Breaking: One Direction’s Hiatus Not Relaxing For Anyone

It’s been quite some time since there was any One Direction related content on this blog, besides my constant sobbing about their hiatus in the comments. Thank you for your understanding during this difficult time and not pressuring me to put these most sensitive of emotions up on the internet. You might think the dearth of 1D on this blog was because they were on hiatus and so nothing was happening, but OH BOY guys, things have been happening this whole time, ripping holes into my already raggedy heart! Please refer to the image below to find out what’s happening to your favorite member. OR JUST LEARN THEIR NAMES SO WE CAN HAVE A REAL CONVERSATION ABOUT THEM INSTEAD OF ME ALWAYS HAVING TO INFORM YOU OF WHAT’S GOING ON.

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Niall (the blond/Irish one) is just a constant delight to all. He spent the first part of the hiatus traveling around southeast Asia with his man pals, and then he participated (along with Louis) in a charity soccer match organized by Robbie Williams. He also has some sort of entertainment company that I don’t understand, but which makes him a lot of money.  Additionally, he’s been wearing glasses a lot, and he looks very handsome and smart.  And this cannot be confirmed, but I’m positive he’s in a near-constant state of glee.

Liam (with the eyebrows) has been keeping a low profile. Or as low as you can keep when you’re dating Cheryl Fernandez-Versini (FKA Cheryl Cole), one of the biggest pop stars in the world and a woman of an appropriate age to be dating a member of One Direction. Sometimes they go shopping, or to weddings, and of course there are already pregnancy rumors. But the good thing about Liam (FKA Daddy Direction for his responsible behavior) is he is fairly reliable and predictable, so I’m not worried about anything too crazy happening with him in the near-term.

Louis (Mila Jovovich) has a goddamn baby! Speaking of Daddy Direction, amirite? Yes. He’s always walking around LA and drinking coffee and going out drinking and taking pictures of himself with drunk ladies. Frankly, he has never been handsomer. I’ve also recently noticed that when Louis close-mouth smiles sometimes he looks like a Berenstain Bear, with that little point on his upper lip, but of course now I can’t find a picture of him close-mouth smiling, so maybe I hallucinated it all! I don’t know what that says about me as a human.

Harry (the one you know) is literally the world’s biggest stress upon my soul. He is a sweet, gentle butterfly, and he has flown into the thick of things as of late. First off, despite his inability to act, he’s secured a role in Christopher Nolan’s WWII epic Dunkirk. Admittedly, the last time I witnessed him act was in the Best Song Ever video, so maybe he’s improved since then. But still. I worry. For the role he had to cut his beautiful curls (see here for a dramatic recreation of me receiving the news) and I believe he doesn’t like the cut because he’s always wearing hats. In the middle of June? Hats??? Harry, come on, bro. But perhaps even more traumatizing than wearing a stocking cap in the middle of summer is the news that broke last night, with Billboard reporting that Harry and only Harry himself has signed with Columbia. Uuuuuuhhhh, Harold, that’s not what a hiatus is! It’s supposed to end! Don’t do this to me, you cruel fiend! Don’t you want me to have any happiness in my life??!?! Officially, Harry Styles has been demoted from this reporter’s second favorite member of One Direction to her second-and-a-half favorite member of One Direction, with Niall’s glasses taking him up to the the third-plus-a-little-bit position. Or maybe Harry is third-and-a-half? But what would that make Niall’s glasses-assed face? Ugg, I’m too distraught for math!


About flanny

Flanny was born and raised in a Detroit suburb, but tells people she's from Detroit without clarification because it makes her sound tough. She is not tough. Her favorite member of One Direction is Louis Tomlinson, and her favorite Agatha Christie detectives are Tommy and Tuppence.
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14 Responses to Breaking: One Direction’s Hiatus Not Relaxing For Anyone

  1. FRQ says:


  2. flanny says:

    Further breaking news: A photo of Harry WITHOUT A HAT ON has appeared in Instagram and it makes him look a lot like he would fit in on the set of Zoe Duncan Jack and Jane. I’m very okay with this since I owned a shirt from Delia*s that one of the female leads wore in one episode.

  3. catweazle says:

    I saw some pictures of Zayn posing for a magazine trying to look really grown-up and sexy like smoking cigarettes and shit but all of the pictures looked kind of embarrassing and it made me regret thinking he was the hottest one.

  4. artdorkgirl says:

    Although there is Zayn news in the comments, I notice there’s none in the post. Does he not count anymore? Are we just erasing him from history?? (jk…he was my least favorite. I called him “mumbles”)

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