Yikes, we’re already halfway through the official Month of Scares®. How did that happen? Quick—we have to watch a scary movie. And we might as well review it for this blog.
But which horror movie to watch? It will be hard to choose if we consider all of movie history, as there are 20+ options. Let’s narrow it down to the four best:
That was easy. All great films, obviously. But now, how do we choose one? Voting? Not today, friendo. Today, we choose with a game! And it’s a game both easy and fun to master, like chess or lacrosse:
Imagine you have been given control of an independent theater in a medium-sized city in the region of your choice and are charged with programming its all-night movie fest for Halloween. What movies do you show? You’ll need at least three! Make it a night to remember. Put our butts in the seats. Amaze the world! Or at least amaze the medium city (less pressure).
For example, here’s what my theater, the CineFart Odius, is showing:
- President Satan (2017)
- Downton Abbey 5: The Axe of Pumpkinhead (2012)
- Cobbler 2: Weasel’s Revenge: Pop! Goes the Cobbler (1988; feat. Ernest Borgnine)
- The Scent That Lingered Hideously (1974)
- It Dwelt in a Cave (1958)
If your festival is the one I’d go see, I will watch your DVD choice! (Don’t forget to include your DVD choice when you comment.)
And I guess I better include notes about the four DVDs in the offing, in case you are not familiar:
The Changeling (1980) is legendary for being creepy, in a psychological way. I think it’s a haunted house movie, possibly with a wheelchair? Possibly also a hearse, unless I’m thinking of The Hearse.
The Last Horror Film (1982) stars creep Joe Spinell. He had a brief career playing very believable stalkers. I was stalked once and will have PTSD if you make me watch this. Also I suspect it travels less a psychological, more a vats-of-blood road.
Signs (2002). I have seen two (2) other Shyamalan movies and I will watch this one if you make me.
Wrong Turn 2: Dead End is a DVD I won for placing third in pub trivia. That’s all I’ve learned about it in the years since. Has this movie’s time (2007) finally come??
Okay, let’s get on with it! In the comments, schedule your movie festival and pick one of these four actually-filmed horror movies, and I will post a review before Halloween.