Homeless Monsters Tournament of Hotties: A Bittersweet Farewell

Well, we’ve reached the end. It’s been a long, sexy road and I can’t thank you all enough for traveling it with me. The time has come to crown our champion, the Babeliest of Babes, the Fox King, the Supreme Stud. It’s hard to say goodbye to this tournament but, all good things must come to an end.


Without further ado, the champion of the first and probably last Tournament of (Male) Hotties is…



I wonder what it feels like to be Oscar right now. Millions of people fell in love with him in Star Wars. Thousands of people started drawing pornographic pictures of him getting to know John Boyega in the biblical sense. He won a Golden Globe. And now, he has won the most important prize of all. It’s going to be all downhill from here, Oscar, but we’ll love you all the way!


As for the consolation round, there was no landslide victory to be found. The votes were lovingly spread between the 25 competitors (with the exception of Benedict Cumberbatch, who I guess we are all over now except for the one person who voted for him!) and we ended up with a two-way tie for first.

Congratulations Paul and Chris! We didn’t love you enough to get you past the first two rounds but we love you enough to throw you this bone!


If any of you filled out a prediction bracket at the beginning of this tournament, please share so we can judge you for your foolishness! My own is full of some hilariously off-base guesses, but was surprisingly accurate in other ways.


About catweazle

Catweazle is an 11th century wizard trying to make his way through the modern world while living in a disused water tower with his pet toad.
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9 Responses to Homeless Monsters Tournament of Hotties: A Bittersweet Farewell

  1. flanny says:

    The king is dead. Long live the king.

  2. FRQ says:

    I think these are legitimate results. I like Jake Johnson, but in terms of raw sexuality, you can’t beat Oscar Isaac. Good job, internet.

    Also, thank you once again catweazle, for creating the best March Madness spinoff bracket since the Name Of The Year competition.

  3. welcometocostcoiloveyou says:

    Thank you catweazle!

  4. collin0truckasaurus says:

    This is wonderful and we should all be very proud of such great work!

  5. FRQ says:

    Never forget

  6. This has been a very fun tournament, even if Jake didn’t win. I mean, obviously Oscar was going to, but I am still happy that the “average” dude made it so far (he’s not at all average, plus I think I project Nick Miller onto JJ way too much).

  7. This was basically the best thing we’ve ever done, and Oscar is a worthy #1. We chose wisely.

  8. summerestherson says:

    WHAT A RIDE. So blessed, so proud.

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