Homeless Monsters Tournament of Hotties: Marvel and DC Round One

The time has come to start the tournament in earnest! We have a lot of dudes to vote on today so let’s get started.

Michael B. Jordan (1) vs. Daniel Bruhl (16)

We start off with two Marvel villains: Black Panther’s Killmonger and Captain America: Civil War’s Zemo! If we were voting on who was the better villain there’d be no question that Killmonger is the right choice, but we’re going to be much more shallow than that and judge them on looks alone.

Michael B. Jordan

Michael is so hot that a girl broke her retainer when he took off his shirt in Black Panther, and he’s so sweet that he offered to pay for a replacement for said retainer. It’s always nice to see a babe who gives back.

Daniel Bruhl

Daniel tends to fly under the radar a bit more, popping up as the suspiciously handsome European man in various action movies while also starring in small indies. The one constant is his babeliness.

Jason Momoa (8) vs. Chris Pratt (9)

Unfortunately we will never see a cinematic fight between Aquaman and Star-Lord but we must all picture it in our heads now! I think we can all agree that Marvel is superior to DC at least in the movie department, but who is superior in the fox department?

Jason Momoa

He was a problematic child-bride-having hunk on Game of Thrones, and now he’s a bonafide aquatic superhero. If you like them big and beefy you can’t really do better than Jason.

Chris Pratt

Chris’s transformation from sitcom goofball to Marvel thirst trap has been as improbable as it is delightful. If you like a little sarcasm with your sexy then Chris is the one for you.

Sebastian Stan (5) vs. Sterling K. Brown (12)

Black Panther was stuffed so full of hot people that it’s not fair to any human with a sex drive, including both of these studs (at least, if you stayed to the very end of the credits for Bucky’s scene). But whose hotness contribution was the most significant?

Sebastian Stan

In the last tournament Sebastian was a 16 seed who was taken down in round one by the eventual winner, Oscar Isaac. Since then he’s become a certified Internet Boyfriend and rocketed up the ranks. If you had told me five years ago that I would have a crush on the vile Carter Baizen I would have told you you were nuts, but here we are!

Sterling K. Brown

Sterling is having a very good couple of years, winning awards for The People v. O.J. Simpson and This Is Us while also appearing as the tragic N’Jobu in the hottest movie of the decade. Will he cap it off with a Tournament of Hotties victory?

Chris Hemsworth (4) vs. Chiwetel Ejiofor (13)

The God of Sexy Thunder takes on… the second string villain from the disappointing Doctor Strange. It would seem unfair if Chiwetel Ejiofor weren’t SUPER FUCKING HOT. But is he hot enough to take on one of the only recent People’s Sexiest Men Alive who actually seemed like an appropriate choice?

Chris Hemsworth

We all knew Chris was a babe, but in Thor: Ragnarok he proved that he’s also very funny. It is not fair for the lord to give with both hands like this. I protest.

Chiwetel Ejiofor

I am a bit biased because Chiwetel has been my imaginary husband for over a decade, but just look at him! For the purposes of this tournament, I am willing to share him with you all.

Winston Duke (6) vs. Charlie Cox (11)

Here we have a Marvel movie star up against a Marvel TV star! These two are pretty much on exact opposite ends of the hotness spectrum, so I’m very interested to see how this plays out!

Winston Duke

(I’d like to report a crime: the closest things to shirtless Winston pics I could find on Google image search were Black Panther stills, so we’ll have to settle for this enticing sliver)

Among the many, MANY delights Black Panther has to offer is a brand new star in the Babe Galaxy. M’Baku stole all our hearts and maybe, just maybe seeing him wrestle #3 seed Chadwick Boseman shirtless in a waterfall made some of us feel a strange feeling in our bathing suit area.

Charlie Cox

If you like your hotties more on the skinny and British side, Charlie is your man. Daredevil is a pretty good show, elevated to a must-watch by his glorious visage.

Chadwick Boseman (3) vs. Daniel Kaluuya (14)

T’Challa and W’Kabi found themselves at odds in Black Panther and here they’re facing off once again. Are you into the Black Panther or the dude with the battle rhinos?

Chadwick Boseman

My main takeaway from Captain America: Civil War was that I couldn’t wait for Black Panther to come out because Chadwick was so good. And hot. Very hot.

Daniel Kaluuya

Daniel may not have won the Oscar this year, but could he win a different, more illustrious award? Between Get Out and Black Panther he’s on a hot streak right now and I’m very much looking forward to seeing more of him.

Chris Pine (7) vs. Mike Colter (10)

Steve Trevor definitely couldn’t take Luke Cage in a fight, but can he take him in a battle of hotness? Only you can decide.

Chris Pine

Chris was a noted babe already due to his role as Captain Kirk, but in recent years he’s evolved into a salt-and-pepper stud who is hot enough to entice Wonder Woman. Is he hot enough to entice you?

Mike Colter

Jessica Jones is a great show for many reasons, one of which is introducing us to Mike Colter. Luke Cage’s super power is invincibility and they could not have possibly chosen a better actor to portray somebody so rock solid they can’t be hurt.

Chris Evans (2) vs. Ezra Miller (15)

This is a matchup between a Tournament of Hotties veteran and a newbie. Chris Evans is a seasoned stud, thirsted after by the whole world, whereas Ezra has only recently graduated from teen dream status to grown-up babedom.

Chris Evans

Chris obviously belongs to our Blog Mom Theresa, but we can all look, can’t we? The reveal of bearded Captain America was almost too much for the world to handle. Is it enough to carry him to Tournament Glory?

Ezra Miller

We all loved Ezra in The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and we all felt very sorry for him in Fantastic Twinks and Where to Find Them. I wouldn’t have called him hot in either film, mostly because he seemed too young. But I have to give DC credit here because they introduced us to beefed-up adult Ezra. Who is hot.

That does it for today. Cast your votes and make your case for your faves in the comments! Voting will close basically whenever I feel like it, probably in a couple of days? So vote early!

About catweazle

Catweazle is an 11th century wizard trying to make his way through the modern world while living in a disused water tower with his pet toad.
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17 Responses to Homeless Monsters Tournament of Hotties: Marvel and DC Round One

  1. taoreader says:

    CHARLIE COX everybody! and MIKE COULTER! I have feelings here!

    My weakness with Charlie Cox is he’s just so damn adorable. He feeds my particular dysfunction of wanting to take care of everybody, like a sexy, sexy, blind man who is so alone and vulnerable! Yet so protective! Really guys, I’m the only one who understands him.

    I guess I better go back to work.

  2. flanny says:

    It thought that picture of Ezra Miller was of Manny Jacinto and now I’m very angry I can’t vote for Manny.

  3. gnidrah says:

    Serious: I would like to say hats off Catweazle – the amount of work that has gone into this post (and I guess, the whole series!) is amazing, so thank you. My vote is cast in this transparent election of hotness!

  4. My finger slipped and I almost voted for Ezra FORGIVE ME CHRIS!!!

  5. Tracey says:

    The commentary for each entry is *Italian chef kissing fingers*

  6. the most mind-boggling decision the FBAWTFT filmmakers made was to give up the inappropriately sizzling chemistry between Colin Farrell and Ezra Miller and trade it in for Johnny Depp’s later year Marlon Brando doughy face and horrible reputation.

  7. catweazle says:

    Admit it, two people who voted for Daniel Bruhl, you only did it because I put Oscar Isaac’s face on his butt.

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