Unnecessary Movie Assignment #22

Let’s get old-fashioned, you guys. Let’s get back to our bedrock, hardworking, internet family values, values such as we lived by biweekly in parts of 2014. Let’s do this by making me watch one of my questionable DVDs. They’re not going to watch themselves. You need to make me.

The year 2017 brought big changes to the DVD collection, as I bought a bunch of these handsome organizers for it.  Consequently, the collection now fits on about 6 feet of shelf space instead of eating up 30 feet. That’s huge. A clear accomplishment. And it genuinely changed the way I live (I no longer live in a maze of stacked, non-DVD items that needed 24 feet of shelf). But here’s what I bet you’re really wondering: When I was done organizing, did I throw out all the old, space-hogging cases that the DVDs came in? Uh, I mean, did I recycle the old cases?

No. I thought I might really want them some day. Because of the art. And because I might have a real house with lots of shelf space in 20 or 30 years. And because individually encased is how God intended them. My reasons made no sense, and I knew that, even as I purchased four of these:

I filled these crates with the old empties and stowed them in a friend’s garage. What a friend! You all should be so lucky as to have a friend so good (that is, one who owns a garage). He didn’t even ask what he was stowing for me. “Is it just old DVD cases, so basically I am stowing your garbage?” he didn’t ask. “Is it body parts from a hooker you killed (it was an accident!), packed neatly in vacuum-sealed bags to prevent odor?” HE DIDN’T ASK. Yikes, if any of you need to hide a corpse, I guess I know a guy.

(Just kidding, he would totally turn us in.  He is a terrible friend.)

(He’s a good friend TO JUSTICE.)

I am really losing the thread here. Please don’t kill anyone or think that I condone murder. It is only my intention to watch a movie, and the movie I watch will be one of your choosing. Here’s how:

In the comments, do one of two things. Either tell us about an Organizing Project you successfully pulled off, OR tell us about a time you tried to do this, and should have Thrown something out as part of it, but instead Hung on to it, thereby not quiiiite organizing yourself.

Did you keep a box of awful shoes because they were all gifts from an aunt? A book you KNOW you will never read but will ALWAYS feel like you should? A stove you never intend to cook on? Tell us. Tell us about something dumb you still own, even though you should’ve gotten rid of it because of how dumb it is. OR, if you are a better person than me, tell us about your Huge Personal Triumph of freeing up shelf space (or similar) without this side effect. And pick a number between 1 and 163. Then, just like the old days, I will watch the corresponding movie, hooray.

About hotspur

hotspur is the videogum name of Luke Rooney, who usually makes the Kessel Run in 17 or 18 parsecs because, like, what is the rush? We will get to Kessel when we get to Kessel, just sit down and enjoy the run for chrissakes.
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17 Responses to Unnecessary Movie Assignment #22

  1. Do all the cardboard boxes that I STILL have not broken down to be recycled count? Because they’ve taken over the apartment and I’m going to start charging them rent.

    84

    • hotspur says:

      Yes. I am going to go ahead and count Organizing Projects that you know you should do but haven’t even begun. Failure on the scale you’re talking about, Theresa Couchman, is definitely competitive.

  2. Tracey says:

    I can’t tell a story about either of those scenarios because I’ve never gotten to the point of starting such a project. However! I recently skimmed a book called Lose the Clutter, Lose the Weight: The Six-Week Total-Life Slim Down. My main takeaway was that I need to break my apartment into zones and dedicate one week per zone for a major purge and cleaning. So I fully intend to start planning that at some point. The book was funny because the author was trying to say that his home organizing plan is correlated with weight loss and all the anecdotes from “real people” were like, “She lost 3 pounds doing this plan!” which is not super impressive. One interesting thing he said is that people whose fridges are covered in stuff tend to have cluttered homes. That’s totally me. What were we talking about? Do #9!

    • hotspur says:

      My fridge is cluttered, but only because I put up Christmas cards that friends and family send me. The cards that are not actual cards, you know? They are more like, “Here is a photo of my kids.” Obviously it would be wrong to toss those, so I put them on the fridge until the friends send the next year’s card, and then I put the outmoded one in a big manila envelope that I think is in my closet or my desk. So, I’m very systematic, and any clutter you see around me is the fault of other people. That’s a healthy outlook. I should write a book about my fridge. Good entry, Tracey.

