Flanospooks for Your Weekend

Wondering what’s in the stars for you as you journey through this life and toward the next? Wonder no more, because here I am with this weekend’s Flanospooks. They’re like horoscopes, but they tell you what people in the future will wear when they dress up like you for Halloween!

Aries: March 21-April 19
Skull mask, a black sweatsuit with the outlines of bones drawn on it in silver, sparkly puff paint, and L.L. Bean winter boots.

Taurus: April 20-May 20
A black and white striped shirt, tight black pants, and a red beret.

Gemini: May 21-June 20
Three bikini tops and basketball shorts from the 1970s.

Cancer: June 21-July 22
Short shorts, Mickey Mouse ears, holding a wedge of cheese.

Leo: July 23-August 22
Generic ghost costume (the whole white sheet with eyes cut out thing) splattered with maple syrup.

Virgo: August 23-September 22
Sopping wet fireman.

Libra: September 23-October 22
Jack the Ripper costume. (Spoiler: you are Jack the Ripper. How are you not dead by now?)

Scorpio: October 23-November 21
Barbara Walters dress suit. Rainbow fro wig. Stuffed dolphin on a leash dragging behind.

Sagittarius: November 22-December 21
Catholic school girl uniform.

Capricorn: December 22-January 19
Your normal clothes, but with a Hello My Name is sticker with a bunch of question marks on the shirt. Then in their wallet they’ll be carrying a corporate credit card with only the first four letters of your first name on it.

Aquarius: January 20-February 18
Overalls and a trainwhistle, and a whole bunch of gooey red makeup all over their face.

Pisces: February 19-March 20
Store-bought Buddy the Elf costume.

*Flanny is not a psychic and does not necessarily believe in psychics or astrology, but she reads her own horoscope every day just in case.*


About flanny

Flanny was born and raised in a Detroit suburb, but tells people she's from Detroit without clarification because it makes her sound tough. She is not tough. Her favorite member of One Direction is Louis Tomlinson, and her favorite Agatha Christie detectives are Tommy and Tuppence.
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7 Responses to Flanospooks for Your Weekend

  1. collin0truckasaurus says:


  2. Well mine is surprisingly accurate… how did flanospooks know?!

  3. artdorkgirl says:

    Maybe I am dead??? OOOOOoooooooOOOOOO

  4. hotspur says:

    I am very pleased to see the return of this feature, though I am not sure how it is that I end up commemorated with a Catholic school-girl uniform. Either my future is very sexy and borderline illegal… or maybe just weird.

  5. Sota says:

    Not upset with my option. Everyone knows that Minnesotans need warm LLBean boots for their Halloween costumes anyways…brrr.

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