Wondering what’s in the stars for you in the afterlife? Wonder no more, because here I am with this weekend’s Flanospooks. They’re like horoscopes, but they tell you what you’ll find in the next pile of leaves you leap into!
Aries: March 21-April 19
A skull. Is it human? Is it animal? Who knows.
Taurus: April 20-May 20
Leaves, just leaves. What else did you expect?
Gemini: May 21-June 20
A black cat who was just trying to snooze.
Cancer: June 21-July 22
Your DVD player remote control.
Leo: July 23-August 22
Virgo: August 23-September 22
Libra: September 23-October 22
Used K-Cup pods. Ugg, litter!
Scorpio: October 23-November 21
A living dolphin.
Sagittarius: November 22-December 21
A mysterious, rusty key with a faded blue ribbon tied to it.
Capricorn: December 22-January 19
The business end of a stick.
Aquarius: January 20-February 18
Pisces: February 19-March 20
*Flanny is not a psychic and does not necessarily believe in psychics or astrology, but she reads her own horoscope every day just in case.*