  3. nastyemu says:

    I’ve been a borderline hoarder for most of my life, but we’ve moved twice in the last three years, so I got very good at donating/throwing things away. We had 600+ CDs between us and took them to Goodwill because the deduction from the donation was better than the approximately $3 in store credit the local record store was offering. We went from 2100 sq ft, to 1500 sq ft, and now barely 900. There is no room for unnecessary things. My mom got excited about my new ability to purge, and when I was home over Christmas she decided it would be fun to have me go through my old stuff that was in the attic and get rid of some of it. I had no problems getting rid of everything: Cabbage Patch Kid, trophies, HS varsity letters. My mom was not happy. She ended up pulling most of that stuff out of the trash, positive that I would regret it later. I do not. Anyway, there was one thing that I wouldn’t get rid of: A Garfield pencil case full of Garbage Pail Kid cards. They are timeless and I can’t wait to give them to my nephews.

  4. catweazle says:

    My family lost all our money in the early 2000s and had to move out of the house we had lived in my whole life and we got rid of a metric shitton of stuff but somehow still had a lot of bullshit with us at the next place. Then when we became too broke to live even there and had to move again we became even more aggressive about getting rid of shit, all except my dad, may his hoarder ass rest in peace, who would throw a shit fit if we tried to suggest getting rid of any of his garbage. We ended up sneakliy throwing a lot of his stuff in the garbage when he was out of the house but the biggest memory I have of this time was when we were going through our garage and I had found a bunch of wire hangers I was about to put in a garbage bag and my dad started yelling at me about how those were useful and I just stared at him and said “What are we going to use them for, home abortions?”

    We got rid of the hangers. #98

  5. Amy J Grier says:

    Hey, am I still in time?

    So, I’ve moved a lot in my life, and I still refuse to give up a fifth-grade art project from I made in 1906 call Frankie the Failure. Frankie is a cardboard toilet-paper roll topped with a papier-maché head. His body (TP roll) is covered in green felt with a black felt belt and a large black F in front. His hair is long, scraggly black yarn. There’s also a red felt scar on his cheek.

    Anyways, I love him, because he is a drug-selling hippie loser who dropped out of school. My sister and I would act out skits in our bedroom and save them on our tape recorder (like I said, 1906). Frankie walked the streets of Philadelphia crying out, “Dollar for drugs! Dollar for Drugs!” trying to get people to buy his drugs. I had no idea what drugs these were, I just knew drugs were a thing, and sometimes he would interview people about the energy crisis.

    • Amy J Grier says:

      #101 please

    • taoreader says:

      What is my NAME doing there!? I am the reader of Tao! I am very confused. Maybe it’s because I signed onto my work blog first or something. I don’t know!! Thanks for the welcome, hotspur!

      Anyway, YAY I WON!!! I knew Frankie would come through for me one day if I kept him long enough!

  6. hotspur says:

    Wow, we sure had excellent late entries this time, and good thing too, because Theresa was about to win. I did not want that. On Friday, I left work thinking, “I’ll write the Theresa Wins comment Saturday morning because I’m too busy tonight, and also because I must come to terms with the fact that now I have to review movie #84.” Movie #84, you guys. That one is a challenge. Oof. Ooooof.

    BUT, Saturday, I got disorganized (!!!), so I didn’t declare Theresa the victor first thing, and WHAT LUCK. Because the late entries that then rolled in were all spectacular.

    First, a starry-eyed nastyemu taught us all what it means to live in bliss with our shockingly misplaced priorities. Then, a more-caustic-than-humbled catweazle shared her searing personal history as a Reverse Beverly Hillbilly. Seriously, you guys, her family lost its perch among the global elite and ended up in a hovel, hoarding hangers and selling them to pregnant teens just to make soup money. It could happen to any of us! But it DID happen to her. And finally, Amy J. Grier, WHOEVER THAT IS, held our hands and walked us down a lane called Memory Lane, through a rainbow-hued dreamscape where the delightful wonders of a child’s imagination dance unfettered.

    So, Amy wins, because obviously we can all relate to crafting a discounted-drug-dealer puppet who is vexed by the gasoline shortage. Frankly, that is A LOT more relatable than nastyemu collecting Garbage Pail cards, or catweazle moving, or Tracey skimming a book. Where are you guys from, Jupiter? This is Earth, so Amy wins. Plus, it is always nice to add a new commenter to the monster family, so consider this your welcome aboard, “AMY”! But get a new avatar, that one is taken.

    Movie #101 is Minnesota Clay. It’s a western. That’s all I know.

  7. taoreader says:

    And now I’m taoreader again! I think I slid into an alternate reality with an alternate me, like in The Man in the High Castle.

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