Homeless Monsters Tournament of Hotties: Miscellaneous Studs Round Two

Here we are at the final division of Round Two! It’s been a roller coaster so far, and I can’t wait to see how you all vote on the second round of the Miscellaneous Studs!

Jake Johnson (1) vs. Jesse Williams (8)

It’s impossible to explain the appeal of Jake Johnson to those who don’t feel it immediately, but I’m going to try anyway. Imagine if you took the face of Oscar Isaac but made it slightly more attainable. And put it on top of a body that’s not afraid to look like an idiot while dancing. And then you cast it on a show where it plays a lazy, incompetent grouch with a strange but undeniable sex appeal. If you’re not turned on right now, we have nothing to talk about.

If you do not find Jesse Williams attractive you don’t have a pulse. I don’t care if you’re not attracted to men, you have eyes. It doesn’t hurt that he seems to be a legitimately awesome person. Damn you, Williams!


The Rock (12) vs. Tyler Hoechlin (13)

I’m still not over The Rock beating Sam Rockwell, but ok, I’ll humor you nutjobs. I once had a dream that Martha Stewart fired me for allowing him to lift me up in a parking lot! He has big muscles! He seems like an overgrown teddy bear! He could probably give you some great lifting tips and protein shake recipes. And if that floats you genitals, then more power to you!

Tyler Hoechlin is a human male I had never heard of prior to this tournament but perusal of his photo galleries leads me to believe that he is sexy. I’d probably want to get a drink with him to decide for sure whether I want to kick him out of bed or not, but most people don’t even make it that far with me so that’s saying something!


Channing Tatum (11) vs. Michael Shannon (14)

Channing Tatum was dubbed equally as hot as Jon Hamm in round one and made it to this party by the grace of one of my Twitter followers. Can he make it another round on the strength of his polished physique and sexy dancing stripping skills?

I think this is a really great matchup because these two men are such polar opposites, visually speaking. Channing is all about abs and cute puppy-ness, whereas Michael Shannon is all stony-faced sternness and odd magnetism. It’s no secret that if I was in a room with the both of them I would climb up on Michael and leave Channing to cry in the corner, but do the rest of you agree with my solid opinions and not at all questionable taste?


Adam Scott (7) vs. Joe Manganiello (2)

If you like adorable, snarky and wee men with lovely hair, you’re probably going to vote for Adam Scott.

If you like men who can be cast as sexy werewolves and male strippers on looks alone, you’re probably going to vote for Joe Manganiello.


Voting will close on Thursday at 11PM ET!

About catweazle

Catweazle is an 11th century wizard trying to make his way through the modern world while living in a disused water tower with his pet toad.
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11 Responses to Homeless Monsters Tournament of Hotties: Miscellaneous Studs Round Two

  1. artdorkgirl says:

    This round was much more straightforward. However, I still don’t know who Tyler Hoechlin is or how to pronounce his last name. “Ho-chleen”? “Heh-chilln?”

    • Heck-lin. He is one of the Teen Wolfs, which is nice because it means he was often shirtless and very gruff because he had too many wolfy feelings. He is also in the new Linklater movie Everybody Wants Some!! that just came out.

  2. collin0truckasaurus says:

    Adam Scott v Joe Manganiello is tough because they are both attractive and seem to be really cool guys. Joe Manganiello’s part in the new Pee Wee movie is really taking his personality far in this competition for me.

  3. mikaelajm says:

    I think it says something really special (and maybe insane) about HM that Jon Hamm got knocked out in the first round.

  4. Gobblegirl says:

    I am not at all attraccted to Michael Shannon but I find Channing Tatum repulsive so I guess I’m #teamShannon for life now

    • old man fatima says:

      I wouldn’t say repulsive exactly, but he is always spray tanned and in lip gloss and I can’t bring myself to get hot and bothered by that in my old age.

  5. Martinmegs says:

    I live for this tournament please don’t ever end it

  6. catweazle says:

    These polls are taking a turn today! I would like to officially say that I have not solicited Michael Shannon votes, so his current lead is 100% legit (and delightful)!

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