Anarchy Reigns At The 89th Annual Academy Awards

I was about 5 seconds away from posting that this was yet another humdrum awards show with Hollywood’s year-long auto-erotic celebration coming to a climax, but HOT DAMN THAT HAPPENED.  Moonlight won best picture of the year in what was not only a major upset, but a chaotic orgy of mismatched envelopes, unnecessary speeches, and tears for various reasons.  A Benghazi-level investigation will be launched to figure out who’s fault it is.  Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway?  Host Jimmy Kimmel? PWC?  Leonardo DiCaprio?  We may never know the truth (that’s a lie, it’ll probably be solved by the time this is posted).   In a night where Hollywood was supposed to make headlines for shit-talking our psychotic jar of marmalade-in-chief, it will now forever be known as the greatest fuck-up in awards history.  He’s probably giddy like a pig in shit seeing these liberals screw the pooch, but I’ll live with it.  It made for an exciting moment.

So, what else happened?  Jimmy Kimmel treated us with a series of safe jokes, bits imported from his talk show, giving the audience type 2 diabetes, and a massive prank where people got to see celebrities (the horror!)  The acceptance speeches were (with one notable exception) fairly tame.  Many, if not all of the winners, were expected, and said what you thought they’d say (AGAIN, with one notable exception). Walmart made movies our of a receipt.  Cadillac and Google are responsible for saving humanity.  But really, who gives a shit?  Last night’s Best Picture presentation is what live television events need to be worth watching.  For fuck’s sake, I’m watching E! for live takes on the moment.  I haven’t watched E! in like 8 years.  This is good stuff.

In closing, Suicide Squad is an Oscar-winning film.

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About FRQ

Once ate an entire blueberry cobbler by accident
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25 Responses to Anarchy Reigns At The 89th Annual Academy Awards

  1. I’m so mad that the ONE TIME I don’t watch this stupid show in YEARS, major drama happens and I missed it.

    I feel bad for everyone involved and the show producers should be ashamed because come on, you really can’t make sure the presenters have the right envelope?? But this will probably be a good thing for both films in the long run, because people are going to be talking about it long after most Best Picture winners are forgotten.

    • FRQ says:

      Something I’ve debated in my head this morning is whether or not this was good for Moonlight. Some have argued that Barry Jenkins and company were robbed of a proper platform to thank people and talk about the themes of their movie. Not just during the Oscars, but afterward. People will not be talking about diversity in Hollywood, but about this massive technical gaffe.

      However, I fall in your camp. This is a memorable moment, and people will remember the Moonlight for ages. It took my a solid 5 minutes to remember that Spotlight won last year.

      • Yeah, I’m definitely sorry their moment got messed up, and I hope it didn’t ruin the experience for them, but if things had gone smoothly, they would have been lauded for their great, moving speech and then that’s the last we would have heard about it, just like every other year.

    • martinmegz says:

      This is a great point. I can’t remember who won best picture last year but I’ll always remember the Moonlight upset. Maybe. Ask me next year.

  2. catweazle says:

    I was in a group text with my mom and one of my sister’s and after the whole clusterjam happened my mom texted us like “Well that was kind of boring but thanks for watching with me” and we were like “?????” and it turns out she had turned off her TV in disgust after La La Land was announced and missed the whole thing. It was really the most satisfying thing that’s happened at an award show maybe ever though. Like first of all obviously Moonlight was a way better movie than La La Land, and also symbolically it was so great to see the white heterosexuals getting usurped by the black gays. There is a tiny part of me that feels bad for the LLL folks but mostly I was just cackling with glee through the whole thing.

    Other feelings on the show:

    -Janelle Monae’s dress was insane and amazing
    -Fuck Casey Affleck
    -Fuck the Academy for nominating Mel Gibson’s movie for anything in the first place and double fuck them for giving the movie two awards; I’m sure the people in those categories did a good job but giving them the awards was basically validating the efforts of a famous anti-Semite in a time when neo-nazis are in the White House and multiple Jewish cemeteries have been vandalized.
    -Jimmy Kimmel, your feud with Matt Damon stopped being funny a long time ago. One joke would have been fine, but seriously NOBODY CARES! Also fuck Matt Damon for promoting and protecting a sexual predator and agreeing to star in a “white guy saves the Asians” movie.
    -Gary from Chicago didn’t want to talk to any white celebrities and I salute him.

