Tournament of Hotties: Month of Scares Edition — Round Three

We’re working double-time now because Halloween is next Monday and this tournament will cease to be interesting/relevant at 12:01AM on Tuesday, November 1st. So I hope you’re satisfied with your Round Two votes because polls are closed and we’re pushing forward!

Buffy Summers (1) vs. Samantha Stevens (13)

Buffy is a #1 seed for a reason. She spent seven seasons kicking evil ass (and occasionally Doing It with them) all while wearing the height of 90s fashion. She looked equally hot out on a romantic date and out roundhouse-kicking vampires in the face. She is a force to be reckoned with!

Samantha Stevens is a bit of a Cinderella story, having beaten one of my own personal faves (Katherine Pierce) in round one and then handily dispatching a character who is basically just Salma Hayek in her underwear. Who knew that a wholesome 1960s housewife with magical powers was like catnip to you people?


Eve (3) vs. Vanessa Ives (2)

Eve is a slightly deranged looking, very old vampire who eats blood lollipops and… I don’t know, all I know about this movie I’ve learned from GIFs while running this tournament. But she’s Tilda Fucking Swinton and what more do you need?

From the six episodes of Penny Dreadful I have seen, Vanessa Ives is a mystery wrapped in an enigma possessed by a horny demon. She is also played by Eva Green who is hot enough to have been a Bond Girl. Is that combination unbeatable?


Ethan Chandler (9) vs. Mason Lockwood (12)

In a very close race, Ethan Chandler snatched victory from the fangs of Eric Northman: a man so hot I watched True Blood for several seasons after it became unwatchable. I just tried to think of 90s teen movies Josh Hartnett was in to make a joke but everything I thought of was actually a Freddie Prinze Jr. movie. Sorry Josh! Apparently people want to fuck you again though so I’m not that sorry!

Mason Lockwood very rudely beat Chase Collins aka Sebastian Stan. But you know, I can’t deny that he’s a babe so I’m not going to yell at you guys about it. I’m just going to finish the crying spell I embarked on when Elijah was eliminated.


Alcide Herveaux (3) vs. Scott Howard (10)

Alcide is smoking hot by all objective standards. Maybe too hot. Girlfriend is played by a man who wrote an entire book about how he got unnaturally ripped. So if you’re into muscles and raw masculinity, you have your champion.

If you’re more into… short scrawny dudes covered in fur, then Scott Howard is your man! This Teen Wolf is the little were-engine that could, taking down Internet Boyfriends Taylor Kitsch and Tom Hiddleston. Can he win the gold, though?


Voting will end some time over the weekend so get to clickin’!

About catweazle

Catweazle is an 11th century wizard trying to make his way through the modern world while living in a disused water tower with his pet toad.
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4 Responses to Tournament of Hotties: Month of Scares Edition — Round Three

  1. catweazle says:

    I have never been so proud of myself in my life because I was DRUNK when I wrote this and I don’t think there are any typos!

  2. hotspur says:

    I’m abstaining from the Alcide-Michael J battle because I really want to see where you ladies take this ludicrous face-off.

    Also, catweazle, your description of Santanico as “just Selma Hayek in her underwear” is 100% true. That movie is like the rough draft of a good movie, where Santanico ends up with lines and does stuff. Oh well, Dusk Till Dawn, you tried! (You didn’t try.)

  3. collin0truckasaurus says:

    Just so much more Teen Wolf love than I expected!

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