Homeless Monsters Tournament of Hotties: Exquisite Eight Part Four

It brings a tear to my eye to tell you that we’ve reached the final matchup of the Exquisite Eight. It’s hard to say goodbye to so many beautiful men, but it’s important work and someone has to do it. Luckily I don’t think this round will be a tough choice for most of you!


Jake Johnson (1) vs. Michael Shannon (14)

We all know why Jake is here. Or if you don’t, you apparently don’t watch New Girl which is a terrible decision and you should rethink your life. Will you cast a vote for our collective boyfriend?

Or will you keep the crazy train a-rollin’ and vote for Michael Shannon? You all know I love him and I put him in this tournament as a treat to myself, not expecting he’d make it past the first round. I don’t claim to understand what has brought him here. I merely accept that the internet works in mysterious ways.


Voting will close on Friday at 11PM ET!

About catweazle

Catweazle is an 11th century wizard trying to make his way through the modern world while living in a disused water tower with his pet toad.
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20 Responses to Homeless Monsters Tournament of Hotties: Exquisite Eight Part Four

  1. mikaelajm says:

    The world’s most confusing Cinderella story is happening right here in the HM Tournament of Hotties, and the media hasn’t made a peep!

  2. Sota says:

    I know it is early in the vote, but so far Jake has a commanding lead!

  3. collin0truckasaurus says:


  4. summerestherson says:

    I will flip a table over in the style of the late, lamented Alan Rickman if Michael Shannon wins this whole thing.

  5. collin0truckasaurus says:

    John Legend didn’t make the tournament but I’d like to nominate him as a honorary Tournament of Hotties NIT winner for two reasons – he’s married to probable Female Tournament of Hotties semifinalist and general awesome person Chrissy Teigen and he recently defended her (and himself) when the internet decided to be a bunch of assholes because they had a date night a week after their daughter was born.

    Related, are we doing a female tournament of hotties? I’d like to nominate the following people: Anna Kendrick, Chrissy Teigen, Jennifer Lawrence, Amy Schumer, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Mindy Kaling, & Lupita Nyong’o. Some others I’ll think of later.

    • mikaelajm says:

      Oooh, my nominees would be Mila Kunis, Laverne Cox, Samira Wiley, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and some others I’ll think of later!

    • flanny says:

      I want to nominate Lily Tomlin.

    • catweazle says:

      I would put it to a Monster who is attracted to women to orchestrate a female tournament of hotties as I don’t feel fully qualified, but I would sure as hell participate! Off the top of my head I’d nominate Rooney Mara, Kristen Stewart, Lucy Liu, Natalie Dormer and Gillian Jacobs.

  6. Martinmegs says:

    The fix is in.

    • martinmegs says:

      I’m not judging the Michael Shannon people I just think you should stand in the light. Show us some gifs at least!

  7. nastyemu says:

    Whoa, shenanigans on both sides. Throw them both out and have a three man final.

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