  3. Kate says:

    I fell asleep and missed it 😦
    The silver lining is that it has knocked Voldemort out of the news cycle for a little while.

  4. FRQ says:

    The Academy screws up yet again. This year’s show is the gift that keeps on giving. #OscarsSoIncompetent

  5. welcometocostcoiloveyou says:

    My DVR cut out during Emma Stone’s acceptance speech, so I missed all the Best Picture drama! I even set the DVR to record 30 minutes past the end time.

    I laughed multiple times, and got a little misty eyed during a couple of acceptance speeches. Overall, I thought it was a great show. My weekend was long and stressful, and watching the Oscars was a perfect way to chill on Sunday night.

  6. summerestherson says:

    Y’ALL, that was so very very. I really do feel bad for EVERYONE involved, but I CAN NOT WAIT to read all the behind the scenes stuff – I’m praying someone leaks cell phone footage of backstage/the control room during the whole thing. COME ON, DISGRUNTLED PA’S AND INTERNS, DO THE THING!

    • FRQ says:

      The Monica Geller within me was angry about it at first, especially on behalf of the cast and crew of the two films, but I also kind of take pleasure in seeing the stuffy Hollywood establishment fall apart.

    • hotspur says:

      Yeah, the reality of it is brutal. I can’t help but think what it must have felt like to win and then mid-speech be told no, you lost. Like the highest high to a very weird nightmare low. They handled it well, though. And it’s no picnic for the Moonlight bunch either. “I’m glad we we… won… but… we were kind of robbed of the initial moment, and now I feel awkward on stage with all these mistakes.”

      I wish good old what’s-his-name had been a little faster on his feet and that the lady had been a little less so. But they can’t take all of the blame, for sure, and I feel bad for them too! If I did this, it would haunt me forever, like if one billion people watched me be in 8th grade.

    • gnidrah says:

      Can I speak as someone who produces live TV every day? Albeit on a much tinier scale! It was a fuck-up of monumental proportions, and someone who produces this every year, and knows how much is riding on it, should have plans in place to make sure it doesn’t happen. Then put in 10 more plans. Then triple-check those plans. The world is watching.

      BUT. BUT. I have also been in a similar situation, where I put the wrong cue cards into the presenter’s hand. I was very junior at the time, and I just froze. I realised, as we were going back on air after an ad break, that the correct card was in actual fact in my own hands! (fat lot of use there) I had two choices: run out of the back of the set and keep running, and never work in television again, OR, find a goddamned way to fix my mistake, and quickly. I chose the latter. It wasn’t the most elegant, but with a decent bit of vision mixing and a very very kind floor manager, we got him the correct cards.

      Now I am 10-11 years down the line from that, and I see my junior team doing what I did. It happens very rarely, and that’s why it’s so glaring when it does occur – because usually, it’s a slick operation. But you know what? When it does, provided no one is hurt or embarrassed, it’s OK. Viewers actually love it. It proves it’s real. It proves that even these people who usually want us to think they’re smooth operators, that they’re human. Please note I say, provided no one is hurt, and I do believe that people will remember Moonlight for the right reasons.

      /seriousgum ends here/ 🙂

      • Kate says:

        I read yesterday that the price Waterhouse guard who made the mistake had, just minutes before, tweeted a picture of the best actress winner. He was star struck! Don’t tweet and guard I guess.

        • gnidrah says:

          I’ve read that today too. He is going to be in my notes for when I talk to students who want to work in television or film! If you think you’re going to be too starstruck, this might not be the career for you! (I *do* understand it! But you have to do your job first! Then selfies!)

      • FRQ says:

        I’m cool with the PWC people, especially since they owned up to it, but I also kind of feel that the presenters should have looked at the card and envelope and think “Um, something’s not right here.” Those two have been in Hollywood long enough to know that when Best Picture is announced, the card lists the producers, not one of the actors.

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