Welcome back! You’ve had a full week to voice your opinions on the first round of this spooky contest; now it’s time to vote on those who survived the bloodbath!
Buffy Summers (1) vs. Nancy Downs (9)
In the Battle of the Blondes, Sabrina proved no match for everybody’s favorite vampire slayer. But at least she’ll always have Salem! Buffy advances to the next round for a good girl/bad girl battle royale.
I guess Sookie Stackhouse’s fairy charms only work on vampires (and the occasional werewolf) because she was easily vanquished by bloodthirsty teen witch Nancy Downs. Nancy may be good at dark magic, but can she defeat The Slayer?
Santanico Pandemonium (12) vs. Samantha Stevens (13)
Santanico Pandemonium’s more in-your-face
breasts charms prevailed over the lovely zombie Aubrey Plaza which proves that YOU ALL HAVE TERRIBLE TASTE. Just kidding. Sort of. Sorry that this is basically the same GIF as last week but apparently Santanico is only in one scene of this movie?
The lovely and beguiling Katherine Pierce sadly met her match in the wholesome Samantha Stevens. But can nostalgia and classic beauty defeat a half naked lady with a snake?
Eve (3) vs. Hayley Marshall (11)
The match between Jessica Hamby and Tilda Swinton’s Eve was surprisingly close, but The Swinton pulled it out in the end. This leads us to the classic battle between vampire and werewolf!
Y’all apparently loathe and despise Twilight so much that you’d vote for a character from a show I’m guessing you’ve never watched instead of my wife Kristen Stewart. But that’s ok, because Hayley is blazing lady-werewolf trails and for that I salute her.
Willow Rosenberg (7) vs. Vanessa Ives (2)
It’s a good thing Bonnie Bennett is used to getting fucked over (people who watch The Vampire Diaries will understand this) because in the battle of the teen witches she lost to the cute-but-sometimes-evil Willow. Speaking of cute-but-sometimes-evil…
A hot succubus who draws power from making out with both ladies and gentlemen was not hot enough to take down Penny Dreadful’s Vanessa Ives. Sure, Vanessa may be possessed by dark forces, but she makes it look damn good!
Eric Northman (1) vs. Ethan Chandler (9)
R (zombie Marcus from About a Boy) put up a decent fight, but was handily defeated by the oft-naked and always babely Eric Northman. The ladies aren’t the only ones having a vampire vs. werewolf match though!
Two ’90s hunks entered and one left, as Angel got his pasty ass handed to him by Penny Dreadful’s Ethan Chandler (aka Josh Hartnett). Way to go, Ethan!
Mason Lockwood (12) vs. Chase Collins (13)
It was not a good week for the vampire lovers of Buffy Summers, as Spike was defeated by ill-fated werewolf Mason Lockwood. Mason’s luck may have run out on The Vampire Diaries, but will it continue in this tournament?
The dude who ripped Mason Lockwood’s heart out of his chest, Damon Salvatore, was not so lucky in the voting as the majority of us chose Sebastian Stan’s teen witch Chase Collins. The Covenant may be an embarrassing footnote in Stan’s filmography, but could it lead him to victory?
Alcide Herveaux (3) vs. Derek Hale (6)
My darling Elijah, babeliest babe of both The Vampire Diaries AND The Originals could not withstand the ripped torso of Joe Manganiello, and so Alcide returns for round two with a whole lot of unrequited love and upper-body strength.
Poor baby werewolf George got destroyed by Teen Wolf’s Derek Hale. But can Derek take down an equally buff and smoldering television werewolf?
Scott Howard (10) vs. Adam (2)
Speaking of Teen Wolves, the original Teen Wolf himself made mincemeat of Edward Cullen, who for the first day of the tournament got ZERO VOTES (a few Twilighters stepped up for him later though; he’ll be fine). I can’t say I get the Michael J. Fox wolf thing but apparently a lot of you do!
Tom Hiddleston made up for his embarrassing showing in the original Tournament of Hotties by triumphing over Pogue Parry (aka Taylor Kitsch aka Taylor Witch am I right?), though it was a very close call. Can he continue his redemption?
Voting will close a lot sooner this time because we have to wrap this shit up before the Month of Scares is over so vote early!