chiwetel Ejiofor (9)

Listen, I have been known to describe Mr. Law as a “greasy dinosaur” but if I’m perfectly honest I wouldn’t vomit at the prospect of meeting him in person. He’s a dish, just not one I would order. But I know many of you feel differently so here, look at his face!

This gentleman, on the other hand, is my fave (as has been well documented across the internet). If I were to sum up his hotness, I would have to quote the pageant theme song from Miss Congeniality: he’s beauty and he’s grace.


John Boyega (5) vs. Russell Tovey (12)

John Boyega is a problem for me because he is basically a child but… he is also hot and charming. So looking at him makes me want to put myself in jail. LEAVE ME ALONE, JOHN! I JUST WANT TO LIVE!

Russell Tovey on the other hand is a grown man and I feel no qualms about ogling his adorable face and “hot bod.”


One Direction Member of Your Choice (4) vs. Colin Firth (13)

This is a matchup for the ages. Literally! First we have five youths some of whom I believe are only recently able to drink legally in our United States. But I have been reliably informed that a number of our readers would enjoy spending a romantic evening with one or all of them. So picture your fave and decide if they’re hotter than the challenger!

Conversely, Mr. Firth is a bit long in the tooth to be considered a sexually viable prospect. But so long as we can picture his younger self emerging from a lake with a thin white shirt clinging to his youthful torso, the thirst will live.


Voting will close on Wednesday at 11PM ET!


About catweazle

Catweazle is an 11th century wizard trying to make his way through the modern world while living in a disused water tower with his pet toad.
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27 Responses to Homeless Monsters Tournament of Hotties: British Hunks Part 1

  1. flanny says:

    I feel personally attacked by every gif in this post.

    This was also the most difficult section of the bracket for me to fill out because at one point I had to chose between following my heart/loins and trying to win the whole competition. So I kicked Jude out during the second round, thinking he could never come out on top with the Monsters. But then five minutes later I (spoiler) picked 1D to win it all ?!?!?! Flanny, you make no sense!!

  2. FRQ says:

    Did I completely forget to post the 2nd half of the Sci-Fi bracket?

  3. artdorkgirl says:

    Tom Mison v. Idris Elba was really a crisis of…something…for me.

  4. I am very excited for this!

    • Also at C2E2 this weekend there were about a million Kylo Rens, only one Poe, and no Finns. Nerdy white boys really love Kylo and I really wanted to explain to all of them that in order to get the girl you gotta be Poe or Finn.

      But there was a dad Kylo and his daughter was Rey and it was adorable. The number of tiny Rey’s on Sunday warmed my heart.

      • catweazle says:

        Sadly I think Kylos would get ladies too? I don’t get it but if the internet is to be believed then Kylo is “hot” :\

        • flanny says:

          All you need to do is look at the Tournament of Hotties Bracket and see that Kylo isn’t on it but Finn and Poe are! It’s Official, internet! Kylo is not hot!

        • I can see where people are attracted to Adam Driver (I am not), but Kylo is a whiny obnoxious twit. He’s a fun bad guy, but I hate that dudes are so excited to emulate him and think he’s “deep.”

        • FRQ says:

          I am guessing most men are too intimidated by Oscar Isaac’s handsomeness and choose instead to hide behind a mask.

      • Erika says:

        Poe’s a tough one because, at a minimum, you need a luscious head of hair. Finn requires being black. I’ve seen (innocently ignorant but still not okay) blackface at comicons, and everyone really needs to band together and put a stop to it.

        • flanny says:

          I don’t go to cons (because there is no con for boybands), so what are the guidelines for costumes? Is it not worth it if someone can’t identify you right off the bat? I feel like if you just put on Poe’s orange flying outfit (I’m really talking the talk) and maybe popped a BB8 under his arm, I’d know who the person was trying to be. And would it be okay for a white person to dress like Finn in his clothes, but not do the blackface? (Serious questions that I can’t figure out how to write without it sounding jerky.)

        • Yeah, I think Finn is probably way too hard to pull off and be really recognizable. his costume is really just the jacket and black pants, it could almost look like a lot of other people.

        • Flanny, in reply to you: I’m pretty sure it’s fine to dress as a character of color without the blackface, but I know there are debates about it. I think the problem with Finn is his costume isn’t so distinct as to stand out, like Poe and Kylo’s do. The problem with Poe’s is that he dresses like an x-wing pilot, so you end up just looking like a generic pilot (though carrying bb8 helps). For most things, I think people choose characters you can identify quickly, but I will say that last year I was Mal from Firefly in a very half-assed costume and quite a few people got it right away.

        • flanny says:

          Very interesting, NABI. It would be kind of like dressing up as Bruce Wayne instead of Batman. Never thought about it like that.

        • Erika says:

          I’d say most successful costumes are pretty immediately recognizable. And there are plenty of costumes where I don’t know what it is (this is most common for comic book characters and anything involving anime).

          There are black cosplayers who will cosplay as white characters, so I don’t see a reason why the reverse can’t happen, except for the aforementioned blackface of course. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a black cosplayer wear whiteface. They just dress as the character and don’t address the character’s race.

          Last comicon I went to, there was a white woman dressed as Guinan in blackface, and it was very weird. Guinan’s clothes are recognizable to anyone who’s familiar with Star Trek. Basically all you need is the hat.

        • Erika says:

          Finn would probably work better as a group costume. A woman dressed as Rey with a guy dressed as Finn, or a Poe with a Finn, or all three together.

  5. catweazle says:

    I did NOT expect John Boyega vs. Russell Tovey to be such a nail-biter!

  6. I now feel like I need to go to jail for voting for John Boyega. And he’s actually older than I thought he was! But still very very young. John, I think you’re a cutie in only the most respectful, non-creepy way, I swear.

  7. Erika says:

    Aidan Turner’s the hotter of the Being Human hotties. Sorry, not sorry.

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