Homeless Monsters Tournament of Hotties Redux: The Bracket, and Play-In Game

Helllllooooooo people! Winter is still sadly upon us and the world descends further and further into madness with every passing second, so what better way to distract ourselves than by ranking men by their hotness? Again? I’ve put together a brand new bracket stuffed with 64 babes who we will ruthlessly pit against each other in a battle for the title of Hottest Hottie.

The winner of the last tournament, Oscar Isaac, along with the other three semi-finalists (Idris Elba, Ewan McGregor and Jake Johnson) have been retired to the Sexy Hall of Fame to make way for new blood. And boy, is there a lot of new blood in this bracket! More than half of the contestants are making their tournament debut, and I’ve separated them into four divisions: Marvel and DC Actors, Other Movie Actors, Television Actors, and “Other” (which includes musicians, athletes, directors, writers, and a couple of random leftovers from other categories because listen, it was really hard just coming up with 64 dudes without then having to divide them into perfect sets of 16, get off my back!).

Without further ado, here’s your bracket! (you can download a full size version here)


Since those names are really tiny and hard to read, here they are again:

Marvel and DC Actors
1. Michael B. Jordan
2. Chris Evans
3. Chadwick Boseman
4. Chris Hemsworth
5. Sebastian Stan
6. Winston Duke
7. Chris Pine
8. Jason Momoa
9. Chris Pratt
10. Mike Colter
11. Charlie Cox
12. Sterling K. Brown
13. Chiwetel Ejiofor
14. Daniel Kaluuya
15. Ezra Miller
16. Daniel Bruhl

Other Movie Actors
1. Armie Hammer
2. Mahershala Ali
3. John Boyega
4. Diego Luna
5. Colin Farrell
6. Timothée Chalamet
7. Zac Efron
8. Trevante Rhodes
9. Lakeith Stanfield
10. Jamie Dornan
11. Nicholas Hoult
12. Joel Edgerton
13. André Holland
14. Domhnall Gleeson
15. David Oyelowo
16. Ben Whishaw

Television Actors
1. John Cho
2. Manny Jacinto
3. Gael Garcia Bernal
4. Adam Driver
5. Jude Law
6. Riz Ahmed
7. Kumail Nanjiani
8. Rami Malek
9. Damon Wayans Jr.
10. Michael Shannon
11. Steven Yeun
12. Cress Williams
13. Milo Ventimiglia
14. David Harbour
15. Taylor Kitsch
16. William Jackson Harper

1. Donald Glover
2. The Rock
3. Jeff Goldblum
4. Lin-Manuel Miranda
5. Taika Waititi
6. Common
7. Adam Rippon
8. Keanu Reeves
9. Frank Ocean
10. Gus Kenworthy
11. John Legend
12. Marat Safin
13. Andy Samberg
14. Ricky Martin
15. Cheyenne Jackson
16. Play-in winner

To make the tournament more exciting than ever, I’m going to run a little contest for all of you. If you fill out a bracket with your predictions and send it to me at tournament@hot-shot.com before the first round of voting starts (on Monday), I’ll keep track of all your scores and the winner will receive a fabulous prize! What is that prize? I don’t know yet!

Anyhow, our first order of business is to fill the final slot in the “Other” division. Please vote in the poll below for the member of One Direction that you think most belongs in the big leagues!

About catweazle

Catweazle is an 11th century wizard trying to make his way through the modern world while living in a disused water tower with his pet toad.
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8 Responses to Homeless Monsters Tournament of Hotties Redux: The Bracket, and Play-In Game

  1. catweazle says:

    I promise there was some logic as to who ended up in the TV Actors category (that logic being that maybe they are more known for movies but have also been regulars on a TV show (i.e. Jude Law in The Young Pope)). Jeff Goldblum and Keanu landed in the Other category mainly because they seem more like characters than people to me.

    Also disclaimer that I don’t personally find everybody on this list hot but I’m trying to see the world through other thirsty eyes!

  2. taoreader says:

    This is an excellent and highly competitive tournament.

    Why do I know virtually all of the superheroes and very few of the “regular” actors? And WHEN will there be a Season 3 of Daredevil already!!?

    Alas, I do not feel right voting in the quiz, because I am not really familiar with those young gentlemen. I do realize that this is a character flaw.

    • catweazle says:

      Don’t worry, you’ll get sexy photos and introductions to each of these gentlemen throughout the course of the tournament. You will know them soon!

  3. This is going to be tough.

  4. hotspur says:

    I voted for Louis because he looks like Milla Jovovich, who is in my laminated top 5 and has been since 1992.

  5. Tracey says:

    This is truly a masterpiece. Brava, catweazle.

  6. collin0truckasaurus says:

    I’ve been MIA for a little bit and this is the ABSOLUTE BEST thing to come back to! Catweazle, you’re the best!

  7. Sergeant Tibbs says:

    This is perhaps the hardest thing I have ever done. First off, until now, looking at a bracket was like reading a foreign language so I never bothered to understand what was happening. Now that I’ve put two minutes into figuring this thing out, I’m stumped. Because I know who I want to choose, but I don’t know who WE want to choose. I feel like I need to have two brackets so I know who I ultimately choose and who I predict to win. So much to think about!

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