Homeless Monsters Tournament of Hotties: Exquisite Eight Results

Hey y’all, guess what? I have a three day weekend which means I am DRUUUUNK. So I’m going to get real with you all. We’ve reached the final four and I am sort of profoundly disappointed to tell you that we have three #1 seeds vs. a #2 seed. WHITHER THE CINDERELLAS?!??!?!?!? Alfonso Herrera should be here. Godfrey Gao should be here. Somebody surprising should be here. But ultimately you all decided to be predictable and conformed to my half-assed seeding. ARE YOU HAPPY??? It’s not that these four bros aren’t hot. Because they are. But there were so many other hotties who could have been here. Think about what you’ve done while we prepare to crown a king among men.


In the Comics and Sci-Fi Babes division, none could triumph over Oscar Isaac. This was the correct decision and I’m not going to give you any shit about it.


I also can’t really argue with Idris Elba even though there’s at least one man in this division that I personally feel deserves the title more (*cough*Chiwetel*cough*). But again, not necessarily incorrect. Decent voting job, guys.


I have been a Ewan McGregor fan since I was a pimply-faced teen. I am now a slightly pimply-faced adult and would still hit it if put in the right circumstances but girl really? He ain’t a spring chicken if you catch my drift. Hottest hottie of 1999, sure, but it’s 2016. Move on, people.


And finally, despite an absurdly contested round which drew more than triple the amount of votes than any of the other Exquisite Eight matchups, our boyfriend Jake Johnson bested Michael Shannon. Let me talk about Michael Shannon for a minute. I love him, and he can get it, and I was delighted by his early victories. But I would really honestly like to know where the surge of votes for him came from. Just out of curiosity. Now that he’s gone. It’s ok, no judgement. Nobody wants his D more than I do except maybe the mother of his children. EXPLAIN YOURSELVES.


Voting for the Foxy Four will commence tomorrow, so get your voting fingers warm!


About catweazle

Catweazle is an 11th century wizard trying to make his way through the modern world while living in a disused water tower with his pet toad.
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9 Responses to Homeless Monsters Tournament of Hotties: Exquisite Eight Results

  1. artdorkgirl says:

    That British Hunks bracket was just heartbreak upon heartbreak and you can’t tell me otherwise.

    I don’t understand the Michael Shannon Fandom, yet I am delighted by it.

  2. I’m calling it for Idris now (although Oscar isn’t going to make it easy for him), after a final Idris/Ewan showdown.

  3. gnidrah says:

    The only reason I’m glad Ewan Mc got through is because him plus Idris, doubles the number of Brits in this! Despite all of your jibes about our teeth, we are a very hot nation after all! 🙂 🙂

  4. I just really want a twin-off between Oscar Isaac and Jake Johnson, but I also understand that Ewan and Idris are hard acts to beat.

  5. catweazle says:

    I just want to say that I was so hammered when I wrote this and I am extremely proud of how closely it resembles the English language and also my head hurts.

  6. nastyemu says:

    For the record, Michael Shannon was winning just after the 11pm deadline. I was on #TeamShannon, but I’m also pretty sure that his path to the Elite 8 was mostly not legit, so I am fine with this.

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