Homeless Monsters Tournament of Hotties: Miscellaneous Studs Part 1

I need you all to know that it was not easy to get an equal number of men in each of the themed categories of this tournament. In an ideal world, the sixteen dudes in this division would have something in common (other than being hot) for which I could name their group, but it just didn’t turn out that way. And so I give you the first half of the Miscellaneous Studs division for your viewing (and voting) pleasure!

Jake Johnson (1) vs. Chris Messina (16)

Here we have a matchup between two popular sitcom male leads. Any Homeless Monsters outsiders stumbling upon this noble tournament may be confused by Jake Johnson’s #1 seed. Hello, strangers! We on this blog have collectively developed a massive crush on Nick Miller of late, and you should join us! Just look at him!

Chris Messina is another handsome dude who makes jokes and dances on a network sitcom! Back when I was still watching The Mindy Project it was his and Mindy’s relationship that kept me coming back (until it didn’t; sorry Mindy). But anyway, look at this handsome mug!


Jesse Williams (8) vs. Matthew Bomer (9)

It is one of the greatest injustices in cinematic history that (SPOILER ALERT) Alexis Bledel chose her boring Greek ex over Jesse Williams in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 (for more of my thoughts on that movie, see this). Jesse is a beautiful, beautiful man with beautiful, beautiful abs.

Speaking of men who look good shirtless, here’s Matthew Bomer! Matthew looks like he emerged from a Handsome Guy factory to the point that I sometimes wonder, is he human?


Sam Rockwell (5) vs. The Rock (12)

This is a Rock Battle I never thought I’d live to witness! First up we have Sam Rockwell, whose slightly unhinged charisma, unbeatable dance skills and handsome face all combine to make an extremely attractive man.

Then we have The Rock, who is… well… The Rock! My love for The Rock began when I saw Southland Tales which made me laugh out loud more than almost any other movie I’ve ever seen, and he has never disappointed me since. While his gargantuan physique is not really my cup of soup, I appreciate the hotness of his soul.


Nyle DiMarco (4) vs. Tyler Hoechlin (13)

Nyle DiMarco is the champion of the last ever season of America’s Next Top Model (well, I mean, apparently they are bringing it back on VH1 but without Tyra so does it really count?), which is like being declared Professionally Sexy.

I had not heard of Tyler Hoechlin until somebody here nominated him for this tournament, but cursory searching seems to suggest he is a teenage werewolf on television. Whoever he is, he definitely falls under the category “good-looking”!


Voting will close on Friday at 11PM ET. And you can view the full bracket here!


About catweazle

Catweazle is an 11th century wizard trying to make his way through the modern world while living in a disused water tower with his pet toad.
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21 Responses to Homeless Monsters Tournament of Hotties: Miscellaneous Studs Part 1

  1. Sota says:

    The Jake Johnson-Chris Messina match up is a tough one for me. I have to figure out how I am voting…like am I voting on just physical hotness, because I think I would lean towards Messina. OR! Am I voting on character who I would like to date in real life…because that would be Johnson for sure. SO HARD TO DECIDE. Both so hot.

  2. FRQ says:

    I wouldn’t be able to vote on that 5/12 matchup strictly out of principle.

  3. flanny says:

    So much shirtlessness in this post.

    (I voted for Jake.)

  4. martinmegz says:

    This is the best part of my day. I finally understand March Madness.

  5. artdorkgirl says:


    Also, tbh, I don’t even know who the last two are. So I went with underwear dude.

  6. catweazle says:

    I am sincerely appalled that The Rock is currently beating Sam Rockwell (sorry The Rock but it’s SAM ROCKWELL)!

  7. Sota says:

    I just realized that Zefron isn’t in the bracket at all! Flaniel! How did we let this travesty occur!?!??!

  8. Nyle vs. Tyler Hoechlin was a roughhhhhh choice.

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